#5 - Cruel Intentions (1999)

Brace yourself and gird your loins for the first deeply problematic addition to the Bi-Panic Room.

For three of your hosts, ⁠Cruel Intentions⁠ taught us a fundamental truth about life: blondes are pious angels and brunettes are sexually promiscuous sociopaths who blaspheme by storing recreational narcotics in their crucifix necklaces. Or something like that.

Your hosts question their own decision to bring this controversial cult classic into the bi-panic room…

This week’s bi-panic energy features several women in suits and Charlotte’s wildcard pick is a real throwback to your 2000s Disney education.

Listen to full episode :

Episode Transcript

[Please note that transcripts are automatically generated so may not be 100% accurate]

Welcome to The Bi-Panic Room, a bi-monthly podcast exploring the films and television series that trigger bisexual panic, aka Bi-Panic.

This episode, I will be joined by my fellow gatekeepers of The Bi-Panic Room, Tessa, Grace and Charlotte, to discuss Cruel Intentions.

That's right, the 1999 masterpiece and MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss.

Pin in that.

Starring Ryan Philippe, Reese Witherspoon, Selma Blair, and an absolutely incredible Sarah Michelle Gellar.

This will not be the first time I will be absolutely gushing over her performance in this.

So grab your crucifix necklaces as we delve into the countless moments of bi-energy that make up this movie, making it a worthy entrant into The Bi-Panic Room.

As per all these films, there's been a chaotic opening credit scene.

This one, the camera work is zooming back and forth Manhattan as Ryan Philippe makes his way to his therapist's office and we meet our initial character.

But first, we have to be reminded that we are watching an adaptation of a 1782 novel, Les Liaisons Dangeruses.

That's a dangerous liaisons for you.

Thanks for translation.

We know we're in for a treat when the additional cast members of Christine Baranski and Suzy Kurtz pop up.

Anyway, so we're back in the therapist office and we learn some initial manipulation tactics of our handsome teenage protagonist.

And I don't really want to go too much into this bit because in this century, we like to call what his manipulation is called as a revenge porn.

I mean, this is this is ostensibly the star of our movie and he's like a serial sexual harasser.

He really reminded me of like Patrick Bateman, but like in teenage form, you know, from American Psycho.

Oh, completely, yeah.

Yeah, stacked.

How, how is he the lead of this movie?

It's horrific.

He's like the worst character.

But he seems to be just so hot with it.

Well, that just shows you can get away with just a touch of charm.

You can just revenge porn your way out of therapy.

But he's got none.

I would agree with that.

I'm sorry.

Nothing is happening.

He's just got some dead shark eyes, horrific, like Justin Timberlake hair.

And his acting is like pouty boy, you know?

You just want to slap him.

It's just so awful.

I think Grace's quote of the day when she watched it was, like, thank God, Reese Witherspoon divorced him.

Well, no, I just don't understand why they got married.

I'm sorry.

There was zero chemistry the whole way throughout the film between those two.

If anything, I thought that they actually, during that sex scene, maybe accidentally conceived their children and ended up getting married.

Yeah, because someone's there just doing their vows.

Yeah.

He's got more chemistry with his apparent on-screen sister than he has with his apparent on-screen love.

Step sister, but it doesn't matter.

Pivotal.

Technically, legally important.

Yeah, I just don't get him as the lead in that film.

But, I mean, so obviously, he seems to be maybe an actor and also a character that really divides the audience.

So like Grace, also clearly not a fan, but Harry, for you, was this like a seminal experience watching him in that film when you were younger?

Not the initial scenes, but there is a part where it all becomes very apparent of certain awakenings.

I felt like, what's his name?

Joshua Jackson, who was in it for like a few seconds.

They should have swapped roles.

I feel like he would have been great in this little tiny part, this little side part.

And Joshua Jackson, I would have believed in that role as this like, because he'd already done it, hadn't he?

In Dawson's Creek, he'd been the, you know.

A lead of some sort?

Yeah, he'd been a lead.

He'd stolen the girl.

Was he a Harithrab?

Yeah.

No, no, like there wasn't enough chin.

More than Philip, what's his name?

Ryan Ferrell.

I think that the problem is that Joshua Jackson, like, doesn't have the chin for it, which sounds weird about the guy that he was with.

Yeah, Eric Manibus.

Is it?

Yeah, he's.

Oh, he's more of the lifty fame.

I think All American.

I think a mannequin could have played it.

They could have just put a bit of streaming tear down his face and I would have bought it.

But whilst we're on Joshua Jackson's character, because he was barely in it, but he plays Ryan Philippe, Sebastian's kind of confident right hand man, manipulator in rolling up weed randomly through the movie.

Oh, yeah.

But I quite liked watching this when I was younger, just that he was just a confident gay character.

There was nothing tragic about him.

There was a bit of witty repartee between the lead, who is a straight, horrible person, and this gay character, who is unashamedly himself and is friends with and manipulates with, which is a side.

I was just going to say, you have to acknowledge the fact that there is equality in the sense that they both sexually blackmail somebody in this film.

Yes.

Equal rights now.

They are equal in it.

Exactly, they are.

And you know, Joshua Jackson being the gay guy, he is playing with the big boys.

He is hanging out with Ryan Filipe, who is in pictures with the president, Bill Clinton.

Oh, there is no backstory to their parents at all.

They are money and powerful in Manhattan.

And just not there, just leaving their clearly irresponsible teenagers in charge.

I do love how we are really pulling strings.

Grasp your straws.

I feel like if it was made today, he would 100% be sleeping with the guy himself.

Oh, yeah.

I think it would be that thing of like, he's just, yeah, he'd be buying character.

I mean, this movie exists in TV form, it's just euphoria, right?

Isn't that just what this is from the 90s?

That's true.

Yeah, I feel there'd be a bit more interwoven sex scenes between the characters.

And the genders.

And the genders.

Or non-gender conforming.

Yes, that's what this film is lacking.

Yeah.

The thing is, though, the only references they make otherwise is completely PC.

I feel like all the, like, what's the word?

This is one of my big, again, I'm looking at it as watching it.

I, for the record, I did not watch this film as a teenager, so I feel like I'm judging it more harshly than the rest of my colleagues.

Too much of a modern lens.

Too much of a modern lens on this.

And when I was watching it, I heard them, like, take the piss out of lesbians and then call, I can't remember what word they used to describe the gay man.

Trevor's a fag.

Trevor's a fag.

I'm sorry, you can't remember what word they used to describe the gay man.

I know there's a few.

No, but they said something else later on.

She said, oh, when he wouldn't sleep with Sarah Michelle Gellar, spoiler, there was something she called him.

When he wouldn't sleep with his sister, shock, there was something she called him like, are you like a ham now or something?

Or are you hamming someone?

There was some, I don't know.

Wait, what was this thing about burying the pork, someone said recently?

Were we on a podcast when someone was talking about?

No, no, no, the River of Ham.

Hamming it up.

Guys, the River of Ham is something completely different.

She basically said to him, are you swimming in the River of Ham right now?

And she used-

Don't sully this expression.

It is sullied enough as it is in itself.

But I feel like there was, yeah.

There were all these terms and I was like, all of it was like very derogatory towards the community.

And they were horrible people basically, and they have no right.

I will interject though, with his recent swing comment about, oh, are you a lesbian?

Because she was like walking away from him being really confident.

You could swing that around and turn it into a positive of like, oh, he's being rejected.

Okay, you must be gay then because you don't want me.

And it's like, it's almost like he's really respecting her.

Maybe I'm reaching it.

I think you are reaching it.

But I actually think what was about that scene, because when he says that, I was also like, here we go.

Here's the 90s sort of, you know, gay phobia.

But her reaction of like, no, I'm not a lesbian isn't like, no.

Like she's disgusted.

She's just like, no, I'm not.

It's just a statement of fact, which bizarrely again, reaching and grasping at straws.

But it felt for a 90s movie in which, you know, we have no problem like throwing around slurs.

It felt like, yeah, no, I'm not.

And that's the end of it.

Like, there's no-

It wasn't said in a negative connotation.

Reith is an ally, always has been, always will be.

Women's stories matter.

They just do.

Anyway, we've now, we've been introduced to Sebastian, awful character.

Bad man.

But nice bit of revenge porn to start off his character journey.

And then we eventually meet Sarah Michelle Gellar playing Catherine Murtua, which I'm saying wrong, but it is a name of the initial character from the book.

She has problems.

She has, is from a broken home.

Like a hot girl problem.

Yeah.

But she introduces herself quite positively.

She's the student body president.

Angelic.

And she's caking under a character, Cecile, under her wing.

Instantly, she's got a backstory.

She wants to do her dirty.

This poor girl is 15 years old.

With a mental age of four.

I mean, we have to get into it.

Played by Selma Blair, who is 26 at the time of filming this, looks like she's 36, and tries to clearly counteract her actual age by, like you're saying, Grace, acting in a way that has nothing to do with being a teenager, but something else entirely.

Nothing which is respectful.

And it's just...

It's like the oxygen deprived, if you will.

Or being locked in a basement for 10 years.

What is going on in that performance?

I mean, I think that everybody, except for Joshua Jackson, is awful in this movie.

But she gives Ryan Philippe a run for his money with that performance, and that's really saying something.

I mean, it is quite unforgivable how she portrays this 15-year-old girl.

And instantly, with the legs open and everything, she is so, so like, horny.

Constantly open.

And we're meant to believe that she has no awareness of what she's doing.

And you're like, guys, scale it back by five, because this is just too much.

Well, easy target for Catherine to manipulate.

And, you know, this whole film happens within like four to six business days.

So much is packed into their summer break before...

They almost are all lesbians falling in love.

I was going to say that is the only lesbian thing about it, how quickly they fall in love.

Oh, my God.

So we eventually get to some form of plot where...

Why is this in her?

What's happening?

This is where we all question our choice.

So there is a bet that if Ryan Phillippe can sleep with Reese Witherspoon, his soon to be wife.

Very virginal in her manifesto, by the way.

She does not want to have sex for marriage.

She's very pure.

She's the blonde angel compared to our devil that is Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Brunette, you instantly know she's bad.

She died, so no one got mixed up with Buffy because she played them just the same otherwise.

So if he can sleep with Reese Witherspoon, then he can sleep with his stepsister.

And this is also a very interesting point about the adaptation, which blew me away because I thought, oh, okay, it's from a book from the 1800s.

They were probably related because I guess they were all doing it like that back then.

No, that was added for the film.

In Les Linaisons des Genreux, they were not stepsisters or related anyway.

They were ex-lovers who have a bet.

So that was like a modern edition, which was a creative choice.

I feel like there's going to be a documentary about it.

I think Tessa really touches on something, is that the fact that a man wrote this, and no men should be allowed to write sex thrillers about teenagers anymore.

I feel like it's going to be like a documentary about this at some point.

Maybe that's why Selma Blair was behaving in the way she was behaving, because directorial choices.

He was like, yeah, play it like a child.

And she was like, OK, interesting.

No, I'll go for it.

Younger.

No, younger.

Yeah.

Keep going.

Oh, threatened.

Just to also...

Why is this in the room again?

Just to make one comment.

Of the time, Grace, it was of the time.

I also want to have one comment, is who is getting a manifesto on page 163 in...

What is it?

New York Weekly?

Whatever it is about being a virgin.

Is she High Society?

I don't think she was.

Well, she is the daughter of the new upcoming principal of Manchester Prep School.

But then who's still...

She's not Serena VanderWilson in Gossip Girl.

I don't understand how she's gotten that...

No, but I think they all are.

Yeah, I think they all...

But still the fact that we're thinking like, even if you are someone's fancy daughter, you get to be published with your teenage manifesto is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

It's just been bad.

Her and the Jonas Brothers on page 3.

Who was on the front page?

Was it Jennifer Hewitt?

Yeah, it was, wasn't it?

Jennifer Hewitt was on the front page.

Jennifer, love Hewitt.

Oh, recent co-star with Ryan Phillippe.

With...

I know what you did last summer.

How has that man had so many roles?

Well, they did dwindle.

I think he became...

I was just gonna say, he doesn't now.

So I want to talk about a very key part of bi-energy that happened in this movie.

So as part of the manipulation of Katherine for Selma Blair, Cecile, she wants to kind of sexualise this 15 year old, which I'm not advocating for any of this, but it is a very key moment in the film where Katherine is sat in Central Park.

It's the summer.

She's wearing top-to-toe black and it's perfection.

Whoever did the wardrobe for that scene didn't need some recognition because it is so good that the rim of this hat is enormous.

She's wearing enormous sunglasses, top-to-toe black, not eating any of the picnic that's provided in front of her.

And they come onto the topic of kissing.

And Cecile, being a 15 year old school girl, has yet to experience kissing.

Moments later, French comes out to you.

It comes out that, why don't we practice?

And then Blair, Coffee and TV, excellent song, is playing in the background as a trail of saliva between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair cuts across the Central Park skyline.

Now, I know that, like, that is such a seminal scene, you know, and I think it is made, obviously made fun of a lot in a scary movie and, you know, it's that thing that I think, like, you always talk about, like, a little bit of spittle.

And so I just thought, like, that scene is probably so repulsive and disgusting.

That was actually hotter than I remember it being.

Oh, I'm glad, yeah.

I was, I was, I was like, all right, fine, this is not the worst thing about this movie.

It was a better kiss than I remember, actually.

Exactly.

A worthy winner of the 2000 MTV Movie Awards.

I agree.

It was the best kiss.

That one, I agree.

Getting the lesbians out, though, even though I wasn't a lesbian, but, you know.

Hard disagree.

I watched it and I just thought, this is made for men.

Oh, again, you can tell it is, for sure.

I was trying to think about being a teenager.

The bar is so low, you have to.

The bar is so low.

But you know, when you're a teenager, and I think, even if you're a teenager, for me anyway, I don't know, I watched films and if there was like an actual gay vibe there, I was like, oh, oh, interesting.

Oh, I think where it was just something that to me was, it may also have been though that, I know you mentioned, so not another teen movie did parody this with Jenny Schechter from The Elves.

Yes.

And the amount of saliva.

She played it so well and with an old lady.

And I just think for me, that scene, I probably would have gone into that scene with a very prejudiced view anyway before watching it.

And it did disappoint in the way I could imagine.

And you could never unsee the Joe Schechter version.

No.

And it just did nothing for me, I'm afraid.

I would catch that argument and say when you're watching as a teenager, you know, it is one of the first few scenes you're kind of seeing on TV of two girls kissing.

Yeah.

And even if it is made for men and you know, where I think that's what I think a lot of even like the bi-girls have had to kind of cope with is all of these, a lot of these scenes are made for men, but we didn't ever see that on TV.

Yeah.

And that was one of the first few movies.

And I remember feeling almost a bit like, oh, I'm watching this in secret and like secretly being like, oh, you know, you're like, oh, sure is it.

Is this what I'm really into?

I just double checked this was the Cruel Intentions version and not the general movie one.

So yeah, I think that's where it was one of the things.

I think this movie was kind of into, it was a kind of a sad thing to watch.

And you're like, okay, this is a vibe.

No judgment from me.

I didn't watch it as a teenager.

So I won't judge you guys for enjoying that.

Whereas watch it like now, I actually do agree with you to a certain extent.

I'm like, this movie is very problematic.

Incredibly so.

But it will not stop me from enjoying most of it.

As a 10 year old watching it or an 8 year old.

It was like 8 or 9 when it came out.

You were like, it was 9 to 9, wasn't it?

9 to 9, yes.

Obviously, you were not at the premiere.

But who let this kid in?

Hey kid, no scooter.

Another excellent part of Bi-Panic for me, again, comes from Joshua Jackson's character.

And I was watching this as a teenager, as we were saying, very early version of the Capital V territory.

And there is a scene where Joshua Jackson's character describes his love affair with a closeted companion, says, he's got a mouth like a Hoover.

And I just kind of had to invent what this meant.

So sexual education in the UK was not very good.

So I just decided what it meant, and I don't think I got it right.

Do you care to share?

I just I think it was just kind of like a big kiss.

That's so adorable.

Again, it should not have been watching out.

I was not the target audience.

But and I guess in some way it is a very special kiss.

It is a special kiss.

You're absolutely right.

Yeah, a Hoover like, if you will.

If you know what you're doing.

So yeah, this film was, I guess, in some way, my sex education, which is dark.

That's interesting, though, because there's not a lot of sex in the film.

No.

For a film that is so taboo and is so widely talked about as like a very sexually explicit, it's not very sexually explicit.

So I was surprised by.

There's the uncomfortable dry humping scene, which when, oh, when they're even the two of them around the couch.

Yeah.

We took, I think we skipped it.

Grace, not about your eyes.

Sarah Michelle Gellar lies on top of Ryan Philippe.

When there's some rubbish.

Some rubbish.

Yeah.

Again, though, that gave me the vibes that he was, well, I got vibes off Ryan Philippe's character that he was gay in that film.

Okay.

That's, here's what I think.

I think this movie is a missed opportunity because I think what should really have happened is that they realize they're awful people, but the only people that they can stomach is each other.

So Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ryan Philippe, and they should have like Gray Garden style, realize that they're both gay and just moved into a house upstate somewhere and just been bitter together.

Oh, they would have loved that.

Because they're both gay.

I maintain that this is true.

Of course they are.

It was her idea to go straight in with a kiss in Central Park.

She's obsessed with the idea of like having sex with Sarah and Blair.

Yeah, that all came from her.

She's living vicariously through him.

Yep, Sebastian always goes to his friend Blaine with his gestures, just keeping him sweet.

Wow, this is awesome.

The Stroke of Midnight.

I particularly like that one, that was quite good.

Are you any more Cairns?

That has opened my eyes a little more.

I hadn't considered the prospect that they're all gay.

That there was a missed opportunity there.

For sure.

Yeah, there is a potential for a spin-off of an alternative timeline.

Absolutely.

Where they're just retirees living in a beautiful mansion upstate, having different lovers come and go.

Terrorizing the staff.

And they're just manipulating people.

Yeah, exactly.

Trapping the staff and their sexual web of debauchery.

That's so awful.

Ah, the sexual web of debauchery.

I'm not involved in enough of those, really.

Same.

I've touched on this a bit, but it needs to be talked about.

Ryan Philippe in the pool.

This was a gay awakening for, I guess, dozens, maybe tens of people.

Maybe five.

So he lures Annette, played by Reese Witherspoon, into the pool, and she's wearing her very sensible swimming costume.

And as she emerges, he is there, ass to the door, presenting to her, and it is a glorious, glorious peach of an ass.

One must admire it, pause it on VHS, which I had, and just like, see the ass in between the static.

Flickers and flickers.

We're old.

Yes.

Oh, God, have I just identified my age?

You say that now, but you know, the Gen Z kids are probably trying to buy VHS recorders now.

Yeah, hard media is coming back.

Did you ever watch that Netflix show I'm Not OK?

It was actually really good.

It was like one series in that we went to do a second, and then pandemic hit and they canceled it.

But the only thing that really pissed me off in that series was that the kids, because one of those a bit like such education, it's set in a historically ambiguous time, where they look like they're in the 70s, but they have iPhones.

It's like modern but not.

And all the kids that are apparently, because I thought it was set in the past and it's not.

And they're talking about all the kids getting VHS now, it's like the new cassette.

Yeah, so actually they were talking about it.

I was like, do not even try that, and it didn't really pick up, but cassettes are back.

Yeah, they are.

Yeah, vinyl had a takeoff, but I don't want to get a cassette player again.

Because at least vinyl is good quality, whereas cassettes just no.

Yeah, when the tape got all strong, I didn't want to wind it back up.

Sorry, I'll cut all this.

I digress.

But again, just talking about how great Sarah Michelle Gellar is in this, when she's dyed her hair black, she's, you know, it's going to be a different type of character that she's playing.

Oh yeah, you know she's going to go full bitch.

Some of these quotes are just fantastic.

I hate it when things don't go my way.

It makes me so horny.

Written by a man.

Written by a man.

So clearly.

But played so well by Sarah Michelle Gellar.

I mean, she gives it her all.

I will say there are a few quotes that I also read it after.

And one of them is, and I think actually Ryan Philippe is the one who says this, email is for geeks and pedophiles.

It's like, that's nice.

Yeah, at least they're after the pedophiles, you know, the movie.

This is true, but they certainly don't self-identify, is that?

Like when he makes, you know, child pornography with Selma Blair, and it's just insane.

And then he sexually blackmails her with it.

The movie is so dark, it's unbelievable.

And it was kind of billed as joining in with the ranks of American Pie, She's All That.

They came out at the same time, like, oh yeah, just throw them into the teen film lump.

So people watching it expecting to see this romantic comedy.

It is so far away from that.

Awful.

Yeah, I do hope no teenagers went with their parents to the movies.

Oh my God, no.

Can you imagine?

There's one excellent BPE moment that I like when we see Katherine, Sarah Michelle Gellar's bedroom, and she just has this gorgeous head shot of herself just on her dressing table.

As one does.

And it's just like quite an intense one as well.

She's like looking straight down the camera and it's a full A4 ornate frame.

She's a self-care queen.

You just know that they shot a scene that they cut where she talks about the fact that she looks at that when she masturbates.

A hundred percent, I guarantee that they shot that.

That's the kind of stuff in this film.

If they let me.

But here's the thing actually, because I think there is one thing that they very quickly touch upon in the movie that I think is that is what it should have been about.

And I really think they missed it, which is that she talks about, Sarah Michelle Gellar talks about the fact that her stepbrother is whoring his way through the Upper East Side.

And it doesn't matter, if it does nothing to his reputation, really, he will still be a part of that social fabric.

It's all fine, but she has to create this entire persona of being-

Angelic.

Angelic student body president.

But she's actually also very sexually confident and she knows what she wants, but she has to always hide that.

And the fact that she can't be her true self.

And then at the very end, I think it's not just that she gets punished for whatever games she was playing with Ryan Phillippe.

She's also getting punished for her true self.

I think that's what the film should have been about.

Like that is a tragedy.

And she descended on her as the main character, really.

Exactly, or even because even at the end, when then everybody knows, I feel like you could have almost reframed that being like, yes, this is now terrible, but also this is setting her free because now she doesn't have to pretend to be anybody.

It was like, why are you like, there is something there, but they-

Written by a man.

Exactly, just breezing right past it.

If you bring it back in as well, then Ryan Filipe's character is completely forgiven for everything he's done just because he's died.

Oh, because he fell in love a little bit.

He fell in love for the last 24 hours.

With a blonde.

Yeah, and took her virginity and was like, bye, and then was like, actually, no, I love you, and then dies.

Again, they met the week before.

He's then forgiven.

So it actually is an insight into just how society is still treating men and women, really.

That's the one bit I think we were sat there watching and I was like, oh, this is vaguely feminist.

Her speech when she's saying like, I'm confident, I want to sleep with people, I want to do this, that and the other.

That was like, I was like, fair play, that's in here.

Right, it's true.

And then like you said, he gets away with it.

Because can we remember that he also technically drugs Selma Blair because he gives her, he spikes her drink.

He gives her Long Island ice tea, it does not explain what that is.

It was absolutely larley and nasty.

She's like, she's such an idiot.

It's offensive.

She's such a dumbass.

But going to the sex scene, which was there's only one really where it actually happens.

So uncomfortable.

But the build up to it where they start to get it on, she like reveals a slight bit of sternum through her jammies and then he bolts.

Sternum.

No boob yet.

You got to build up to that.

Anyway, he disappears and then next day, it really doesn't change his mind.

He awaits Reese with a spoon at the top of the escalator.

And I don't know if it's the Counting Crows colourblind song that plays.

It helps.

The entire scene.

I was like, well, that's how I'm going to lose my virginity, obviously.

I feel like he's going to find you at the station.

Yes.

I'm surprised he even knows his way around there.

He's so rich.

So rich he doesn't use public transport.

Where do they go?

Because he meets her at the station, then they're having sex, and then he's like into the car.

Bye.

But it looked like...

His place, his place and Sarah Michelle Gellar's.

He went all the way home.

Because Sarah Michelle Gellar's like upstairs watching him.

Like a...

Oh yeah.

Like a Disney villain.

Exactly.

Which she is, to be fair.

They're so rich, like she had a flight and she could just cancel it like that.

Where was she going?

She was going home.

I can't remember.

I'd be so annoyed.

She wouldn't claim all those Avios points.

I know.

Also, just another thing to interject, the soundtrack.

That was great.

That was fantastic.

It was probably one of the best parts of the movie.

I mean peak 90s, the movie starts and I'm like, this is transporting me to a different time.

It's perfection.

Fun fact, that song was on the Formula One PlayStation game.

Which one?

Like the original EA sports.

It's in the game.

What, the placebo song at the start?

Take us home, Tessa.

I was like, I love this song because it's the second time I've heard it this week in a 90s movie.

Oh, okay.

I think it was in Holes as well.

Is it?

I think it is.

It's in somewhere, like we watched something recently and I'm trying to think about, oh, what would it have been?

Oh, maybe Freaky Friday.

So when the comeuppance of Catherine, Sarah Michelle Gellar happens, it's in a scene that's actually quite jarring because it's the first time that we see them at school.

And it's just a reminder that this whole film, they were all children.

They were underage.

So wildly underage.

And she's just got like accessory for her coke.

I mean, the coke necklace was just iconic of the time, everyone.

Can I also ask about the coke necklace?

Because it plays such an important part in her quote unquote downfall at the end.

But we only see her do coke out of the cross right at the end at school, right?

In one of the opening scenes, we see her.

Does she do it?

We see that she acknowledges it, but does she do coke out of it?

She does it after Selma Blair goes, she whips out the necklace, does it, and then Ryan Felipe throws a napkin at her that some girl has given him, and then she uses it to dab her nose.

Like a real lady, like a real girl.

Wipe away the residue.

Like all 15-year-olds do.

Yes.

That's a good point.

Where is she getting it?

I mean, I understand people are rich, money buys you everything, but who is that coke hookup and why don't we never get into that?

That's more interesting than whatever Reese Witherspoon is meant to bring to the table.

That's true.

Also, another correlation I wanted to bring in was how some the Mean Girls clearly looked as either director for Mean Girls or the writer of Mean Girls was clearly watching Cruel Intentions.

The Burn Book.

The Burn Book.

And Regina George is actually Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Yeah, that ending is very Mean Girls with the, oh, everybody's, my world is crumbling.

Why?

Because there's a burn book out with.

Yeah.

Or what's it called?

Or just Cruel Intentions.

A Memoir by Sebastian Valmont.

Yeah.

Which is just shit.

Have you paused it and read it?

Yeah, it's Coke.

No.

The best.

Oh, terrible.

And his doodles.

Yeah, and his writing is really hard to read.

And then, getting published so easily.

There we go.

This posthumous success.

All you have to do is die.

Yeah, exactly.

God.

Typical.

He slapped his way to the top.

He did.

Oh, actually, the only bit where Reese Witherspoon does give any energy at the end is when she's driving that Jaguar, which I don't quite know how the will happened.

I literally like, did he change his will literally the day before?

Because that's about how long they've known each other.

That's big lesbian energy.

It is.

You're in my will, bitch.

Estate is managed.

You're getting the Jag.

Yeah.

Just as they have sex, he's like editing it on the phone to his lawyer.

She gets the Jag.

But also, and then Reese Willis Moon has the time to mourn Rain Feeble and then turn his diary into a memoir and a book.

All before the first day of school.

Yeah.

Also, why is there a funeral happening with his parents there in the school, or his parents just attending a very confused...

It's a memorial at the school.

I don't think it's a funeral.

Why is everybody except his parents a student?

It's just like they decided to rock up.

This is for students, clearly, and her parents are there just to catch her coking necklace in action.

Because they have somehow read it inside the church, even though they were being distributed outside the church.

And then they stand there and literally shake their head at her in slow motion for being disappointed.

And I was so enraged because I was like, where were you?

This is your fault.

She did not get raised by you.

Exactly.

And then you also wonder how bad the actors were that they couldn't give them any lines other than to just slow motion shaking their head.

Because they couldn't, you know, give them proper.

But luckily, Bitter Sweet Symphony sings at home.

And that song, it just makes you think of that scene every time.

So the question is, are we're happy, not to be controversial, that this is making its way into The Bi-Panic Room?

It's probably the first one that's had a bit of a question mark and a divide.

But I think it's the thing.

It can't, I mean, they can't all be masterpieces.

You know, I think that there are going to be problematic and more complex choices in there as well, I think.

And I think, just in terms of your first, it's kind of like you were saying, Tessa, like the first exposure to even seeing two women kiss on screen.

Yes, like obviously through a male lens and everything.

But it is the first time you were actually able to see some of this stuff that is woven into the fabric of, you know, having a Bi-Panic episode.

So I feel like...

Bi-Panic episode.

I mean, it would inspire one.

It's a condition.

It is.

But I do think as well, yeah, Josh Jackson and his gay character, I've forgotten his name already.

Blaine.

But even how high up in society, though, he is as a gay, and he is an out.

As a gay.

You know, in the night for gays.

But you know, even that exposure alone, it's showing that that kind of path was paved and, you know, that these people existed.

And good for him as well for playing that role.

It wouldn't be a bad movie.

From Dawson's Creek, where he was playing this like lead, straight love interest for Katie Holmes, your favourite.

Another fantastically emotional action.

Oh, yes.

God, the range on her.

So much chemistry.

Will her back catalogue be making it into the room?

It might be.

I'm sure we mentioned somewhere.

OK, so Cruel Intentions does have a place in The Bi-Panic Room.

I think so, yeah.

On a lower shelf.

Yeah.

But I think the impact it had on my life quite still stands.

And I think generally, like in terms of pop culture, it is probably like a staple of, you know, of what we would now potentially think is like more inclusive queer culture.

I think exposing that to exposing those things to a straight audience, it might have actually done something.

Yeah, I did.

I did.

It's weird, I have to watch it and think this is the straight person's bi-panic film.

100%.

And I kind of thought, as well, I obviously did my little bit of research and had a look online.

And I saw that it's obviously it has a cult following and it's kind of been picked up year after year.

And I think that as much as as an adult, I can't see this as a bi-panic film.

I cannot erase your experiences.

You were the ones that watched it.

So you have that.

You have more authority on this over me.

And who am I to remove that from anybody's life?

I can't.

Thank you for not minimizing my bi-panic.

I wouldn't.

I would never erase your experiences like that.

And yeah, and I think the Internet is telling me that it is a bi-panic film and it's a bi-panic staple.

And it did a lot for a lot of people.

And we can't, we can't judge.

And we just have to say a little side note, you know, bear in mind that it might not be acceptable today.

But a lot of our films are from the 90s anyway.

So the next part might be cut, but it shows a Catholic church in the negative light probably one of the first few times in pop culture.

In what way?

That like Sarah Michelle Gellar's character is angelic.

She's part of the church.

She has her crucifix.

And then you see this ass full of coke character coming out of her.

And it's a showing of how people can use the church as a cover to be pretending to be good.

I feel like you're giving it more credit than it deserves, but I like this.

I like where this is going.

Also Reese Witherspoon, she literally lasts like two days.

She's like, this is my manifesto.

I do not believe in sex before marriage.

She's exposing her sternum in no time.

She's in the food pool and that's it.

They don't sex shame her for giving up her...

She basically is easy as anything because she's like, I'm not going to do this.

This is my life.

This is my religion.

What about Trevor?

And then she opens her legs like Selma Blair.

And then who's Trevor?

Trevor's a fag.

I wasn't just waiting for you to say it, Harry, because somebody had to and it had to be you.

And then, yeah, but then, you know, what's her face?

Sarah Michelle Gellar is just open about it.

And then she's the one getting shamed.

And if anything...

And Selma Blair, she's a child.

She doesn't know what she wants.

A diminished capacity in every sense.

It was quite funny when, like, it's really bad, but her character's being thrown off the bed.

It is so funny.

Did she do her own stunt work?

Because it looked really painful.

And she's, like, not perturbed in the slightest, like, he's throwing her off the bed.

She's like, oh, get them back up.

Yeah, she's funny.

And then even Sarah Michelle Gellar threw off her as well.

And yeah, it was actually very funny.

So, you know.

Yeah, so I think we're happy.

It's in The Bi-Panic Room on a low shelf.

It's there.

The memories live on.

Exactly.

But we have learnt from it.

Yeah.

And Trevor's a fag.

Trevor's a fag.

We've also learnt not every day anyone take pictures of us.

No, consent is king.

Yeah.

Even if they say your legs look absolutely...

What does he say?

Oh, God.

It's phrased so creepily.

Yeah.

You've got something legs.

Oh, but it's...

He references Tara Reid as well.

Excellent cameo, I must say.

Oh, yeah.

Tessa was like, is that Ashley Benson?

I was like, she wasn't born yet.

Not everyone is Ashley Benson.

You wish.

But yeah, they have a striking resemblance in that picture.

Oh, also, it must be noted that Cruel Intentions did have a spin-off musical.

And there's nothing more gay than that.

So that is correct.

And for that reason alone, it deserves its place in The Bi-Panic Room.

OK, after that deep dive into Cruel Intentions, we will now just lighten the mood with whatever bi-panic energy we've had this week.

Starting with you, Tessa.

So my bi-panic energy of the week has been, I think it's a very obvious choice, but obviously with Wimbledon as Andea in her suit and her hair, she's got two hairstyles going on.

One is straight and one is curly.

And I think it's, again, it's just especially coming with challenges as well, which I think we will be maybe in spoiler having a look at further down the line.

Yeah, it's just a vibe.

But she's just sat there watching the tennis and she's like, mm, and I'm sat there watching her going, mm, yeah.

She's the Bi-Panic Energy of the Week, so.

Well deserved.

Very simple, really, yeah.

Yeah, looking fucking fabulous, yeah.

The press tour for challenges.

Oh my God.

Was a work of art.

The tennis ball shoes, the full length polo shirt dress that she wore.

And sensational.

Jonathan Anderson did a fabulous job, isn't it?

The woman is flawless.

Yeah, that was an absolute vibe.

And it had something for everybody because she went for the messy hair up one day and then she went for the straight hair down.

So it's like she had one day for the gays, one day for the straights.

Literally.

She knows her fucking audience.

She really does.

She used both sides of the tennis court and she is tearing it up and it is juice.

She gave a forehand and a backhand.

That's how it works in tennis, right?

Game set match, Zendaya.

50 love, something, something.

Tennis.

Balls.

New balls, please.

Oh, excellent one.

Okie dokie.

Okay, thank you for that, Tessa.

Now, Grace, do share.

Mine is a little bit of a copycat of Tessa's.

It is also Wimbledon, which gave us a plethora, using that word again today, gave us so much bi-energy.

There were so many, and it's the people and what they're wearing.

It's great.

And mine was Lea Williamson, who, former captain or current captain, I can't remember because she's injured, of the Lionesses rocking up in a fab suit that...

I've got one, I think I've seen this.

Oh my God, she had to Google it.

It's so fucking fab.

I'm not usually one for the blondes, but go for Wimbledon, Lea Williamson, and it just can't be argued.

Look at that, look at that.

That was the slowest Googling of something that's ever happened.

Grandma gets the phone out.

The hair, the suit, the tie.

She looks insane.

Yeah.

Please tell me this woman is gay.

I don't know, actually.

I don't think you should be allowed to-

Harry, can you Google if she's gay for us?

I don't think you should be allowed to be on a national football team as a woman if you're straight and also not allowed to wear a suit like that.

Yeah.

Not to be like stereotypes and gender, you know, conforming and things like that, but also she has to be gay.

Clearly this is queer baiting otherwise.

Okay, I've just Googled partner because, you know.

Go on, Harry, break the news.

It's all women.

Part of the community.

Not that we wouldn't have had bi-energy from her if not, because the majority of the films we have watched so far have been completely straight people, but you know.

We do grasp its rules, but it's nice if every now and again, we don't have to.

We need that representation.

No, I really do approve of this suit and it's the hair.

So yeah, absolutely.

And I think we can all agree that Zendaya and Lea Williamson served, served indeed.

Excellent, Dan.

We love a pun.

I think just a little aside, which is not going to be my BP, but maybe a part of it.

Another Wimbledon guest, Pierce Brosnan.

Oh my God.

Did you see him in the stands of Wimbledon?

The hair, the beard.

The beard.

The suit next to Glenn Close, both of them looking just out as well.

I'm sad that Tessa is actually missing this moment because she would be all over this.

She would bit all over Pierce.

But I'm also quite glad that she's not because she's saying, you didn't put Mrs.

Doubtfire in the Bi-Panic Room.

I think it's an excellent impression then.

Yeah.

Pierce Brosnan's just appearance.

The man just keeps getting better every year.

So fine.

So fine.

It's like if Dumbledore went and shopped on Savile Row.

Yeah.

Savile Row and got tailored.

Yeah, exactly.

Dumbledore, but hot.

And special mention for Glenn Close as well.

They wore an equally impressive suit.

Professor McGonagall, but hot.

But hot, yeah.

Don't know why I've decided to tie these people into Harry Potter.

It's given hot Hogwarts.

Why are you just saying Maggie Smith?

Maggie Smith, hot, great.

Just if they decided to recast her with an American.

Glenn Close would play a great McGonagall.

I think she should play Dumbledore.

Dumbledore, don't you dare.

Dumbledore, that would be great to be fair.

But obviously that could never happen because Joanna JK.

Rowling would never allow a man to be played by a woman.

Gender roles, not on your Nellie.

No.

Julianne Kennedy Rowling, he was deliberately going under JK.

Rowling because people thought she'd be a man.

Anyway, let's not go down that.

Let's not open that jar of worms.

Oh, no.

Anyway, pierced look great.

Oh, is it my turn?

Please do.

Please share.

OK, so mine is, I don't know if you guys have been watching, but it's a new reality dating show on Netflix called The Boyfriend.

It's Japanese.

So a couple of years ago, there was a Japanese dating show called Terrorist House, where people live in a house together and then sort of start hanging out and dating.

You all look at me like you have no idea what I'm talking about.

It sounds horrible and I want to watch it.

Okay, here's the thing.

But the difference is that it's Japanese.

So what you're thinking when I'm talking reality dating show is you're thinking Love Island.

If we show that to a Japanese person, they would be outraged by the amount of filth that we allow on our televisions.

Oh, that's a bit of me.

These, same.

But, so this is a house where loads of Japanese gay and bisexual men now come and live in a house together and start hanging out to see if any of them have romantic connections.

And I think it's like one of the first with a, you know, queer cast, especially from Japan.

From Japan, that's fantastic.

And it's honestly so lovely.

It's completely up until now, we're six episodes in, completely PG rated.

Everything, they're so nice and respectful.

Like even the messiness is respectful.

They clean the house together, they water the plants, they have conversations, they cook.

And yeah, there's drama, but it's just, everybody's allowed to be like a person and everybody has common decency.

And it's such a wonderful way to almost do a dating show because there's none of that, you know, awfulness that I think we're used to.

The level of debauchery is just non-existent.

And it just, I think makes room for something that you enjoy more.

And the cast includes two men who openly identify as bisexual.

And I think especially for men, it's really rare to get men who either identify as bisexual or they're just not featured in culture as much as women are.

And so it's just like really refreshing to have them identify that way and to also talk about what that means for them.

And it's just such a breath of fresh air.

It's a lovely, wonderful show that makes you feel really good and you really root for these guys.

And I just can't recommend it enough.

It's a lovely watch.

Oh, it just sounds so much more romantic.

It is.

Oh, Charlotte, it's very heartwarming.

Oh, thank you.

They can't all be filth every week, you know?

OK, now my turn.

Exactly.

Harry, what's your BPU?

They're not too filthy.

And it's similarly to what you brought up an episode or two ago.

So I recently traveled to Hungary.

I had a little mini break to Budapest, and I wanted to just cosplay as a Hungarian strongman.

So I thought I'd adjust my facial hair slightly into more of a mustache for the occasion.

And, you know, I've done that once before.

Like, my beard has been the same for years, except when I scared a few people, when I completely shaved it off.

I don't think I will never erase a look at my friend Hannah's face.

For those listening, the mustache is absolute fire.

It looks fab.

She is thick and glossy.

Giving major BPE.

Oh, thank you so much.

That's everything I wanted to hear, because I think I want it to stay.

I came back from Hungary and was about to think, all right, come on beard, let's match the rest.

But no, my BPE is the facial hair change that I'm currently going through.

I think she's here to stay.

It's in the Bi-Panic Room locked.

Thanks.

And also everyone in Hungary is really hot and nice, but everyone there also had mustaches and I felt like I really fitted in.

Oh, lovely.

And I'm fully aware that every gay in the world seems to have a mustache right now, but I feel like I've reinvented it.

Yeah, she's gorgeous.

Thanks.

She's here to stay for the summer.

Q-tape.

All right, moving on to our final section, we are going to be discussing our wildcard of the week.

And this week it will be coming from Charlotte.

Thank you, Harry.

My pitch for introduction into The Bi-Panic Room is the 2003 Disney adaptation of Louis Sachar's iconic novel, Holes.

It's in.

I'm listening.

Thank you.

Do you know what?

No notes, no notes, nothing else.

That's all it is.

Cue outro music, title alone.

Subscribe.

Thanks.

There are few among you who don't know what it's about.

It's basically about Stanley, who is wrongfully convicted of stealing something from a charity and he is sent to this desert detention camp where juvenile inmates have to dig holes in the desert every day and no one really knows why.

And the longer he's there, he starts to realize he has ties to another boy who's at the camp, but also to the place that the camp is located.

And you've all seen this film.

It was a really important film for me growing up.

There's just so much going on.

We've got chain gang chants.

We've got the juvenile delinquent dirtbags.

We've got yellow spotted lizards whose poison kills you.

We've got orange jumpsuit.

We've got complex and ever changing group dynamics.

We've got generational trauma.

Oh, my favorite.

Love it.

Oh, bye.

And we've got like, exactly, trauma is the biased thing.

The thing there is.

And you've got this like cast of young boys.

We have a young, innocent, unproblematic Shia LaBeouf.

Before the problem.

A whole cast of adorable young boys.

I think when you were a kid, you probably divvied up who in your friend group was armpit and bath bag.

And maybe you were even like, that was like your first kid crush was maybe one of the boys if you were like of an age, you know, but it was also like innocent and just like a fun, fun group.

And then we obviously get to the more bi aspects of the film, which I think, you know, there's, there are men in this, but maybe not a lot of men that you would necessarily look at in a romantic light, except for Dulé Hill, who, oh my God, you're looking at me like, you don't know who I'm talking about.

Does he play Stanley Yelnats the first?

Oh my God, yes.

Yeah, he's, yeah.

No, he does not.

He is Sam.

He is the guy with, who sells the onions, who Patricia Arquette falls in love with.

And their entire interactions, he always just says, I can fix that.

And I think not since Wesley's As You Wish, has one sentence set so many hearts and other parts of quiver.

Like, because there's so many, like he actually, like he fixes her schoolhouse.

He can fix her broken heart.

And I'm sure he can like fix a lot of other stuff.

So, I mean, just all there.

But I think the real winner obviously are the women.

And we have, as mentioned, Patricia Arquette.

She starts out as this sweet school teacher and then violence and trauma turn her into an outlaw who kisses the men that she kills.

And you know that watching that was someone's sexual awakening for sure.

Yeah, I was like, this is it.

Exactly, like, give me that kiss of death any day.

You only watched it last week.

But I was like, yeah, but the thing is, when she was all like that, she was pretty innocent.

I was like, oh, she's grand.

Then she started killing.

And I was like, oh.

It's like, I am here for that.

And with a signature move as well.

And then you have Arthur Kitt as Madame Zaroni, cursing your whole family while smoking a pipe.

Like, curse away, Madame.

I am ready.

She is fucking fab.

At any age, you know?

But obviously the big one is Sigourney Weaver as the camp warden, high-waisted jeans, cowboy hat, being evil and looking like a stone cold fox doing it.

And I think my personal highlight, putting on nail polish that has rattlesnake venom in it.

I think it's possibly the sexiest thing that's ever happened in a kid's movie ever.

Like step on my throat with those cowboy boots warden.

I will bite your nails.

Just putting it up against John Voight's cheek.

Yeah, smashing him in the face.

Firstly, she caresses Shia's cheek with him.

Yeah, that's the moment.

And then she scratches John Voight.

There's a lot going on there.

I think it's, you'll never get rid of that memory.

No, I think he's just so harmless as well.

The thing is that she says, it's perfectly harmless when it's dry.

And it's like, at that point, nobody really is.

Nobody is.

Nobody is.

It's interesting that you say that because if you think about it, it is like set in this desert.

It's about dried up land.

It's about thirst.

And it's about having to discover like a lush oasis where a well gushes forth.

And a spring after a dry season, if you will.

So, you know, I think the imagery is there.

It's all there.

A lot of imagery.

Also, can we point out that she answers the door in like a sports bra?

Yes, she does.

I didn't clock that until watching it again recently.

And I was like, she's answered, because she's putting something on.

And I thought she had like a vest top on.

And then you see a bit of an image after that.

Yeah, she's just got.

Yeah, there's some Taylor Swift stomach showing for sure.

This is why you watch it so many times.

No, I didn't actually clock that until as an adult.

But she was enough of a vibe without seeing seeing her sternum.

I know she's got to learn a few lessons from Arnie.

Seeing her wreath with the spoons.

Yep, that scene was a scene.

A sexy part of Sigourney Weaver that you have not mentioned yet is her sweet southern drawl.

Oh, yeah.

Excuse me?

Oh, stop it.

Because you thought she was a good character for a while.

And I was like, just wait.

She is about to fuck things up.

She's about to nearly kill children for what she wants.

Again, though, she really got more attractors and more evilers.

She thought, what is wrong with me?

It's like Carrigan, though.

Just to bring us back to another Bi-Panic masterpiece, Casper, she is like, fuck it, kill the children.

I want to get to my treasure.

And we love that.

We make people know what they want.

Exactly.

And she is the boss of that place.

She is ordering around John Voight and the guy who I can't remember his name.

Yeah, they're both so rotten.

And she is just, if anything...

You mean Tim Blake Nelson?

Him, yep.

She's misunderstood, if anything.

Isn't that so?

Because we see a flashback.

She's been forced to dig holes by her grandfather, who was a bad man, a racial bad man.

Justice for Sigourney, I'd say, in this film.

Exactly.

Just like Meredith and all of the women, you know, who just go after what they want.

I mean, although Meredith didn't try to kill any children and Sigourney was like, yeah, fuck it, let the lizards eat them.

Look, if that school in Timbuktu hadn't taken them, you have no idea what she would have done with those twins.

True.

Also, did she really try and kill the kids?

Didn't she just say, well, they ran away, so...

She was like, let's bury one of them in a hole.

Exactly.

We had lots of holes to choose from.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

She did have a real evil spike.

But she's resourceful.

She's a business woman.

You don't have to dig a new hole.

The slister was weirdly attractive as well, I thought, when she came in.

She was like, where's the child?

She was like, fuck you, bitch.

Oh, the one from NipTuck.

Yeah, I love her.

She's great.

I mean, as you can say, I think I don't have to do a lot of work, but just to circle back, because obviously everything has to be a metaphor, this film is also one, because it is a story about society falsely judging and sentencing you, and you have to fight back and defend yourself and your truth.

You have to confront your past to own your present in order to become who you were meant to be.

So really, it is a metaphor for The Bi Experience, and also just to round it all off, just to reiterate for the people in the back, Sigourney Weaver in cowboy boots putting on rattlesnake nail polish.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Thank you.

Yeah.

And also just the endless double entendre that's possible with the use of the word holes.

I mean, the gift that keeps on giving.

And then how many times is holes mentioned in the movie?

And several, my favourite being zero.

You take over X-Ray's hole.

If, well, say no more.

Disney, please don't sue us.

Your work was innocent, I'm sure.

Yeah, when you mentioned holes, I was thinking this might be a tough, a tough sell.

But I weirdly, the instant you said it, I thought this was a film I watched on repeat as a child.

And I didn't watch many films on repeat.

And I, yeah, watching it back, it was like, this has so much by energy.

It's hot, literally.

Scorcher.

And figuratively.

You've got great cast.

It starts out hot and then it gets wet.

It, right at the end.

It does.

It does.

There is an oasis that's found.

Exactly.

When they're like right, like, when they're on the goth thumb.

And they're going around in the mud.

And you're like, yeah.

You've got a love story.

You've got some really sad bits.

You've got some like, this is life, deal with it, you know.

I didn't, I actually didn't think, like he was going to get shot, the man in the lake.

Yeah, it's horrible.

Sam.

Yeah, I was like, they're not going to kill him.

Of course they're going to kill him.

I was like, what?

This is a kids' movie.

You've got something that we realize in a lot of films now is very, very gay.

Peaches.

Oh my God.

Peaches.

So gay.

Peaches.

And onions.

And onions.

Many layers.

Many layers.

But the sweetest, sweetest onions.

Oh my God, I cannot wait for that one.

Wait, it's Shrek.

Okay.

Wait.

I mean, I'm mentally adding it as we speak.

Okay.

So just to round it all off, I think I'm getting the vibe that we're all on the same page, but shall we just go around any last thoughts and also whether we think this belongs in The Panic Room?

I'll ask Harry first.

I was initially quite sceptical.

I had seen this film only once in my youth, unlike Grace, and it didn't probably have the lasting impact that it had on both of you.

But on rewatch, which I did after like a bottle of wine, so I was very enthusiastic whilst watching it.

Completely agree.

The backstory probably gave me more than the main story.

Patricia Arquette as the swashbuckling, kissing outlaw.

It's just a yes from me from that alone.

But with the use of the word holes in present day in a sweet southern drawl from Scourney Weaver.

And yeah, it's an in from me.

He he he.

Similar as well, I also haven't watched holes like you guys did.

Please don't say holes in a soft voice.

Holes.

Moist.

Excuse me.

Have you watched any holes?

Holes.

Dig it up, up, oh dig it.

It is a banger.

It's great.

I may have watched that.

And did you ever watch the behind the scenes?

Cause they actually are singing on that.

I watched this film with commentary from the boys so many times.

We were watching the movie now, like 15 years later, I still know exactly what they said for every single scene.

Guys, I had a problem.

Charlotte's a holes addict.

If we don't put this in, I think she might kill us.

Sorry, Tessa, I didn't mean to cut you off with that song.

No further questions, Your Honour.

That was panic, yes.

But yeah, I think I spent the first half of the movie saying I didn't really quite get why we were watching it.

So I was like, yeah, it's grand.

I don't really quite get it.

And then the backstory came in and Pat came along.

And again, still I was like, yeah, she's grand.

And then, as I said, when she started then turning and killing, I was like, yeah, you could get revenge.

You kill them.

Yeah, they burned down your church or your school, whatever it was.

So yeah, I think I actually really liked the writing and I thought it was very clever.

Because again, I didn't really guess where it was going.

And then I had a lot of different ideas because I was like, well, maybe she's related to Kate Barlow, but she wasn't.

It was her dad who's a bad man.

So yeah, I will vote yes as well into the Panic Room.

Grace, I mean, I think I had this as a yes before you even, you know, it's always been a yes.

Holes, but no, but I feel as watching it as an actual child, I feel like I definitely remember there being like, oh, hot, sweaty boys.

I can't remember his name, but it's the guy with the hair that's like up.

Zigzag.

I remember really, really liking zigzag.

And they're kind of like dirty and messy, but it's kind of hot and you're kind of like, and then like Sigourney comes along and you're like, tell me what to do.

I'll dig a hole.

Stroke my cheek.

Is that rattlesnake venom?

Yeah.

I'm like, oh.

I do love what it does to the color.

And then you got Kissing Kate Barlow, who's an absolute badass bitch, and you're kind of like, yeah, go, go for it.

And everybody, no.

Do it, say it.

Everybody wants a taste of her peaches.

But they literally do.

All the men in town do.

I remember really loving Zero and being like, he's the cutest thing ever.

And then like her peaches save, her sweet peaches save the children's life.

And if anything, that saves us all.

The juicers.

Selvamble hair there at any point.

Okay.

Is it called Smoosh?

They're called Sploosh, which is even better, guys.

Which is again, Sploosh and Holes is enough to bring this film into The Bi-Panic Room.

But also, at the end of the day, their generational trauma is resolved by their great great great grandchildren.

And the curse is over and also their cure smelly feet.

And that's just a great...

With more Sploosh.

With more Sploosh.

And that's a great addition.

Oh, and also the guy, the football player.

He's hot.

Yeah, he's very hot.

Oh, and Thumb Mountain looks like a dick.

Okay.

Is it from my notes when I was watching it drunk?

It looks like fake massive balls around it as well.

Yeah, it does.

I mean, it's kind of in a...

It's going to look phallic.

You know, it doesn't matter what you try to make with it.

Thumb Mountain or Dick Mountain.

Not all mountains are phallic.

And ultimately, at the foot of the shaft of God's Thumb is the Peaches.

They found...

They find the Sploosh.

Yeah, they got wet and ate onions.

Okay, there's something by around that.

And for that reason, it's a yes from me.

Amazing.

So a unanimous yes.

So holes will go into the Bi-Panic Room.

Who'd have thought it?

I know.

If anything, this episode has been back to front where we've had a film that's so controversial, we weren't sure if we should include it.

Holes everywhere.

And holes in the end when we're just like, yeah, it's sailing in, sailing through, splooshing its way into the Bi-Panic Room.

The jar is just sitting there on the shelf next to Jodie Foster.

And she can fill up her massive glass of wine with a cool glass of sploosh.

Amazing.

All right, I'd just like to point out, I'm two for two guys.

So, everybody vote no to Charlotte's next one.

Whatever it is, if it is my favorite film, no.

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Right guys, I might just throw a slice of toast on quickly.

Okay.

My bi-panic.