#13 - Coyote Ugly (2000)

You can’t fight the moonlight - or the bi-panic energy dripping from this episode’s pick - as we usher in a new year with Lil and the gals at Coyote Ugly.

Maria Bello owns the titular bar in this biconic naughties film that stars Piper Perabo as the girl moving to the big city to chase her songwriting dreams.

Tyra Banks, Bridget Moynahan, Melanie Lynskey and Adam Garcia round out a supporting cast that will leave you dying from the heat - but don’t dare ask for agua, HELL NO H2O!

Bi-panic energies (BPEs) of the week include Wicked, Wicked and Wicked.

Grace brings ‘Alison in Wonderland on Acid’ to the table with her wildcard pick…will it be the first of 2025 to make its way into the bi-panic room?

Listen now to find out…Happy new year!

Listen to full episode :

Episode Transcript

[Please note that transcripts are automatically generated so may not be 100% accurate]

Welcome to The Bi-Panic Room, a bi-monthly podcast exploring the films and television series that trigger bisexual panic, aka bi-panic.

Did you ever wake up sober after a one night stand, and the person you're next to is laying on your arm, and they're so ugly, you'd rather chew off your arm than risk waking them?

That's Coyote Ugly, and that's the film we're discussing today.

We all know there's no one better to tell a nuanced, emotionally intricate story about a small town girl growing into herself than Jerry Bruckheimer.

So come fight the moonlight with us as we delve into a real bi-awakening classic this week, Coyote Ugly.

Now, I don't know about you guys, but this was definitely one of the seminal DVDs that I owned as a teenager.

And I probably watch this more than any other film.

DVDs, very modern of you guys in Germany.

We're all VCR.

What, in 2000?

You had this on the HS?

Yeah, definitely a VHS.

Pretty sure.

Let's go back to 2001.

Has the DVD yet to make it to Ireland?

It's 25 years old next year.

Did we still make the HS success in 2000?

I think we did, because I remember having Chicago on both.

I think in Ireland we did.

VHS and DVD.

I feel like Ireland.

And then Blu-ray.

And then Blu-ray.

Was in its own world.

It is in its own world.

It's great.

Ireland was too busy preparing for Y2K.

Of course.

To get DVDs.

Why bother investing in new technology when the world is going to end anyway?

Stick to what we know.

Let's not build infrastructure.

Let's keep to VHSs.

OK, so let's get into the plot of this fantastic film.

We open...

Who can try to resist?

Who can try to resist?

You can try.

Pleasing you.

Get ready for a lot of this episode, I think.

So we open on a pizza place in small town New Jersey, which I think we're somehow supposed to see as the total, like, us end of nowhere.

And I look this up on Google.

It is instead a neighborhood that is literally a 15, 15 minute car ride away from New York City.

It looks at Staten Island.

It's absolutely ridiculous to the big city.

And we are introduced to our main character, and that is Violet.

She's a skinny blonde girl in her 20s.

So the world is her oyster, obviously, until a middle aged man takes advantage of her.

So she's still like wide-eyed and thinks she's going to make it in the world.

And she's got big dreams of going to the big city and becoming a songwriter, not a performer, you know, because we're somehow meant to believe that someone who looks like Piper Perabo is too much of a wallflower to ever want to become a performer.

I'm shy.

Exactly.

And so she's getting ready to leave her old life behind.

And we get a nice cameo from Bycon Melanie Lynskey, who commits to the New Jersey accent with an accent.

More so than anyone else.

Like she's auditioning for The Sopranos.

It is truly incredible.

And her purple sunglasses with the diamante detail.

She wore the fuck out of those.

And they're sort of seeing Violet off like she's going to war.

40 miles away.

She gives her life savings to her.

Moving into the next neighborhood.

Like she could cycle there.

It's ridiculous.

And her father's played by John Goodman.

And Violet has a terrifying co-dependent relationship with her dad.

And he sulk like a child when she leaves because apparently he can't cope with his daughter having any agency.

Or do washing up or anything.

I know.

Or doing, yeah, exactly.

Doing the laundry.

Oh no, I'll come back every Sunday to do your laundry.

It's like, this is a grown man.

I want to question, like spoiler alert, whether the mom died, she was killed by him or she just ran away.

I think I'd be doing all three.

At the record show, I deeply disapprove of this very dark narrative that's currently been introduced.

Well, the mom is gone.

She did die.

She has passed away.

Yes.

I think five years ago, she says or something like that.

Did she pass or was she passed?

All of a sudden, this is turning into like a Gillian Flynn novel.

But yes, so she leaves her dad and she moves to New York City.

And maybe it's a sign that times right now are bad.

But that apartment, I feel like, girl, that is not a bad apartment for someone who moved to New York City with pizza money and no job lined up.

No job.

She's in the East Village.

She has roof access.

Fuck off.

Honestly, it's ridiculous.

She could just live up there.

And exactly.

And so she really has no plan.

Outside of trying to shop her cassette tape around.

One cassette tape.

One cassette tape.

To all the different labels in town.

And one person she stumbles across is Wendy, the receptionist, who just found out her daughter is a bisexual and hates her.

I got very West country all of a sudden.

I was really leaning into it the way that Wendy was.

And I think, is this the first film in The Bi-Panic Room where the word bisexual is mentioned?

I think.

I think it might be.

I think it might be.

It may not be a positive mention, but we'll go with it.

We reclaim it.

Representation is representation.

There's no bad representation.

Representation matters.

It just matters.

I want the prequel where we get the backstory of Wendy's daughter.

Oh my God.

And Wendy, you broke her big toe.

Wendy does not seem like she has a daughter of 15 years old, 16.

I thought she was 22.

We may be 24.

Wendy?

Yeah.

Well, Wendy looks like she's in her late thirties now.

Really?

Yeah.

She had a troubled time.

The baby daddy ran off to be in the Peace Corps.

She was probably very young.

I learned a lot from her quick monologue.

I learned how quickly she cuts her down.

She is like, you dumb bitch, you've come all the way to New York with one cassette.

I have a bisexual diet.

It's one of those things where actually I did watch it and I was like, oh fucking hell, she's so annoying.

She is, but I think like the dose of reality that she needs, you know?

True.

And I think even though-

Oh, I mean Piper is annoying.

Oh yeah, yeah, I agree.

She's in desperate need of somebody telling her, no, this is not how it works.

And she could have been way meaner about it, you know?

So I feel like Wendy did her a favor.

Good to have a reality check so early on in the movie.

Also, so then she tries to she realizes she has to come up with a different tactic and she starts trying to go to clubs and stuff to shop her one cassette tape around.

And she goes to this club in an outfit and a hairstyle that literally looks like it's based on Britney in the Hit Me Baby One More Time video.

Oh my god.

We've got the pigtails and we've got a bit of like a cardigan going on.

She's got the sad face.

The frontage.

Sad.

And she ends up going to this club that's also a bar, that's also a restaurant.

And she is so naïve that she like instantly assume a guy inside who's hitting on every woman has power.

And she hands him her one tape.

And because he's a bucking dick, he doesn't immediately clear up the misunderstanding, but like sort of plays along, which honestly should have been enough of a red flag.

But Violet is obviously a small town moron and an Australian accent and a leather jacket somehow means she can't let go.

And dear listeners, I have to my absolute horror and shock discovered that I am in the minority for thinking that our love interest in this film is absolute fucking garbage.

So I'm opening the floor now to rebuttal.

I'm sorry.

She could have been attacked.

Anything could have happened.

She's a dumb bitch.

If Wendy did her a favor, so did Adam Garcia.

But at least he is a hot man who has an interest in her, a genuine kind, caring interest in her.

And he works harder than she does.

So I think he's pretty completely agree with that.

He's a pretty good catch.

I am really upset with how you talked about my first husband, Adam Garcia.

We had some magical years together.

Dancing through life.

Dancing through life.

Thank you very much.

My OG Fierro.

I love how you left one Fierro for the other Fierro.

Oh yeah, I got to get a new younger model.

But not straight too far from the brand.

I've got a type.

I actually agree with you, Charlotte, though.

When I rewatched this film, I was like, oh yeah, he's attractive.

And it took me back to when I first watched the film in my youth and it didn't say, oh my God, I like men.

It gave me, I like girls, you know.

I was, I appreciate he's a hot man and I appreciate he's a hot man still, but there was very limited attraction.

And he kind of comes across a bit too, just too perfect, too fair.

If you like, it just not my, not my type at all.

It is also, you know, to, to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I mean, they are setting him up to fail because this is, you know, a film dominated by incredibly hot, charismatic women.

So, you know, it is, it is an uphill battle for him.

The bar is very high for him to try and beat.

And also I loved the cameo in that bar from The Calling, singing one of my most-

We want a throwback.

Massive vibe and energy.

Wherever you will go.

Yes, that.

One Hit Wonder.

Extraordinaire.

How many times I watched that music video on repeat?

The music video was so ridiculous.

No, I can't even remember what happened to it now, but I know that I watched it many, many times.

Endlessly.

Spotify wrapped was a thing back then.

That would have been my top tier number one.

Absolutely.

Goodbye, Taylor Swift.

Oh, sorry.

Who needs her?

Yeah, I have a single, thank you very much.

No, it's Becky.

So, yes.

So going back to the movie, so Piper Perabo has now met this man.

And then she attempts an open mic.

But once again, you know, her blonde virginal innocence means she's too shy and she freezes on stage and can't perform.

Meanwhile, someone's broken into her flat and has found the stash of cash in her freezer.

So, you know, it's rock bottom for a hot young girl living in her own flat and she's licking her wounds at a diner and sees these four insanely hot, like super confident women.

And we're meant to believe that, you know, she's going to follow up about a job, but obviously, you know, she really just wants to go there because of her own bi-awakening.

She wants to see who are these girls and well, show me the motherland.

Tyra Banks, belly dancing, which is evident in the morning.

I think she's fucking great in this movie.

Yeah, no, she's quite funny.

She's having the best time.

She just flips out in this late night diner.

And everyone's on board.

They go there every night to decompress.

Yeah.

Oh, god, so good.

Check it out, ladies.

We made 300 bucks tonight, which is also thinking of like, maybe I should have googled what that is with inflation, because I was like, for that job, I was like, I think you should have made more money than that, love.

I mean, they perform in that bar.

I know.

That is like a contact sport.

Good lord.

No, because I was doing the maths on that last night.

I'm like $300 a night, five nights a week.

That's $1,500 a week.

So like that's going to be cash in hand.

I don't think they're paying taxes.

Probably not.

Someone alert the IRS on Coyote Ugly.

Lil doesn't strike me as someone who takes the IRS very seriously.

No.

We get probably in the 2000s, like if that's how much money you made a week, you could live off of that.

Wait, you could live off that pretty well-known probably still.

In the diner, we also get to meet a huge bi-awakening of Bridget Moynahan.

Oh, sweet Jesus, take the wheel.

And I think all of the women, obviously on the Coyote Ugly staff are gorgeous, but she truly left a singular impression because she is so fucking terrifying and so hot at the same time.

I actually, having re-watched the film, I didn't realize how little screen time she has, but at least out of all of them.

Such an impact, we all remember her.

Her only line that she says again and again is, hey!

Which I kind of want as a ringtone.

She's just so incredible.

Every time it comes up, I was like gripping the cushions like.

Say it again.

We really get, what do we get to see her like from her best side?

Because, so what happens first is that Piper, so Violet goes to the bar, which belongs to Maria Bello.

I thought you said Violet.

Violet, ew.

Rebrand.

Why not?

And she meets Lil, who is the owner of the bar, who is somehow the most like masked woman with the most femme face.

It's such an incredible combination.

And then Violet gives us some attitude.

And this is, I think there's like a real moment of tension where she gives Maria Bello some lip and Maria Bello can't believe that.

She's just sort of like stepping up to her.

And I was like, kiss, kiss.

This is the moment that is honestly the romance I wanted to see in this film.

Piper Perabo and Maria Bello.

Yeah, there was tension there.

There was some like 50 shades shit going on there.

I was like, this would have been.

Oh yeah.

When Lil takes a war on sleeves and just rips her t-shirt off.

Which she describes why she gave her the job, which is you look like ex-kindergarten teacher.

You're getting this job.

Like if a man said that we all would have been engrossed out.

Exactly.

Because she said she's like, because she has an arm tattoo.

You do what you want.

So she decides, because she looks like a kindergarten teacher, she decides that she's going to give Violet a try run.

So Violet comes in on a Friday, the bar is packed and she has like, nothing's prepared for what she's walking into.

Like all of the girls are jar eating on the bar, setting it on fire.

Bridget Moynahan is in a full leather outfit, like downing shots, walking through fire, cutting off a man's ponytail.

And I saw that and a bisexual was born.

I like the combination of all those things was like sold.

There's no turning back.

Get me to that sticky, sticky bar.

Bisexual do, yes.

And also while in the background, Deep Purple's Pour Some Sugar On Me is playing, a song that has literally had me in a choke hold ever since.

It's still on most of my playlists today.

Spotify rap.

So good.

Yes, probably number one song still.

So Violet is obviously massively in over her head and kind of fucks up from the get go.

Obviously also nobody shows her how to do anything.

She's just expected to know how to do this job.

That like work a till.

I mean, she's like, also we're not serving anything that isn't a hard liquor or a beer, like, but nobody told her.

So how is she supposed to know, you know?

What's the induction for this girl?

I mean, I wouldn't go to that bar and say, hi, can I have a large glass of Merlot, please?

Because you need a cocktail menu.

Can we just have a New Zealand?

Una Aperol.

So basically within 30 seconds, Maria Bello sends her packing again, but then she very randomly stops a fight from breaking out in the bar.

And Maria Bello decides she's into the kindergarten vibe after all, and sort of hires her to come back and in order to be able to second audition.

Exactly.

But she needs to be a little better prepared, which kind of includes, you know, the kind of image she presents.

So Cammie the Russian Tees takes Violet shopping and we get a glorious montage.

Loving the montages.

Early aughts, sexy clothes, including so many midi skirts in which nobody looks good.

Nobody.

An offensive length of skirt.

It's horrific.

Horrific.

Every time she like scrambles on to the bar wearing a skirt that length.

Why did you choose this?

You would never make it on to the bar.

You would face plant and lose a tooth.

There's no way.

The leg freedom isn't there.

Every item of clothing they had in that montage was heinous.

Oh, but there is that one thing where Cammie the Russian Tees wears like a sort of, I would say Chinese inspired sort of outfit, which is very low cut in the cleavage.

Oh, like a boob peep thing.

Yes, that also left a lasting impression.

She does wear that again as well.

She's also gorgeous.

She's fab and she does have some excellent quotes from me.

She's super fucking funny.

She is, you were saying this yesterday.

She's like the Karen from Mean Girls character.

Or Karen from Mean Girls is actually modeled on her.

But she's got more happening upstairs.

And she actually ends up like kind of taking Violet under her wing a little bit.

She gives her some drinking tips.

You know, when a customer buys you a drink, you just spit it back into a beer bottle because obviously it's not sustainable.

And then Violet tells her that she loves her and Cammie very kindly tells her that she's not a lesbian, but she has dabbled in the minor leagues, was it?

Yeah, which by the way, is a line written by Kevin Smith, who did punch ups on the script.

Yeah, which if now that you think about it, it does sound like a line written by a man.

I played in the minors, but never went pro.

Oh, that's such a good, it's wonderful summary.

And what we're really thinking is Bridget, which league were you in?

Oh, tell us.

All-stars.

Bridget went all-star from the get-go.

Gold star, gold star all-star.

So yeah, and then Kevin is a fucking stalker.

Kevin, by the way, is the wonderful love interest.

His name is Kevin.

He connects comic books.

And that's true.

And he shows up at the bar and Violet's already run into some trouble when she needs to make money for Maria Bello fast.

And so she pimps him out to the customers to make some money.

Actual pimps, though.

Truly.

And so the bar is rammed with female War Street women.

It's probably one of the best scenes, actually.

And they go fucking feral bidding on him while he strips, featuring a very young Caitlin Olsen, which I think is super fun.

Who?

Caitlin Olsen from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

I thought I recognized her.

Yeah, it's her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is she the blonde?

Yeah, she's the blonde.

The one who loses out and goes, yeah, shake it, shake it.

She really commits to the part.

The thirsty business woman in there.

I love it so much.

Do you know what?

I think this is probably the most accurate detail of the entire thing.

How insane all of these women go.

Is there America there for us?

It does ruin it when Maria Bello puts down 200 as a bid.

It's like, come on.

I thought it was for a man.

Come on, is this a beard bid?

Well, she's just trying to hike up the price.

You know, it's-

She was getting excited.

Must be ruining all the gay dreams out there.

No.

Well, maybe just for Adam Garcia, she'll go-

Maybe she's bi.

I'll go back.

She, that was her bi awakening.

Maybe.

Him shirtless on the bar.

I had to second-hand point to if it was.

My God.

Yeah.

So, you know, Violet manages to pimp him out for a lot of money.

So she now has a full-time job at the bar and is so happy about that.

And this is also when Maria Bello tells a very drunk customer why the bar is called Coyote Ugly.

And that, by the way, is not an experience I've ever had, but she makes it sound so fucking cool that I feel like I've missed out in life.

I know.

I don't know that I'd want to wake up next to someone and want to gnaw my own arm off.

I feel like that would be quite scary.

Yeah, but you'd feel like, oh, tick that box.

I've lived.

Exactly.

Exactly.

I mean, Charlotte, just go into town.

Literally.

Have a few drinks.

Yeah, it is Christmas.

Everywhere.

So yeah, so she's now working at the bar and the next time we're there, it's packed for Fleet Week and the place goes absolutely mental.

And this is going to be Violet's villain origin story because, you know, everyone's kind of, the bar is rammed and nobody's there to really try and calm everything down.

And so this is when she has to overcome her debilitating shyness.

This is one of the moments in the movie that we had to hide behind a cushion.

This is the, I think something that we've discovered in a lot of these bi-conic films is that there is a moment that makes you dry heave and want to let the world swallow you up.

I just die from the waist down.

Yeah, exactly.

And we call it the, there are three things.

The moment.

It's the three things moment.

What's that?

What's the first one?

Oh, there are quite a few in this one.

Yeah, she's not going to lie.

Really cringy.

She is.

I mean, to be fair, it's also like, also to a certain degree, it has nothing to do with her performance or anything.

It's just, it is a very uncomfortable moment of where she like has to try and overcome herself.

But at least she's singing Blondie, okay?

So we'll take that.

She doesn't choose Blondie.

This is true.

It comes up on the trip.

Blondie chooses her.

Blondie chooses her, yes.

She picks up a random microphone, which has never come up before, by the way, and it's connected to a perfectly working cell.

Yeah, somehow not been covered by beer or anything at this point.

So setting the scene, we have a club full of rowdy middle-aged men beginning to fight.

All the girls are being thrown around the place.

Navy boys are there.

Navy boys, they're all drinking and we're meant to believe that Piper Perabo gets up on stage and stops them by singing One Way or Another.

But whispering to start with.

One way.

It's like the first guy to notice her is like, yeah, this is amazing.

And everyone is like, is it?

Are you sure?

Do you need another shot?

The guy that's on the bar with her, like holding two loads of spirits, looks at her like, oh my God, I feel so sorry for you.

He looks like he could be her dad.

He's like, all right, yeah, I'll just...

It's almost like it works because they feel so sorry for her when they stop.

And that's fine because it ends up working.

So maybe you're right.

Maybe it's like, let's all band together and be united in trying to save the sad girl from herself.

I mean, she tried the ice thing that worked in the past.

Throw a bucket of ice.

Rachel was shouting, hey!

It didn't work.

But the quote at the very beginning was, oh, you will stop the world with your singing or something.

And like, this is her stopping the world.

Oh, that was it.

He said, well, what if the fate of the free world depended in your singing?

And she was like, oh, maybe I could.

And then it's like, oh, the fate of literally this bar that you've been in for two nights.

Well, that'll do it.

That's what you're doing, I think.

She's just getting a bit rowdy, like this, you know.

Maybe the boys from the Navy are a bit hard up for entertainment and just anyone having a bit of jukebox karaoke, all right.

Yeah, it'll do.

And it does because she basically then saves the day and everyone's very impressed with her.

And they do say, and they all wanted to, even the girls and Maria Bello say, there wasn't a dry seat in the house.

And I was like, this would be our local bar because this is the kind of, this is the kind of humor, you know, that is on brand for this podcast.

Bringing that quote back into my everyday vernacular.

100% all over that.

Are you fucking serious?

You two be sitting in there debating whether you should say wetty or wide on.

And there won't be a dry seat in the house, Grace?

Exactly.

You dry heave, but in your dry seat.

But yes, she's now really like coming into her own because this is like, you know, opening the floodgates, so to speak.

And so she's starting to write new music and like any good artist, because this is where we go into our next three things moment.

Oh, this actually is worse.

Like any good white artist should then appropriate someone else's art to make hers, quote unquote, cooler.

She's been in the city for a week.

Grace, do you want to do you want to tell us what's what happens in that scene?

Loving you.

She heads up to the to the roof because that's where white women get their inspiration.

And there is a guy breakdancing to his boombox.

And of course, she instantly goes, well, I can make this better and just starts like, do a throne of you, like, jazzy, yeah, like.

You know what this needs?

Synths.

DJ, DJ, we get a really cool beat in the background.

And then just sings the same line over and over again.

Loving you is something, not something I can do.

And it, you want her to walk off the top of the roof.

Here's a really something I should do.

No, it shouldn't, it really is something you should not do.

Stop it.

But it's definitely like being in the bar and, you know, finding a new kind of music has really like imbued it with, I feel like a certain sense of almost like sexual confidence.

Oh, absolutely.

Because that's when the scene happens that that really also left an impression on me when I was a kid.

She's in a full lavender outfit, which is the matching underwear.

Oh my God.

The outfit is so fucking atrocious.

Build up to the sex scene.

Exactly.

So she goes home to Kevin's place and he has set up all of these cardboard cutouts of people so that she can practice performing in front of an audience.

The devastating stage fright.

We missed that very first in the beginning.

So we were like, why are all these people?

Yeah, that's why.

Did you not know why they were there?

No, I thought we missed it.

Both of us.

No.

Some strange day call.

I've seen the film before as well, so I was aware.

He was like, I want all these fake people to watch us having sex.

Apparently, that's what Tessa thought was happening.

But she has no interest in performing.

She was like, no, instead, I'm going to perform a questionable striptease, and we're going to be hooking up.

A round of JFK cardboard cutouts.

Three row chemistry.

And she should have obviously been hooking up with Maria Bello instead.

But these were the early 2000s.

Everything just gets real cloudy.

It's like, please just sing.

All we wanted to do was sing.

We didn't need any of this.

And you know what?

Bring back the break dancing.

I think it's also a really uncomfortable, there are three things, because I think she's like 23 when they filmed this movie and she seems so young to me.

I was like uncomfortable watching her.

Oh, we were like, this is no.

And she's like a beautiful, beautiful woman.

But I'm just like, ah, this is creeping me out somehow.

Yeah, I was.

There's a lot of lingering on like camera work.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's a, yeah.

It's really objective.

A lot of erotic shadows as well.

Yeah.

When she takes off her shirt in like slow motion, you just see the shadow, the tits are out.

And you're just like, why, why are we doing this?

Also, I remember a slightly different version of this scene.

Do you remember seeing a director's cut of?

That does exist with a full sex scene.

It is pornography.

Wait, have I seen this?

Cause I was watching it on Disney Plus today.

It's the unrated version.

And I was like, where's the porn?

There's no porn in the Disney.

Come to the Lianne Ryde and stay for the porn.

Okay, I have seen that.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

It does exist.

On VHS.

Luckily we were scared.

Did it make it to Ireland?

So none of that.

Yeah, I don't think I saw that.

It probably didn't make it to VHS.

What was that?

God, that's kind of lucky stars, honestly.

Who wants to see that?

Loving you.

Ireland wasn't ready for it.

Can I just make a brief segue into, I can't even remember at which point in the film this is, and I'm going to say that it's an absolute canon easter egg type thing.

And there's a point in the film where she is dressed in like a Baker Boy hat with a green jacket and a scarf.

And she is dressed like Lena Headey's character from Imagine Me and You.

There is like a moment in the film where she was dressed like her and I just shouted, number nine's a wanker.

Which I now understand, and this feature in London.

But it also has moments in it.

There's literally one scene where all of a sudden she just swaps out what she's been wearing and wears that.

I feel like you're Charlie Day in the meme with the red thread.

Exactly.

That is me.

And anybody who understands anything that I'm saying, you'll find it.

It's there.

I mean, I completely support the theory.

Have you seen that movie?

Imagine Me and You.

Excuse me?

Yeah.

Tessa, you realize that we've talked about this at length.

I love that now in the film, they are riding on the high of the sex scene.

She's had her first good day at work, and now it's time for a montage.

Another montage.

Well, first, before we get to the montage, we have a heart to heart where we learn that the stage fright is intergenerational trauma.

So her mother was a really incredible singer-songwriter, but she also always froze on the stage and couldn't perform.

And somehow she has inherited this, and it's a massive obstacle for our heroine to overcome.

Even that explanation is sketch.

Like there's more to the story around her mother.

When I'm having a guitar.

All of that is absolutely ridiculous.

And she will never be cured, quote.

This is true.

Yeah.

Girl, give up, so go work in the bar.

Go earn more money, probably.

So yeah, you were talking about the montage, you mean like their sort of like falling in love montage.

Yeah, so they have lots of romantic kisses, and they play baseball for some reason in branded uniform.

Yeah, date activities.

Yeah.

All the coyotes are there just undressing in a baseball diamond and-

I completely forgot about that.

Clearly a very important scene for me.

Cammie's there just getting bras out-

Oh yeah, she's getting them out.

To distract the position, yeah.

It's like full inspiration for me.

It's gorgeous.

And then Violet's still working at the bar, so one night at the bar, it's all about getting wet and-

Not a dry seat in the house.

Not a dry seat in the entire building.

And I think this is like an insanely hot scene.

And it's like-

I reround it to watch it again.

Bucket's literally gushing down.

It's when they have-

Oh, when the father comes in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When the dad comes in.

So they're just like writhing around on the bar.

She is confident.

Exactly.

And, you know, I was going to say squatting water, so wrong word.

What am I looking for?

She's wearing that red.

Yes, she's wearing the red.

She's giving confident.

Yeah.

So she just performed in front of Patrick Swayze.

So Violet is just like writhing around on the bar and the other girls are, you know, pouring water down onto her while her dad is coming into the bar and obviously sees all of this.

Poor choice of words.

What?

Is entering the bar.

Yeah.

Is that, is that really better?

Arriving?

Walks into the bar.

Yeah, will do it.

Present at the bar.

And sees, sees what his little girl has been up to.

And he's of course deeply disappointed because he's a man.

And this woman who he views as his property is exercising her own bodily autonomy and sexual agency.

And that's just not right.

So of course he is, you know, deeply ashamed of how she's acting.

Also terrible timing.

It's the first time she's done anything remotely erotic in that bar.

That's so true.

Keep it going.

Oh, she's done before.

It's like tentatively singing to a microphone.

And throw ice over people.

So he basically leaves and won't listen to anything that she has to say.

And the next time we're at the bar, there's like a bra and tie night where all the women take off their bras and the men their ties and they're hanging all over the bar as you do.

And it's kind of getting too busy for Violet to leave, but she's actually scheduled to leave because Kevin has hooked her up with a gig through a friend where she's meant to perform.

And she's not really trying very hard to go because, you know, she still has this narrative of herself that like she can't actually get on stage.

The trauma.

The trauma.

And she can't disappoint Lil.

Exactly.

So she behaves like a dick to her boyfriend.

And it's just like, whatever, I can't, I can't, you know, get away from here.

So he disappoints his friend and he basically, you know, tried to make that happen for her.

And because it doesn't end up working out, he has to pay for it with a first edition Spider-Man comic that's worth like a thousand bucks.

The first episode with the Punisher in.

I was going to interject there.

After his performance on the Coyote Ugly Bear, why did he not just go up himself and just fill that slot?

Why didn't give away his Spider-Man or whatever comic book it is?

Magic Mike Orange and stuff like that.

That one, yeah.

Yeah, so, but instead, sorry.

Oh, I was just saying that she's going to have a lovely night in the bar because she's got her bump it in.

She's back home to hell.

And she like basically gets it on with Cammie that night.

So it was worth staying for, I think.

Yeah, she has a great time actually performing at the bar.

Yeah, she like doesn't really care all that much until Kevin actually then shows up at the bar.

And then he is instantly threatened in his masculinity because other men are admiring his girlfriend.

And he gets into a fight with one of them.

And Violet dares to confront him about it.

And then somehow he turns it around and makes his entire life like her fault.

He's never shared anything about himself.

And when she then confronts him about it, he like turns it around and makes her feel like shit for daring to not know that he's had a horrible life.

Again, red flags.

See you later.

So many red flags.

And then he shames her for conforming to societal expectations of women while she's just trying to survive, basically.

How dare she use sexuality in order to be able to eat.

But then she's also fired because one of the rules of the bar that Maria Bello told her about is that you can't bring your boyfriends into her bar.

Do you think that's just a little bit jealous?

She's like, get rid of your party book.

They're her girls.

Now that you say that, Tessa, I think you're absolutely right on the money.

So she's fired.

There's no rule about bringing your girlfriend to the bar.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Because, you know, you would never, you would just admire your girlfriend doing a very good job, riling on a bar.

You'll be throwing water all over her.

That's my girlfriend, guys.

Yeah, you probably wouldn't have to work either.

I'd be like, great.

I'd never want to queue at that bar.

They're like, can you just get down for five minutes and pour me a drink?

You just spilled, I just ordered that.

Also, you can never have your hand down on it.

Like you break it, but what's the problem?

Or wear any clothes you like.

Oh God, yeah.

Imagine going out in your finest and then fucking.

I mean, that is not the bar that you go out in your finest to.

This is true.

So yeah, so Violet's been fired.

Once again, rock bottom for her.

She goes back home for her BFF, Melanie Lynskey's wedding where her father tells her to her face that he is ashamed of her.

And Violet really needs to cut all of these men out of her life and win Maria Bello back.

I think that's the only way forward.

But then a second later, he ends up in the hospital, you know, and because he's a fucking child, he can't take care of himself.

He doesn't wear socks.

He doesn't wear socks.

But also he got hit by a car.

If he wore socks, it would be a different story.

And you know what I'm also thinking?

I think he had a car hit him deliberately to force Violet to move back and take care of him.

I completely misremembered this.

I was like, well, he had a heart attack.

That's what you get for when you're really unhealthy.

I thought that's where they were going with this film because he was always secret.

He was secretly eating.

There was no reason to keep showing all these.

John Goodman was really, really big, clearly unhealthy.

It's not like it would be that far off.

I was really surprised.

I was like, oh, they're going to talk about him having a heart attack.

He rocks up and they're like, yeah, so we just had to repair some femoral artery or whatever it was.

He didn't have a heart attack?

Yeah.

I was like, what?

I think it was his leg day, bro.

I was like, what was his heart?

I was like, no, it was his leg.

Exactly.

But now he's fucking changed his tune within a second because now he's all for her returning to New York and making it.

And it turns out her mother didn't have stage fright at all.

She basically was a great singer songwriter and then she got pregnant and allegedly like John Goodman let her quit.

But really he probably made her and all of these motherfucking.

He definitely poked a hole in the condom and then murdered his wife.

Well, I mean, I probably also told her the narrative like you can't, you know, have a family and also be successful at doing this because he was like, someone needs to wash his pants.

And he must keep his career up as a border control agent.

State lines.

State lines, not even border control.

That's right.

A toll booth operator, I think.

I mean, let's not look down on people.

Let's not.

But also.

I think if we're saying that John Goodman has deliberately walked into a car, it's not a stretch that he murdered his wife.

And I love the fact that as soon as this red-headed nurse comes into his life, he would not be less interested in his own daughter.

Don't need you in the house.

Got a hot new piece on the side.

You can chase your dreams.

Exactly.

Because at the hospital, he meets a nurse who gives him some aftershave and apparently asks him out.

I'll wash your clothes.

Exactly.

So that's all he's shopping for, really, isn't it?

She's washing more than his clothes.

Rose, a shout out to Melanie Lynskey's character for showing up in her wedding dress to comfort her friend.

I also love how this wedding came out of nowhere.

Like she's such a good best friend.

It just shows there's no love like friend love when she just shows up in an hour of need.

I also love when she says about her husband, like he's going to make a really good first husband.

I was like, girl, you are incredible.

So Violet, like, you know, makes peace with her dad and goes back to New York City and she gets a waitressing job at like a shitty upscale place and Maria Bello comes to grovel, you know, and in my head confess her undying love, obviously.

And then Violet, for some insane reason, doesn't want to come back to work at the bar.

And then she gets her quote unquote big break in a very vague random showcase.

That's like two days later.

She just walked into a school and just sees a poster.

I forgot how quickly this bit happened.

She's randomly gets a call from someone who's listened to her one tape and then like, and it's like, oh, come and play at the Bowery room tomorrow.

The Bowery ballroom.

That's the actual place.

And then she nearly fucks it up.

She runs late.

And who comes to the next montage?

Who saves her?

Melanie Lynskey.

Melanie Lynskey.

Adam Garcia.

No, it was Lil.

She turns up at the girls.

They close the bar.

Yeah, literally everybody turns up to support her.

And then she flakes.

This is when the stage fright storyline just makes you want to flip tables.

Yeah, this is the next.

We've already discovered that it's all a gaslight about this generational trauma.

There's nothing for her to overcome.

Like, you know, she's never had, I think she's never had like an actually deeply traumatic experience on stage.

It's just the suggestion of doing it, you know, and, oh, God, yeah, but she's able to douse herself in water in a room full of people.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So yeah, so somehow she does finally manage to overcome the horrifically traumatic personal flaw that is stage fright.

And she sings the absolute banger, Can't Fight the Moonlight, and then all her dreams come true a second later.

And Leanne Rimes buys the song within two minutes and then performs it at the bar.

She's got the boring ass boyfriend, a semi adult dad, her dream career, and super hot, amazing female friends.

I think you're missing out the part of when the dad gets up on stage.

She then auctions off her father.

Yeah, exactly.

She pimps out her dad.

Very interesting relationship with those two.

And John Goodman has to objectify himself on top of the bar.

My favorite line was when the woman was like, I want to take it off, put it down.

And she's like, oh, pull it back on.

Alex Borstein.

She's doing so good.

They've got some great cameos.

Is that Alex Borstein?

I know.

It's crazy.

And then for some reason, everyone's happy.

Everything's good.

John Goodman doesn't take his clothes off.

That's good.

And then we have to end it with, for some reason, Piper Perabo and the useless Australian kissing, even though nobody cares about that.

End of the movie.

Fantastic.

Very dramatic.

There's also just a knowing look from Rachel over to Violet at the last bit.

You go, that is just the validation that you want.

That I would crave more than anything.

When the villainous bitch just gives you that little nod.

She's already moved on to her next bit.

Oh my God.

It was so good.

Yeah.

Fantastic film.

Back to the banger, Can't Fight the Moonlight.

I had that on CD.

I had Leanne Rimes' album on CD on which that.

I copied it on to a mini disc.

A mini disc?

Okay, boomer.

Mini discs came in and went out as quickly.

Oh yeah.

I capitalize on that window.

They did actually make it to Ireland.

It's like 10 years after it was like died out.

Available now in Ireland.

I think that's what happened.

I think you're at Ireland.

You loved Ireland last weekend, excuse me.

Yes, it was lovely.

I listened to my mini-disc player the whole time.

Did you buy some new ones at the airport?

I did.

Yes, some blank ones to burn my calling CD on to.

Loving you.

I mean, the soundtrack is an era.

It is so good.

And with the cameo from Leanne Rimes.

Yeah, it's wonderful.

And we talked about it earlier.

Obviously, all of the singing that Piper Perabo ostensibly does in this was all covered by Leanne Rimes.

That shocked me.

I just presumed that.

Yeah, because she puts on like a voice.

At the end, she's duetting with herself.

Superimposing it.

She sings a completely different voice, Leanne Rimes.

She has like a huskier voice herself.

And she, I kind of enjoy this.

She gives Piper Perabo that like squeaky, Annoying voice.

Annoying fucking, I'm a fresh out of, I'm a New Jersey gal, just popping across.

I will say, I think there's lots of things about Perabo's character that are really annoying, but I think her as an actor, I think she's fabulous.

I think she has so much presence.

She's got like a Julia Roberts smile.

Oh yeah.

I think she's really underrated now in the industry.

Like she doesn't get enough work.

I think she's just fabulous.

And she's really good in this film.

I think with what she's, you know, working with for a 23 year old girl, I was like, she does all right.

Yeah.

What ever happened to Piper?

She had a show like on ABC or something for Covert Affairs where she plays.

That was really good.

She was pretty good on that.

Did she end up with traumatic stage fright and has been unable to escape it since?

She turns up in stuff, but not the kind, you know, that you would ideally want her to have.

Yeah.

Do you know, oh my God, do you know who auditioned three times for the main role in this film to play Violet and then backed out because of the sex scenes?

Who?

Jessica Simpson.

Shut the front door.

That's right, baby.

Can you fucking imagine?

Oh no.

I don't think we wouldn't have watched it.

I think.

No offence, Jessica Simpson.

It wouldn't have been a Bi-Awakening.

No, no.

No, no, no.

I watched all of her sexual awakening on the UniWeds.

All right, lovely.

So that was Coyote Ugly.

Absolute banger.

And she's beautiful.

Wonderful.

I will be listening to the soundtrack for the rest of the week.

Oh yeah.

And yeah, if one character is the one character who gives everybody bi-panic, Bridget.

Bridget, who also played Natasha in Sex and the City.

I know, she's beautiful.

Are you for real?

You're not aware?

Oh my God, she does.

It took me a second to get that.

Also a woman who in real life was impregnated by Tom Brady and then left to marry Giselle.

Stop it.

The second case of a man leaving his pregnant wife or partner for another woman after Billy Crudup and Claire Danes.

Oh yeah, it comes up quite a lot.

Common denominators.

They should just be gay.

Does this mean men are garbage?

No, it's just a coincidence.

They wouldn't have this problem if they just chose women.

Yeah.

If Bridget had chosen Maria Bello.

Exactly.

That's the sequel.

Those two running the bar.

Looking for the next generation of Coyotes.

Gorgeous.

There are three beautiful Coyotes standing in front of Tyra Banks.

You're still in the running because of Coyote Ugly.

I would watch that show so fast.

Copyright Earth.

Let's move on to this week's BP.

That's an experience or a moment in culture that made us think that we really are part of the queer community.

It's a moment that gave us bi-panic.

So shall we start maybe with Grace?

I volunteer as tribute.

Wonderful.

After being selected already.

Thank you.

Just commit to the bit.

I feel like everybody's gonna have the same bi-panic, which is that Wicked, the film was released slowly since our last recording and it delivers.

It's bi-panic for the theatre geeks of like our youth.

It's bi-panic for the cast.

It's bi-panic for the music.

It's bi-panic for the set design alone.

My god, like we are all a friend of Dorothy, if we watch this film, except we're not.

We're all a friend of fucking Elphaba.

And in particular, the scene with the little hands.

Oh, the little hands waves.

My god, there's so much sexual chemistry between those two characters that I don't even think was on the stage version.

Like the way they did that scene.

Yeah, I want them to rewrite Act Two where they just get together.

Yeah, I'm gonna be so disappointed.

I was feeling.

And just...

Sorry, spoiler, Tessa doesn't know what happened.

Oh, yeah.

And just the press tour of the back of it as well.

The press tour is giving...

Bowen Yang, like he for me in that film as well.

I didn't know he was in it.

And every time he was on the screen, he's a beautiful man.

He's a delight.

And I just thought he was fab too.

Just everything about it.

Did you see Ariana on his podcast?

Yes.

When she just put on her Hermione accent, I was screaming.

Do you listen to her?

So good.

Occasionally.

It is my favorite podcast out of all of them.

They're so good.

Ron's been squished.

Oh, it was amazing.

It's wonderful.

When worlds collide, it was so good.

Watching that film was like being a child watching Harry Potter for the first time.

I think you're right.

It was like entering an entire new world that they've built so perfectly and done such justice to the story.

And expanded on everything that needed a little bit of embellishment.

Yeah.

And I want a library like that.

I want to spin around in a library.

And I want Jonathan Bailey to spin around in my library.

Yeah.

I want him to spin me around in the library.

Anyway, that's me.

Lovely.

Tessa?

I think mine was also wicked.

Mainly the press tour though and the relationship between Ariana Grande and Cynthia Rivo.

I'm pining for them.

The amount of holding hands.

I've been sent on Instagram by Tessa related to these two.

You are indeed.

I'm so deep.

My algorithm has changed away from cycling at MyUnited and it has hello wicked.

I'm a theatre kid.

And it's a gay theatre kid who wants gay in their life.

Cynthia Rivo is a member of The Communité.

She is.

She's fab.

She would be in a waif.

Oh my God.

Is she for real?

Yeah.

I don't know when this happened, but I'm all for it.

What power couple?

I know.

I think the latest swath of is the two Glinders have come out and said that they think Glinda is a bit in the closet.

I think she's gay.

We are all holding space.

They truly know that the queer baiting is peak.

Like they know what they're doing and we love it.

They're just gay.

I actually thought it was a gay film.

You're like, no, it's not.

I'm like, oh, they're meant to be loathing each other.

You're holding space for the gay.

Bok is a beard.

It's a cover up for them to actually be a couple behind the scenes.

What was it like in your theater?

Because when he came on screen for the first time, obviously everybody in the cinema knew that he was, you know, now Mr.

Ariana Grande and everyone went like, ugh.

Why him?

How?

How?

Yeah, nothing.

Another one.

Tell me your secrets, man.

The scene in the movie, just where they are just looking at each other in bed.

It's like the screen is divided and they're just staring at each other with such love.

Gay.

I'm holding space.

We're all holding space.

Harry, what about you?

What's your BP of the week?

Well, it is usually wicked themed, but this one is going a bit different.

So My Bi-Panic Energy of the Week comes from the festive menu that Marks and Spencer's do every year.

Love it.

I just become an unhinged secret eater for.

Yeah, the Christmas Day sandwich.

Oh my God.

I just walk past and just grab the Turkey Feast sandwich.

How much is it these days?

It's like 450, sometimes five depending on where.

It was that last year too, though.

Yeah, I know, but I'm always thought I'm a humanitarian because 5p goes to shelter.

You're a hero.

Thank you.

Yes, I do it.

I do it for that, obviously.

But they've expanded the options now.

So there's this glorious sausage roll that I've got my eye on, but I'm just making my way through the sandwiches really.

So obviously I've got a lot going on in my romantic life, as you can tell.

I mean, have you ever met a man who treats you better than a sandwich?

No.

There you go.

I mean, the meat queue is when you both reach the last turkey sandwich.

Yeah, and I'm fucking getting it.

And then you punch that man in the face like, this is my fucking sandwich.

Oh, I just love a seasonal snack.

Like we're just getting on the back of Halloween.

I love the Halloween themed Percy pigs.

Anything that's just, I love a Mary teaser.

I love the pigs and blankets breakfast bap.

Oh, stunning is what it is.

Yes, I am getting my romance from sandwiches.

Lovely.

Nice.

Amazing.

Delicious.

Wonderful.

My BPE of the week is also music related and it is the absolute banger that is Lady Gaga's newest single called Disease.

It is obviously the first single of a new announced album that we have yet to get our hands on and it is just Vintage Gaga.

You know what I mean?

Like we've left Up Pop and Chromatica behind.

We've gone back to the OG shit and it is just fucking glorious.

Really, really dramatic.

She's really embracing her.

She's bringing her theater kit energy back into pop music, which is honestly where we want her.

And it's just a gloriously fun, slightly deranged song.

All of these things are what we want Gaga to be.

I saw the video as well where she's just gyrating around this residential area.

Gorgeous.

I've had it on repeat.

I know.

It's wonderful.

Definitely worth a listen.

I just not able to get into my playlist.

The moment we could mainly what is this feeling and popular and define gravity.

I just really sad that I never saw you be a theater kid.

I mean, Tess did not want to go and see this film.

Afterwards, she was like, I have been changed for good.

It was like it was like seeing her becoming a bisexual.

But here's the thing, no good deed goes unpunished.

So we took Tessa to see this and now she cannot shut up.

Please someone teach Tessa another line of this song.

She's the equivalent of a baby gay, but for wicked.

Let's end our BPE, our wicked themed BPEs of the week.

If you can't find us, look to the western sky.

And move on to our wild card of this week, which will be brought to you by Grace.

So my wild card pick for this episode is a film that I watched, I think, I must have been in my late teens, like maybe 20 when this film came out.

When did it come out?

I reckon we would have been late teens.

Late teens.

I think it was late teens.

And the film is Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch, Boom, Boom, which has, I'm sorry, there is so many violent elements in this film.

But I'll try and explain a little bit about it.

I will attempt to explain the pot.

Please.

Which is essentially, I think Zack Snyder described it himself as Alice in Wonderland with machine guns.

And that is about as much as you need to know.

On acid.

On acid.

I literally was like, someone was high.

If Alice had just finished a stint working in Coyote Ugly, that maybe explains it.

So it starts off, the opening of this film is essentially a music video.

Oh my god, that is so dramatic.

It is an emo, it was basically a My Chemical Romance music video, I would say.

I was drawn in.

I mean, yeah, it was fab.

I'll give it that.

With the slo-mo Snyder visuals, very dark, very gloomy, very like emo, to a cover of Eurythmics, Sweet Dreams.

Complete banger.

Which is fucking fab.

And Emily Browning actually sings it herself.

Emily Browning being who you believe to be the lead role.

And yeah, essentially you just see her mother has clearly been murdered, has left all of the money to her and her sister.

And the evil stepdad is very angry about it and is going after the younger daughter.

And she accidentally basically, she tries to shoot him and accidentally shoots her sister instead.

Where was her?

But it's all, yeah, it's all set to this, to this music.

So you don't actually see her.

I think she speaks until about 18 minutes into the film.

I think it's like almost 20 minutes before she speaks.

Yeah.

So basically the whole, the whole opening sequence is just a music video.

Which is fab.

Which is fab.

And kind of tears of bad blood.

It is.

And she is basically admitted to an asylum, Lennox House.

Nice nod there to Annie.

On Eurythmics Lane.

Eurythmics Lane.

Which is where she meets the rest of the cast essentially.

And let me just reel off some names for you.

Abbie Cornish, Jenna Malone, who I feel like is going to pop up in so many bi-conic films.

Oh my God, yeah, this is not going to be the only time that she's going to...

She's already in the Bi-Panic Room, a la Donnie Darko.

Oscar Isaac.

I feel like in his Creeper twink era before he became a zaddy.

I know, this is a real curveball.

I thought he was born a zaddy.

Where's the salt and pepper beard?

When he came on screen, Grace was like, oh, and I was like, him?

I love Oscar.

This is how I discovered Oscar Isaac.

Yes.

Many of us did.

Yeah.

John Hamm rocking those glasses and suspenders, not sadly the type you're thinking of.

And the eyeliner.

Hello.

Carla Gugino.

Yeah.

She's just gorgeous and fantastic, and I will not hear a bad word against her or her accent.

When she says raw, I mean, you're just like, you're just a shoo-in because that alone.

I like her victory roll haircut.

And then you've got Jamie Chung, and Vanessa Hudgens rounding out the cast.

Have I missed anybody?

No, those are the big hitters.

And Vanessa Hudgens really didn't bring her acting game.

We can kind of tears and try.

Tears and try.

Charlotte, you're looking blankly at us.

That's the kind of main cast you see.

And so she's admitted to this asylum.

And essentially a lot of people had a problem with the film because they were like, oh, it's just a wet man's wet dream, which is about women dancing erotically.

You don't ever see a dance in this entire film, which is, I was trying to explain it to you as it was going along.

So she's been admitted to an asylum.

She's going to basically be lobotomized.

And rather than kind of see the whole story happening in this dirty, filthy asylum, you go into this kind of shared dream, I guess, between all of the cast members, where they imagine that they're in this kind of brothel dance club vibe that is run by Oscar Isaac.

And Carla Gugino is kind of their mistress slash, their madam, sorry, slash dance teacher.

And every time they go to, in theory, dance for one of the men there, they basically then get dropped into a anime style fight sequence where Scott Glenn appears and just gives them some like one-liner, like open your eyes, shut your eyes, open your mind or something.

And it's just fucking chaos.

It's like Kill Bill meets Alice in Wonderland meets an acid trip.

Meets like World War I and II.

The most banging soundtrack of the time.

All the wars ever.

The soundtrack of this film is next level.

These like down tempo covers of all these classic songs are the most 2011 thing that's ever happened.

And it's amazing.

Yeah, I loved it.

It was the best music era.

Yeah, so the plot is kind of, it is essentially Emily Browning's character who is given the nickname Babydoll by Abby Cornish who plays the big grungy sister who is giving so much bi-panic in this film.

She, I think she kind of walks away with the whole film and she has such incredible presence and I think she's also one of those actors who's like criminally underused.

Like how did that girl not have a way bigger career?

Do you know who's fault this is?

Ryan fucking Felipe.

Go on.

She had an affair with him.

Yeah, she's the other woman.

God, this happens a lot in the films.

Yeah, there's a real narrative assumption.

And there's the women that get absolutely F'ed for it.

She's fab and so basically the whole film is about these women trying to work together to escape this asylum and they have to collect five items.

So a map, fire, essentially a lighter, a knife and a key and a fifth item that she will just know at some point, but it's going to be a sacrifice.

So you're kind of told the whole plot of the story, very Shakespearean, before it happens.

The fifth thing is a mystery, much like this plot.

There is three things and then two more things.

I think that is, I think it's definitely a film like in lots of ways where you just have to suspend your disbelief, where, for example, so she is told by Scott Glenn that these are the things she has to get in order to get out.

And when she then presents that, you know, those things to all the other girls, they just believe her and they don't even ask her for clarification.

Just a key, we need a key, don't know what it opens, but a key is what we need.

It's the master key.

Yes, key is in Troy.

Well, they've seen one key so far.

It must be this one.

That must be the key to our freedom.

Yes.

Key to the study.

So it's basically the great escape, but very different, but sexy, but very sexy.

And yeah, and that's the plot, essentially.

It's hard to get flashbacks of Vanessa Hudgens.

When her machine gun just going around shooting people, I was like, it's just the most unbelievable thing.

Like Abby Cornish kind of pulls it off.

Well, she'll always be Gabrielle Marquette.

They're fantastic.

The choreography is, I think, and I think, I also think like, I think Vanessa Hudgens is kind of the weakest link in The Girls.

And I think she's just miscast in the role, but I will say there is a scene where, where we do see an excerpt of her dancing and she's obviously very, very good at that.

And I do think the choreography of her fight scenes is actually also really good.

That's all the positive things I can say about Vanessa Hudgens in this film.

Well, I think, Grace, what was the first thing you said about her when she came on screen?

I think I was like, oh, don't worry, she gets shot soon.

It takes quite a while.

Yeah, I thought it was sooner.

It's quite a long film.

When it happens, you're like, okay.

Okay.

Like everyone's reaction in it.

I mean, I much prefer her bow out in High School Musical 2 where she goes her own way.

Oh, I sang that at one stage.

What was she doing?

You didn't get it.

I was like, oh, she's going her own way.

Got to go my own way.

I've got to move on.

What was she doing?

If she broke into that during Sucker Punch, I would have been really entertained.

Yeah.

I mean, there would have been a probably a fucking incredible remix of that song.

There would have been, yeah.

The first, because it is a bit, it's a strange film to try and keep up with, but it's not like, not in like a cerebral what's happening.

No, not in a Donnie Darko way.

Is that slander?

No, it's in like, in a slander against Zack Snyder.

Yes.

But I will say, I was in as soon as Bjork started playing.

And I think that's a song where it makes me deeply uncomfortable.

Like it's not easy listening music, is it?

But it's so, oh my God, evocative.

Yeah.

I'm like, yeah, she's about to dance, but now Bjork's playing and now she's kind of taking on giant samurai men with fire in their eyes.

And she's got a sword and she can kind of, she can kind of house a flying daggers fly.

It was a bit of Game of Thrones kind of thrown in there as well.

I have to admit, like the fantasies within the fantasy where they dropped into all of these different sort of scenarios where they have to, you know, fight some kind of villain.

I kept checking out.

I was like, could we transfer orders?

That's the least interesting thing, I think, about the whole film.

I mean, I loved their entrants into each of these things.

Like, that Jefferson Airplane song, You Lose Your Head.

When they, like, as a team, they're slow mobile with all their weapons.

Zach loves an entrance.

That was banging.

And then, like, they're in trenches in World War I, wild, big samurai robots and a big bunny is there.

I would say just that fantasy bit was a bit too much as well.

I do wonder what the film would have been like if they'd stuck to the dancing.

And they did the slow-mo dancing down the halls.

I mean, you don't like strictly Tess.

Don't know if it would have worked.

I don't know.

I think it could have worked.

I think because I was the same as Charlotte.

I was like, can we fast forward this?

I was getting a bit bored at the fight scenes.

Well, it gets a bit repetitive because obviously it happens several times as we try to, like, you know, acquire each item.

It was like Game of Thrones, literally like a fight episode.

Yeah.

Like where they would have the whole episode of fighting.

Have you seen Game of Thrones?

Yeah, I rewatched it in COVID.

It was great.

But then tested.

But it was clearly enough though that you got quite upset when Jenna Malone, spoiler alert, sacrifices herself.

You were like, oh my God, no.

It's very sad.

She's wonderful.

Yeah.

So it was, that's your sucker punch a little bit there is that she sacrifices herself.

And then it's quite sad because Abbie Cornish, when she is dragged away from her sister's dead body.

Oh my God.

I will say the performance is in this, aside from Vanessa Hutchins.

People are really giving.

She takes it really seriously.

Yeah.

She's incredible.

Was this before or after she had the fear of rifle e-bush and her career was like dead?

Well, she was like, this has to get me back into it.

This is a big budget Snyder film after Watchmen.

So I think they thought it was going to do really well.

And sadly, it did not.

It made its budget.

It did something for the bisexuals of the world.

I asked how much did the cast make this movie?

It was 82 million.

That's a lot of money.

It is.

And I will say money well spent.

I think if they just took away from a few of the fight scenes and had, I actually think the concept of the actual concept of it was really good, but the fight scenes were just, it was a bit too much fantasy.

Yeah.

How, Grace, how does it end then?

So it ends with, so what I like to say in this film is you've got two different sucker punches.

So I think men, men who are creepy and who would have gone to see Jennifer's Body for Megan Fox, they get the sucker punch when every time someone starts to dance, they don't get to see it.

And they're like, oh, fuck this.

And I think we get the sucker punch as women in terms of, like it's an all female cast.

We've got the reality there.

They're strong, they're fighters.

So we get this film where the women are at the front of it.

But at the end, the reality is men will still stab you through the eyeball.

So the lead character ends up having to, the fifth thing, obviously the mystery is that this was never her story.

She has to sacrifice herself in order for Abby Cornish, the hot one to, and I think we all agree that we would all do that.

We would all sacrifice ourselves for Abby Cornish, who rocks like a stud, by the way.

I feel like her and Rachel would have gotten really well.

The leather, the height, the strength.

That would have been amazing.

Does she want to come back for Coyote Ugly too?

I think she should.

Anyway, so yeah, so she sacrifices herself in order to let her be the one that goes off and lives freely.

And that's the way they win.

But I think that's the sucker punch for us as women, which is that in reality, only four women had to die for that to happen.

For one to live.

For one to live.

Can I also say that the other sucker punch for women is the fact that this is a film ostensibly like about women, some kind of sisterhood and female empowerment starring a lot of like very strong female actors.

And yet the person who walks away from this movie having just left them all in the dust is a man, namely Oscar Isaac.

He just wipes the floor with his performance.

I mean, it's just incredible.

He is fab.

The final scene of him is captivated.

There's something about the way he speaks in this film.

Like I don't know what it is.

Even though it's really creepy, but when he's talking about the fact that he can't play with his toys, I don't know what it is.

But I was like, I think I want to be a toy.

I'm a toy.

I think if he said that to me, I'd be like, not a dry seat in the house.

Not a dry seat in the asylum.

There is something about him.

There is an extended version.

Can I just point out here?

Because there are so many incredible covers.

Coyote Ugly.

Is it pornographic?

It's pornographic.

Is it?

That's going to be a query safe character.

I mean, but it kind of is like, again, the sex scene is the one that was cut out.

The sex scene was cut from this film.

Who was in the sex scene?

The sex scene between Jon Hamm and Emily Browning.

That is cut from the film because the MPAA made them cut it so much that it actually looked like Jon Hamm is taking advantage of her.

When it's meant to be like a consensual sex scene.

So Zack Snyder decided to cut it himself because they weren't happy with the way it looked.

Well, he's barely in the film Jon Hamm.

But do you know what?

Their scene that the way it is now available, I watched it on Amazon Prime.

When they do have the scene just between them, it is really hot.

His presence is just...

I don't mean when he's about to lobotomize her.

I mean, in the brothel fantasy, when he's the high roller.

Oh, when he rocks in in his white suit.

Yeah, and he tells her about...

He's trying...

He's looking for truth.

Truth is what he's after.

Yeah.

And...

Why do they cut that?

It sounds like the best part of the movie.

What, the sex scene?

Well, do you know what they also cut is a duet between Oscar Isaac and Carla Gugino, singing, Love is the Drug.

I'm sorry, did I watch a different...

You've watched the extended version, Charlotte.

I've seen the extended version where that is in and then so is the sex scene, which is really hot.

Oh, okay, you have seen the full...

Yes, I can show...

I've got the extended version on Blu-ray.

So we watched this on DVD last night.

She wouldn't let me...

Maybe extended version.

Oh, yeah, you have seen it.

I thought that we were in Ireland in the 80s.

Yeah.

So this soundtrack is fucking insane.

So good.

They do covers of the Smiths, of the Pixies one.

I remember listening.

That would have been on my Spotify rap.

Oh, that's so good.

That and, yeah, I mean, Sweet Dreams, Love is the Drug.

They do Army of Me, Bjork, which is like an incredible remix.

Incredible.

A mashup.

I can't want the mashup is the Queen mashup.

Oh, God, yeah.

But so good.

That was on all of my playlists.

Yeah.

I had that.

Oh, my God, Jefferson Airplane.

That is just so good.

Go and if you were also a fan of like Donnie Darko being the Bi-Panic Room, you're of that era, listen to this soundtrack.

It will give you Bi-Panic.

But yeah, I feel like guys, I'm putting this to you.

And I am quoting Scott Glenn to say, if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

And right now I'm standing for Sucker Punch to go into the Bi-Panic Room.

I will now hear your thoughts.

Well, that's a very, very strong ending.

And now I am proposing something.

I've been re-listening to a lot of our episodes and I've noticed a pattern with the wild card choices, which is that them two, meaning Grace and Tessa, do tactical voting where they each go last on voting on each other.

And so they can...

Grace did not tell me to vote for her thing before this.

But then it's always like, oh, I'll vote it in for you because I already know it's not going to make it in.

So I propose that the first person who has to cast her vote on this is Tessa.

Fair play.

I actually knew you're going to do that.

I think it's going to be me.

So when you're defending it, I had my list.

I was thinking of my pros and my cons.

It's going to be very much down to the pros and cons.

So I was compiling a bit of a list in my head as you're defending it.

So my reaction to what this may be last night was, I was very sad and a bit disturbed by it, to be honest, because it just...

Like, because you were at the end, you were like, oh, well, you know, they kind of won.

And I was like, well, no, she didn't, she got lobotomized.

Like she lost like big time.

But I suppose Abby Cornish and I suppose walking away on the bus was like a nice moment, at least to end it on.

And at least we didn't see anything else happen with Oscar Isaac.

I think that would have tipped me over the edge.

So I'm going to go with the negatives first.

The plot of going to the multiple world wars mixed with Mission Impossible, mixed with like aliens on earth, whatever you want to call it, was a no for me.

I was like falling asleep, wanting to fast forward through it, even though I didn't fall asleep.

Oscar Isaac, Abbie Cornish, very strong performances, very attractive.

Actually, Abbie Cornish, she's a real vibe in this.

Soundtrack is like big 10 points because it was so fab.

I actually think it's something I'm going to download later on to my VHS, to my DVD player.

It's really hard because obviously we're watching it now and we're like 32 and I'm trying to remember what it'd be like if I was younger watching it.

Would this have given me my panic?

And I actually think it probably would have, although I think it would have deeply disturbed me as well.

I think it'd be a movie if I wouldn't ever watch again.

So you're not going to be up for watching the extended cut later?

Oh, I kind of want to see the scenes.

I actually just go for the scenes.

I think with Jon Hamm actually, because I did actually wonder why is he barely in the film?

It makes no sense.

He's like a big time actor and he's the hottest man in it.

And he's only in it for two minutes giving her a lobotomy.

I was like, this just doesn't make sense.

So I actually, funnily enough, I would be really surprised, Charlotte, if you don't vote the same based on those scenes, what you've described already.

So I am non-tactically going to vote it in because I think you defended it very well.

I think the soundtrack, which for me is such a Coyote Ugly as well, I think is a big reason why that was such a like, you know, Bi-Panic Room movie.

John Hamm, The Mistress, I asked for her name.

Spy Kids.

Spy Kids.

She wasn't married to Antonio Banderas.

She was.

Not in real life, but in the movie.

Oh yeah, I know.

She wasn't in real life.

Why do I always think they were married?

Because they are the parents of Spy Kids.

Yeah, nobody thought they were also married in real life.

Do you think that was just real life?

The parents for all of us.

In Ireland, that's what we're told.

It was very family.

This is a documentary movie.

Anyway, Spy Kids will feature some stage actors.

So yeah, Harry, you're next.

Okay.

I started watching this film thinking, I've seen this before.

I thought this movie was Spring Breakers.

The whole time, I was like, I've seen it.

If somebody tries to wildcard Spring Breakers, I will leave the podcast.

Same.

I've seen it.

You were like, Ashleigh Benson's in this.

I was like, no, she's not.

I've not seen this movie.

Yes, Spring Breakers is terrible as well, isn't it?

Well, I didn't think it was Spring Breakers, but I did think that I had seen it before, but then it started and went, I've definitely not seen this before.

Loved the opening scene.

It was felt very, very Jared Way, very stunning, very My Chemical Romance, which is right up my street.

Very dark, big tick for me.

Every song was absolutely slapping.

Then about half an hour in, when it turned into the fantasy segment, a big what the fuck cloud just drifted in front of my eyes.

Things got cloudy.

Coincidentally, I was wearing my lavender two-piece underwear.

I didn't really know what was happening, except for Vanessa Hudgens casually throwing an axe around.

A dragon got slain at some point and...

The dragon!

Can I also just say that when, I think, is it baby doll slices open the dragon's throat and then exposes the inside?

And I thought that looked very mushy adjacent.

Do you follow on Instagram things that look like a snatch?

I really don't know, but now I will.

Charlotte, that's like, I thought you ran that account.

That's my Finster, actually.

So yeah, look at that and give a suggestion.

So after seeing, you know, the samurai, I love the samurai, I love, as a big fan of Kill Bill, as you know, I thought, okay, we're onto something here.

And I just did not have a fucking clue what was going on.

Loosely trying to find a map and a key.

I get it.

Sure, we've all got our own side quests going on in life.

And then Oscar Isaacs just kept popping in to scene.

And the only one who could rock that little porn stash, well, not only porn stash, what kind of pencil mustache just like casually on his lip.

Oh, he just looked stunning.

And yeah, so my interest was re-peaked every time he entered the scene and Jenna Malone.

And then she just gives eyes with everyone.

And she can just act so well, just non-verbally with everybody.

And it's just really magnetic.

So love the performances.

Just didn't have a fucking clue what was going on with the plot.

But isn't that a bisexual life?

It's paralleling.

So yes, confusion aside, just because of the darkness, the leather, the samurai swords despite it going into a first world war kind of side plot.

Didn't get that one.

Vanessa Hudgens just casually getting shot and no one cares.

I mean, she did turn out to be Judas.

You know, she she portrays the girls.

Yes, it's true.

Compared to Jenna Malone who sacrifices herself.

People still didn't seem to care.

They're like, oh, killer.

Yes, but she goes back to find Sweet Pea in the closet.

She's like, what about the others?

No, she's like, OK.

So, yes, for that sucker punch, can absolutely be welcomed into the Bi-Panic Room from me.

But don't ask me to explain what the plot is.

I wouldn't dare.

For reference, Grace is Nicole Kidman clapping.

Yeah.

Watch the diamonds.

What I really enjoyed in the IMDB trivia, there seems to be a running trope where so many people had put in the so-and-so audition for the role of Amber, so-and-so audition for the role of Amber, that someone's put in Nicole Quick Kidman audition for the role of Amber.

I know.

I know.

Which cannot be true.

But it's not just her who is of a different age range.

I think there's two other people in there where you're like, no, that makes no sense.

Which was Amber?

Jamie Tung.

Yeah.

Oh.

I think Dame Judy would have made.

Dame Mushy Danch.

Sadly.

She could play Carla Gugino's role.

I would buy it.

Just absolute side quest as well, speaking of.

One thing I wrote down that I really enjoyed was the fact that Jenna Malone was in another film with another mirror trick.

Oh, go on.

Have you seen Contact, the really famous mirror trick in Contact?

Yes.

They filmed it when they were running.

Yeah.

I hadn't actually clocked.

I must have seen this film a lot as a teenager.

They do an entire sequence where they go around the mirror, but then they go around the mirror again.

I was like, how the fuck did they do that?

It's Jenna Malone again.

I think Jenna Malone is just a mirror.

She's a magician.

Jenna Malone mirrors and bisexuality.

For some reason, they will come hand in hand.

Absolutely.

Isn't that just a mirror of our own bisexuality?

It comes as a metaphor.

I actually think I wrote down a metaphor here for Charlotte because I thought you might be a tough one to swing.

Sell it to me.

I put a metaphor really where they've got two worlds and they have to live out their own life in their mind just to try and figure out if they're gay or not, basically.

Nice.

That's my metaphor.

Well, the good news is that while that is a good metaphor, it was completely unnecessary because to me, this was always going to be a no-brainer because I genuinely think that you and I, Grace, are literally the only two people who both saw this movie when it came out and liked it.

Charlotte, you were absolutely teasing in the group chat because I thought you were going to absolutely annihilate me.

I've been absolutely terrified.

Well, I can only second, third, fourth when it comes to the plot because I wrote down, what is this movie about, question mark?

I genuinely have no idea.

It doesn't fucking matter.

Everyone is hot.

The soundtrack is banging.

We are trying to do something.

This was a big experience for me in my late teens.

So yeah, to me, this was always going to be a shoe in.

This is the Christmas present.

Look at this, the Grand Slam.

This is a clean sweep.

Iona's had a Grand Slam.

Was Donnie Darko a clean sweep?

Yeah, it's not our first one.

Was Donnie?

Was Donnie Darko a clean sweep?

No, Tessa didn't put it back.

Yeah, I didn't put it in.

But we've had one before.

Holes.

Holes.

Holes.

And Demolition Man.

Yes, famously.

I was like, I do remember to bring it up.

In Tessa's dream world, Demolition Man makes it in.

Just before that needle reaches her brain.

I think we can say that Demolition Man had a better plot than Sucker Punch.

And for those who are playing the drinking game of has Tessa mentioned Demolition Man today?

There you go.

Down a bottle of vodka.

Cause she didn't.

Not a bottle.

Well, I mean, if someone mentioned once, you need to get.

That's true.

Demolition Man.

Demolition Man.

It's a high stakes game.

The new people.

Don't say it three times in a row.

He'll appear naked.

Anyway, back to Sucker Punch.

Thank you guys.

I am so excited that this film is in The Bi-Panic Room and Nicole Kidman, whether or not she auditioned for a role.

I mean, she is truly our Bi-Panic Room MVP.

You know, she has yet to actually feature in a movie with Dumbledore, but she has been like film adjacent from episode one.

So, all right.

Well, lovely.

This is, I think Grace has elated that she has, you know, brought Sucker Punch with a clean sweep into The Bi-Panic Room.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Bi-Year!

Yeah, hopefully the world hasn't ended yet.

Is there a way we can cram it in?

There's always a way.

Happy New Year!

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[Outro music]

[Sting]