#4 - Speed (1994)

Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock - in her second Bi-Panic Room episode - left a lasting impression on a whole generation of teens with buzzcuts and frilly socks. Of course we were always going to discuss Speed, in great detail. And also Keeanu’s arms, Sandy’s legs, and Jeff Daniels’s soft boy energy. Charlotte teaches the rest of the gang about the river of ham and Harry’s wild card pick prompts an impassioned discussion about the male members of a famous Hollywood lineage. As you do. Go, wildcats!

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Episode Transcript

[Please note that transcripts are automatically generated so may not be 100% accurate]

Welcome to The Bi-Panic Room, a bi-monthly podcast exploring the films and television series that trigger bisexual panic, aka Bi-Panic.

In this week's episode of The Bi-Panic Room, we'll be discussing the 1994 Yan Der Bont film Speed, in which a young police officer must prevent a bomb from exploding aboard a city bus by keeping its speed above 50 miles per hour.

Please join me and my co-hosts Harry, Grace and Tessa as we discuss why this film belongs in The Bi-Panic Room.

Then we each share our BPE of the week, a moment that gave us bi-panic energy, and we round it all off with Harry pitching his Wildcard Pick, a film we have to either vote into or out of The Bi-Panic Room.

Talking about the 1994 Yander Bond masterpiece Speed, which, you know, I think for most of us was like a seminal childhood film and potentially also a seminal film when it comes to discovering your identi-team, you know?

Demos.

Between Sandy and Keeanu, I feel like, you know.

Get your bus pass that they're ready.

Really serving.

Right, so let's just get straight into it, I would say.

So film opens, we've got Keeanu and Jeff Daniels as his BFF.

They both work for the LAPD, for the SWAT team.

They're like hotshots and they get called when a guy takes an elevator people hostage.

He wants $3 million to let them all go because they're obviously incredible.

They outwit him immediately.

And once they try to chase him down after, he takes Jeff Daniels hostage and Keeanu shoots him so that he becomes dead weight to the bomber, played by Dennis Hopper who swims in the river of ham.

I think it's the only way of saying it.

He is at a 12 the entire time in his performance.

It is honestly incredible.

Everyone didn't understand what that meant.

Here's what that is.

That is a quote from Kenneth Branagh, who is the master of swimming in the river of ham.

He, I think, referred to...

This sounds really sexual.

I mean, this is right podcast, though.

We are being on brand.

It sounds a bit David Cameron.

It is like hamming it up for a performance.

You've just ruined this for me.

And he said it about himself, like swimming in the river of ham by delivering.

Hamming it up.

Exactly.

Was that when he was playing Poirot or?

Or anything else in the last 35 years.

Got complex.

Exactly.

And so I think Hopper is, you know, definitely a candidate for that specific...

Swimming in the river of ham.

Yeah, baby.

I also...

That's not a yeah, baby.

Yeah.

I was like, OK, I mean, Grace, I'm surprised you're not jumping on this bandwagon with your previous liking older men.

Dennis Hopper.

I mean, it is the worst wife.

He's wearing overalls.

He's in overalls.

So...

You're comparing Dennis Hopper swimming in the river of ham to Forrest Whitaker, saving the life of mother and child and sacrificing tens of millions in the process in the panic room.

He kind of put them in danger in the first place.

So, him and Dennis Hopper are no different at this stage.

If he didn't put them in danger, we wouldn't have a fantastic film to watch.

So, you know, potatoes, potatoes.

Just to add to that as well, Charlotte, Keeanu Reeves and the chewing of the gum while in the elevator shaft.

It's the first moment of...

The lack of professionalism.

Yeah.

He's like, yo.

And also...

Surely that's a health hazard?

The arrival of Keeanu Reeves into the scene as well with the unnecessary airtime of the police car.

It doesn't need to do that.

But I think it sets the scene for recklessness with vehicles that is to come in the rest of the film.

Fun fact, according to IMDb anyway, he is improvising the chewing of gum, which I have no fucking idea what that means.

What does that mean?

Well, essentially, he's not actually chewing gum, apparently.

It's a character choice.

He's just pretending to chew gum.

Can you pretend...

Oh my god, this is going to be a very different podcast if I'm not doing that.

Some ASMR chewing gum at you.

Yeah, it's gumless mastication is what it is.

It's what he's gone for.

And just to also add then, I think the first moment we really have of attraction is obviously Keeanu Reeves saving all of these people.

With a buzz cut.

Yeah, and hero straight away comes to mind.

Now you have already mentioned the haircut, and I think the haircut is really seminal.

Because I think the thing is the studio really hated the buzz cut because it's like not iconic Keeanu hair, but they thought it was more realistic for somebody, you know, who works in the police to have a very tactical haircut.

And I think it actually, it's a massively part of the bisexual component because he looks masculine, but he also looks feminine with that haircut.

Like it's giving sort of non-binary, you know, hairstyle.

And I was like, yeah, it softens them up in a way where I'm like, yes, this is, this is exactly what we're after.

And it is a surprising Keeanu Reeves without the sweeping cut and the swoop.

Yeah.

And you just want to rub your hands in that buzz cut as he's saving all these civilians, most of whom are also quite annoying.

Very irritating characters.

You get the 90s yuppie energy of the impatience in the lift.

You think, excuse me, you're being rescued here.

Like get out of the lift.

So ungrateful.

But yeah, we get some lovely, you know, initial banter between two best friends and obviously what's more bisexual than straight man having witty banter with each other, including obviously from Jeff Daniels, who has this like, I think very gorgeous velvety voice.

And he has like a soft girl energy to me, where I'm like, this is really a nice counterbalance for Keeanu.

Very nurturing.

I know.

It's just gorgeous.

So he shoots Jeff Daniels basically so that he becomes dead weight and Dennis Hopper will get rid of him and not keep him as a hostage, which he does.

And then Dennis Hopper flees and ostensibly sets off his bomb and blows himself up.

Flees with an iconic villain laugh.

Like I said, River of Ham.

The ham was flowing through that.

Gushing everywhere.

Are you flowing, Grace?

River of Ham.

No, I'm not going to get over this River of Ham.

Swimming in a river of ham.

Yeah.

I mean, that is also quite, again, fitting for the wrong reasons because the idea of him being blown up, they would be swimming in a river of ham, wouldn't they, possibly, after that.

What a lovely image.

Yeah.

You're welcome.

I'm off pork.

So this person has died.

They saved all the people from the elevator.

Obviously, they're hot shit now, so they both get commendations.

Which is televised?

Yeah.

On national television.

It's not just that, as it turns out, the bomber, Dennis Hopper, hasn't died.

He actually has managed to get away, and then he sat there watching this police ceremony on his television, which is one thing, because he could have hacked into a feed.

But then Keeanu, later on, goes into his coffee shop, and a person he knows randomly says, I saw you on TV.

And you're like, what do you mean that police commendations are nationally televised?

The biggest plot hole.

The biggest plot hole in what is otherwise a perfect 10 out of 10 movie.

So they both get the commendations.

They get drunk, you know, in true straight man fashion form.

They're too chicken shit to really tell each other that they love each other.

But, you know, the ribbing is sort of the stand in for that.

And then, you know, Keanu's enjoying life like, you know, big swinging metaphorically, like he's on top of the world.

And then he goes into his coffee shop, gets his coffee.

Just to add before the coffee shop, him pulling up in that, was it a Ford, that van, very Bi-Panic energy.

Is it like a Bronco?

Is it a Bronco?

Yeah.

Has he got his jeep?

It is.

His absolute lesbian jeep.

It's a Bronco lesbian jeep.

He rocks up in.

It goes with the haircut.

And the outfit.

Since he's pulled, yeah, that double denim white shirt.

Denim.

It's like what the Gen Z are trying to pull off now, but can't do it what he can do.

I also feel like the alcohol coming out of him a bit.

You're like, he is absolutely hanging.

And he's just like, I need a coffee.

Like, I don't need to be talking about my famous show last night.

Obviously watched by millions, the country wide over.

And he goes into his coffee shop and he forgets his muffin.

He's so hung over.

The poor angel.

Angel muffin.

Angel muffin.

No worries.

And while he's in there going back for his muffin, the local bus driver, who also randomly just knows Keeanu, as you do, drives the bus away and then all of a sudden it explodes and everybody runs for cover, except of course for Keeanu, who like runs and tries to help.

I mean, the man can run, that is for sure.

In that scene, literal, metaphorical is astonishing.

And one thing that was pointed out by the director in terms of using real like in-camera effects, he always wants to put the actor into an explosion where he can.

And he said, the scene where Keeanu Reeves is like in front of the burning bus, but you can see the reflection of the heat of the flames in the telephone.

What's it?

I just thought, yeah.

Yeah.

They don't do it like that anymore.

He's really like gone to effort to get that by panic energy in there.

Oh, there's nothing more.

It was right.

By than the heat of flames.

Yeah.

Heat of flames, like hero trying to save someone, but knows he can't.

He's obsessed.

Wearing double denim.

I can't express myself, so I'm like, oh.

Because I'm on the hand.

Yeah.

And then he's like, what could I do next?

I'm going to answer this phone that's ringing.

Yeah, because randomly, like a phone in the telephone box starts ringing.

He picks it up.

Never answer it for future reference.

But what would the film be like if you just hadn't picked up the bus?

Nightmare and just went home.

Exactly.

What's a quick fact about the bus?

Not only has our hero forgotten his muffin, he just sees a bus that's blown up that says save the clams.

A double, double entendre for everybody.

Swimming in a river of clams with his muffin in hand.

I mean, guys, clams, hams, bisexual energy all around.

It's text, obviously.

We've barely met the other lead yet.

It's amazing.

Already, Yander Bont knew what he was doing.

We're about seven minutes into the podcast.

Yeah, but we're staying on topic.

We're ten minutes into the podcast.

We can do it.

So he does pick up the phone.

Big mistake.

And it is Hopper on the other end, who basically says like, you know, hi, bitch, I'm not dead.

And I have put another bomb on a different bus somewhere in LA.

Keep it about 50.

Exactly.

So rules for this bomb.

The rules are once like the bus goes over 50, the bomb is armed and then should it drop back below 50, that's when it will detonate.

I can barely set up a DVD player, let alone this.

Especially on a bus.

I just feel like the speedometer is not going to be accurate.

What are you talking about?

It's analogue.

Even access to a bus.

When are the buses ever stop in LA.?

I know LA traffic.

In reality, they would die within seconds.

Although the bus would never have got to 50.

This is very true.

Also, just to point out, why is everyone hashtag local in LA right now?

Like they all know each other in the shop.

I know the small village of Los Angeles.

And then we're going to get to Sandy B.

Knowing everyone as well.

What is going on here?

Yeah.

Tessa's already mentioned, and this is where we're going next.

So we're now outside this bus in LA and who do we see running up to try and catch the bus?

She's beauty and she's grace.

She's Miss United States.

Sandy B.

In her skirt, boots and frilly socks, an outfit that would kind of be appropriate for now.

I feel like this is what the kids are wearing now.

Literally kids though, not necessarily adults.

True, but she has the most incredible legs.

The legs, the choppy bob.

I was like, do I need to get this haircut?

And also she has the kind of legs that gave me like insecurities for years.

Cause I was like, I know that genetically I can't achieve this, but I know that I want to.

And she used them as well.

She ran for that bus.

She did indeed.

Everyone wants to get on the bus.

You know the driver by name.

Very LA thing.

Very LA.

Yes, it's the community spirit of LA.

So Sandy racist to try and get that bus because she just has her license revoked.

So she now is dependent on public transport.

She catches the bus because, you know, obviously she knows the bus driver.

She gets on.

She's like the epitome of like a chaotic LA by girl, I would say.

She's given that energy.

She's all for people.

And so there's a bunch of other people on the bus.

Some of them she knows, some of them she doesn't, including Conor Roy before he tries to become president.

You know, this is this is more he's giving more Midwestern hicks sightseeing in LA.

And then back to Keeanu, you know, being the lesbian hero that he is, a manager to like jump on the bus and explain that that whole scene with the car, the door coming off, like his carefree attitude to like, I just need to get on this bus.

Are you insured?

Yeah, because it's worth pointing out that he doesn't just jump on the bus.

He uses his lesbian bronco to drive and weave through the traffic to jump into another car before finding his way eventually onto the bus.

But he, he, there's a lot of effort.

He goes to a lot more effort than Sandy B did.

And the bus driver is dedicated to get to his next stop.

And to get above 50, to get out of my way.

Could have easily stopped right there.

I'd be like, hey, someone in a convertible is asking me to stop.

Done.

And they also like to have to navigate through some horrible accident on the freeway as well.

Anyway, we digress into plot holes.

I will not want to open any further.

No, don't look too closely.

And then, so Keeanu is now on the bus.

And before he can even really explain to everybody on board what's going on, we already like have the first situation that he has to defuse and does a terrible job at.

Like, thank God he's not a hostage negotiator because one of the passengers thinks he's there for him, pulls a gun because he thinks that Keeanu is trying to arrest him.

Chaos breaks out.

The driver is shot by accident, you know.

The citizen's arrest goes awry.

I mean, yeah, truly.

And like, I feel like nobody really mentions that in the end.

We're like, we just pretend that, you know, nobody made grave mistakes by getting involved.

And so the driver is shot so he can no longer drive the bus.

So just like Jesus, Sandy takes the wheel.

And she and Keeanu instantly have banter.

So he's now explained the situation to the people, like there's a bus on board.

You can't get off because...

There's a bus on board the bus.

Did I say bus?

There's a bus on board everybody.

The bus within a bus.

Bus, bus, bus.

There's a bomb on the bus.

And they can't get any of the hostages.

Just to mention another moment between Keeanu and Sandy that is very hot is he's like, Oh, why are you taking the bus?

And she's like, Oh, I got my license revoked for speeding.

And it's like this...

Oh, the quip...

.

chuckle.

And it's like, you can tell Keeanu Reeves, you know, his character doesn't make too many jokes too often.

He's so serious.

And he's like, Oh, great.

And it keeps calling her ma'am.

Yeah, ma'am.

Oh, yeah.

We're in good company.

Yeah, big queer girl spirit.

Just not having a license is great.

It's also so bizarre because they have like all this like banter, you know, even though they're seconds away from death, they still have time to flare.

And the chemistry is fucking electric.

Like it's not Evian Rick level, but it is palpable.

And so, while Sandy is driving, trying to keep above 50 in nightmare LA traffic, Keeanu has to figure out how to get to the bomb and how to disarm it.

And so, back at headquarters, Jeff Daniels is providing, you know, technical support and comic relief via telephone.

And Keeanu manages to locate the bomb underneath the bus and he ropes the passengers in to try and help him.

And he sees that this bomb has got a timer and that is a gold watch, which already sort of catches us in the stream.

A cheap gold watch, that's correct.

And that catches his attention, but it especially catches Jeff Daniels' attention, who thinks that that's like a really weird and, you know, like shitty detonator to use in a bomb.

And he really quickly starts to suspect that the bomber might be a former cop.

Meanwhile, this bus is driving through downtown LA, a nightmare of the best of times.

And honestly, Sandy has, without a doubt, the most stressful job out of all of them.

Like, I don't give a shit about the bomb, like trying to drive this bus, like above 50 in this traffic.

And who knows how to drive a fucking bus?

The size of that wheel.

She's not even insured.

An excellent, an excellent point.

The city will like sue her.

If I was a passenger on that bus, I'd be like, excuse me, I'd like to see some paperwork.

I mean, what a terrible job, especially in that iconic scene where a woman pushes a stroller into the street and the bus crashes into it and for a second, for an awful, awful second, she thinks that she has just killed a baby.

And we then actually see that the stroller was full of empty cans.

But there is that moment and you're like, you feel like that moment of horrific guilt that she feels.

It is pearl clutching.

Harrowing.

And then the relief of seeing these cans splattered across the road, think, oh, it's fine.

The next corner, she nearly plows into a group of schoolchildren.

This director just really wanted to do that.

Sandy cannot catch a break.

The threat of infanticide is just looming over poor Sandy B.

And it's really stressful for her.

Again, toughest job on that bus.

And after almost killing all of these children, she then has to do like a 90 degree turn, like over 50 miles an hour.

And it's like this, the imagery that was like Keeanu and Sandy both have to like hold on to the steering wheel, which is sort of squeezed between her thighs.

It's like massively sexual.

With legwork.

And his arms, full body work.

Wrapping all around her.

He's gripping.

The screaming and the intensity.

Not only have they got to perform the hardest right turn ever known to infrastructure.

So hard.

Keeanu just becomes a last minute physicist, gets all the passengers to turn over.

So he's not only is he buff, he's got something upstairs as well.

Got some brains.

Is it Sandy B who did it?

No, no, no, she said that they were going to flip over and then he was like, yes, you are right.

And then he made the suggestion of everyone get on the bus.

I mean, it was teamwork, teamwork.

We had this discussion.

You're like, no, they're going to topple.

I was like, no, Keeanu Reeves is right.

Yeah, I got really confused about which way, which side they should be on.

We were very stressed.

Essentially, if I was driving that bus, everyone would be dead.

Oh, instantly.

No offense to your driving.

I mean, yeah, that would have happened before the right turn.

Let's be honest.

I probably would have just tried to jump off.

Bye guys.

Oh, what happened to the lady who did try and jump off?

Kaboom.

Oh, bye bye.

That hasn't happened yet, yeah, but.

Spoilers.

Sorry, guys.

We are 19 minutes in, guys.

Just checking.

That is literally what happens next, because Keeanu gets Dennis Hopper to agree that they can unload the injured driver.

And while they're doing that, first of all, while they're doing that, Hopper refers to Sandy as a wildcat.

And we just move on, like that's the normal thing to say, like Keeanu doesn't even clock it.

You know, that's just what you call a completely random stranger.

And as they move the driver off the bus, there's another passenger, an older woman who kind of freaks out, you know, possibly this was probably possibly who we will identify with the most just in terms of we would want to get the fuck off that bus, regardless of what happens.

Depends.

Keeanu Reeves is on the bus.

And Sandra Bullock is on the bus.

Yeah.

That's a good point.

God, I'd rather save both of those.

But the energy from this very nervous character has been even before they knew they're part of some terrorist attack.

100%.

She hates being on the bus.

She's got the traffic so bad.

Like, didn't Sandra Bullock move away from her?

No, no, no.

She moved away from Conor Roy.

She moved to this woman and the woman is like, I love driving the bus because the freeway made me like such a nervous driver.

And then she's like, I miss my car.

Exactly.

I'm going to die.

Now, fun fact, another improvised chewing gum scene because Sandra Bullock actually improvised that chewing gum scene to get away from Alan Rook.

And they included it in the film.

And a return to normal programming.

Thank you, Trivia.

I mean, Sandy, you know, improviser.

Nothing she cannot do.

Extraordinaire.

Exactly.

Nothing she can't do.

So this woman then tries to get off the bus and Dennis Hopper is obviously monitoring the whole thing and he sees this and so he sets up another detonator.

So sadly, she is killed and her body goes under the bus and it's actually shockingly graphic.

Like I've forgotten about that.

Fun fact, that's the real actress and they killed her.

Her family were well compensated for the film.

Sacrificial porn in the action movie genre.

Doing it all for speed.

Some say she was swimming in a river of ham, giving that performance, but there was a little, she dipped her toe in it for sure.

She definitely did.

Sandy's first victim.

Right.

I mean, we would never mention this again, but she must need like years of therapy to try and get over that.

She killed a woman.

An irritating woman, but a woman.

Or even if she didn't kill her, but she drove over her.

I mean, if anything, she might be a little bit happy about it.

I mean, she was a weak link.

In some ways, they needed to test whether this whole bomb thing was real, and ultimately that woman paid the price and they were like, oh, fuck, this bomb, this bus is on the bomb.

The bomb is on the bus.

I mean, guys, it's tough.

It's tough to keep those two words apart.

Bus and bomb, bomb us.

Mr.

Bombastic, sorry, sorry, Charlotte.

Do you want to give us a little...

I feel a song coming on.

Song interlude?

No.

I thought we were this close to a little shaggy rendition.

Yes, with everything that that entails, please.

Okay, so this woman has died.

Afterwards, you know, we have a very dramatic interlude where they have to jump over a gap in the highway.

Yes.

Oh, we just mentioned the moment between Sandy Bee and Keeanu Reeves yet again, where they were comforting each other over the fact that she died.

You know, she is very upset.

And well, she's not that upset, but she's like, hug me, Keeanu Reeves.

He's all like, oh, we need to...

You didn't actually say it, but you can just tell by their body language.

You really remembered every interaction.

Oh, I have like, I've seen this film a million times.

And the way she just de-robes, and like herself has time for flirtation.

That shoulder and collarbone coming out.

I just killed them all.

The arms on both of them.

Oh my God.

Sandy's arms.

I have a note of this later on, but I think you see them best once they're like later on, when she's in the subway.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fucking incredible.

She's like on a pole.

Yeah, there are multiple forms of transport in this film.

It does not stop at the bus.

So, they've jumped over this massive gap in the highway and then...

Which does defy the laws of physics.

I don't know, actually.

It just propels into the air.

And I don't want to know.

Well, for some reason...

Go on, Grace.

According to IMDB...

According to IMDB, they actually basically rigged a different bus where it was basically a bus with a different engine, and it could go up to 61 miles an hour.

They put NARF on it.

And they had the driver's seat in the middle of the bus so that the spine wouldn't be compressed.

And they had an actual ramp and a bridge, and they did actually shoot the bus into the air.

I don't know if it...

I didn't actually clock.

I think they actually...

What they did...

So it was a ramp.

In that, what is shown is the gap in the film.

There's a ramp there.

So the actual kind of bus flying in the air is a real in-camera effect.

They just removed the ramp.

And the landing.

And the landing is...

Definitely filmed separately.

Yeah, definitely filmed separately.

Well, apparently, that's because the camera was too low and they actually missed the landing of the bus.

I hope someone got fired.

But there was actual bus flying going on in that film.

Yeah.

You still don't get that anymore.

You don't.

No, it's all CGI.

I still don't think that is physically possible.

I don't know.

The Spice Girls could do it.

That is correct.

That's what we said.

I can't wait until we do that one.

Is there anyone, many male Spice Girls?

Richard E.

Grant.

Yeah, Richard E.

Grant.

Yeah.

Okay, this could be a controversial pick where we argue over this.

There's nothing controversial about this.

I mean.

In stretch.

Then, now, always.

Just as a little, this can be cut insight into my bi-panic youth.

I had a picture of Sporty Spice on the left of my bed, and I had a picture of Michael Owen on the right of my bed, and I kissed them both if I went to sleep.

That is absolutely staying in the podcast.

And why isn't that not on the wedding invitations?

Yeah, I used to kiss both pictures when I went to bed.

Oh, is that how your right and left brain worked?

One for Michael.

What side was on the left?

I think if I was facing it, Michael Owen, a big picture of Michael Owen, was on the right and a picture of LC was on the left.

Oh my god, am I Michael Owen?

Yeah, what side of the bed are you, Tessa?

I'm on the right.

No, you're not.

I'm on that side.

I know I'm always on the right hand side of the bed.

No, facing it.

If the bed's coming out that way, on the right is Michael Owen, and I sleep on that side of the bed.

That's Michael Owen is above you.

Oh, interesting.

So you're Sporty Spice.

I mean, she's good.

Yeah.

I always wanted to be Sporty Spice.

I don't think it was like a definition of who was in the bed, but anyway, it's like you went down.

OK, we've gone too far into life.

Anyway, I've learned a lot about Grace.

I did not know about that.

No.

I look back at it.

I think that made a lot of sense.

Anyway, back to speed.

After after that iconic jump, they are routed to the airport where they can just like go in massive circles.

And while Keeanu is setting that up, Jeff Daniels has figured out the identity of the bomber.

And he takes his team to the bomber's house, which is also bizarre because Jeff Daniel was shot in the thigh by Keeanu.

And now he's the leader of a tactical swat team.

Front line.

Front line.

Leg first into the house.

But it just feels like, but is that the reason why he doesn't come with them?

Like when they discover, but that's when he's like, oh, I'm going to stay because I'm injured.

But then I go out later.

Which by the way, is a nice fucking house.

And I was, it's like Hopper complains that, you know, he basically used to be Atlanta PD from the bomb squad and he got injured and has lost a thumb.

And he basically thinks that he's not, he hasn't been paid enough money, but his house is really fucking nice.

He's in Sun Valley.

Exactly.

That man is like not scrounging for pennies.

It's not like, it's not the real estate of previous films we've discussed, but it is still up there.

I mean, it's very spacious.

He's gorgeous.

I mean, the reasoning behind him becoming a terrorist, it's like quite a simple one.

He just wants the money.

He wants a pension.

That is correct.

That is it.

There's like no, nothing deeper to it.

No, no ideology, just greed, which, you know, who amongst us?

And it's not really a film we can really bring real estate into.

The real estate is the bus.

It is.

That's really deep, Tessa.

It was the bus all along.

It was the bus.

So Jeff Daniels...

I want to see the full plan of the plan.

Well, he goes underneath it and everything.

Oh, well, oh, there's one bit that I fear we may have missed is Keanu's man on man action with his flirtatious nicknaming of one of the passengers.

Gigantor.

Gigantor.

Hello.

So how do you pluck that out of nowhere in a time of stress to call a stranger Gigantor?

But it worked because we just bought it.

It was like that's his name, surely.

And wrapped around his little finger afterwards.

Oh yeah.

Some, some man hugging, you know, very intense.

So Jeff Daniels breaks into this house and obviously thinks he's figured it all out.

And there's this horrific moment really, that's like so excruciatingly long.

Like I love that they really stretched it out where he realizes that the house is booby trapped and that he's been caught and then the house blows up and the entire team, including Jeff Daniels are killed.

RIP.

RIP indeed.

But you must think, oh god, I should have known this after speaking about how this terrorist uses booby traps and decoys and they just go for the first sniff.

It's because the love of his life is trapped on a bus with a bomb.

Oh my god.

You know, and he just like rational thought went out of the window.

You know, he just loved Keeanu like all of us.

Maybe it was adrenaline that got him through the house, you know, he grabbed his broken leg.

Apparently, he did.

He was walking with a stick for the ceremony, clearly for sympathy.

He's obviously fine.

So the horrific thing that follows then is that Keeanu is back on the bus and he gets a phone call from Hopper who basically tells him like, your best friend has died and Keeanu has like a complete meltdown and Sandy sort of has to like reel him back in.

Really steps up.

Yeah, this is where the negotiator comes in.

What Keeanu cannot do, she steps up.

Exactly.

Especially in front of everybody on board where you're like, you are the rock for all of these people.

You cannot have a breakdown right now, but he needs that one second and he needs her warmth to really get him back in.

That's one thing I will say throughout the whole movie, which I thought was, again, adding to the energy was his inability to express his emotions and how he was very much talking a deep voice every two minutes.

And then when that happened, he did kind of react, but it wasn't like, oh, I've lost my best friend.

I'm devastated.

It was like anger.

I'm angry.

Straight to anger.

Didn't he hit it twice?

And then he was like, okay.

Yes, very manly.

It was kind of, again, an underreaction, I thought of finding out his best friend died and he's on this bus that also is by the same guy who's killed him.

We can't afford it, right?

You can't afford it.

I think it just adds to the whole, his whole vibe really of just being, you want to open him up, find out what's going on.

Well, open up would be his reaction to when he's on the phone to our Dennis Hopper.

I'm going to rip your fucking spine out.

And he says it in such a way, I'd let him.

100 percent.

It's very intense.

Especially with my back at the minute.

So Keanu's like, has a smeltdown.

Keeanu has a smeltdown.

And then he realizes, because Hopper called Sandy a wildcard again, and then he realizes that it's because Hopper's got a camera on board of the bus and he can see her university sweatshirt, which belongs to the University of Arizona.

And their football team are called the Wildcats.

So he realizes that everything they've been doing, like Hopper's been one step ahead of him because he can see everything.

He can't hear them, but he can see them.

So let's interject as well, sorry.

The quality of their camera, how was that meant to make out the emblem of the university?

It is so tiny.

Webcams today still aren't that good.

Like a Zoom meeting is more blurry than fucking...

The embroidery that said Wildcard was minuscule.

And she was flailing around with her arms the whole time.

And she whipped it off after she launched the bus.

Hard launched the bus.

So once they've realized this, with the help of some TV stations, they managed to tap into his video frequency.

And then so flawlessly and so fast, they record footage from the bus and then they loop it and feed it back to him so that Dennis Hopper thinks he's watching a live tape.

Meanwhile, the police are actually getting all of the hostages of the bus while it's still going, but they don't manage to get Sandy and Keeanu of the bus.

And they have to find a different way to sort of disembarking before the whole thing like blows to shit.

That way has to be on top of each other.

The only way, but the way the hostages are removed, it's by my least favorite thing about airports, which I think you might know, Tessa, getting on a bus on the runway.

I absolutely hate going from plane to bus to terminal.

It makes me so angry.

It's not giving BP.

I would refuse to be saved.

Not funny, guys.

If I don't get on buses at the airport.

If you get to lie down on Keeanu Reeves instead.

I was just going to say, just straddle Keeanu on a tiny maintenance hatch.

Sandy B gets the best alternative, which is now the only way I leave transport.

You might go under the wheel, but you might also straddle Keeanu Reeves.

It's a risk you're willing to take.

Also, the other thing about the airport is, how long it takes to evacuate all those passengers.

It's like, go, move a bit quicker.

It's like you're walking in airport security.

Can we move this along a bit?

Conoroy showing he is the second most infuriating passenger after our poor departed Helen.

Yeah, RIP.

Who pauses after, oh God.

And then obviously the whole thing gets ruined because of him.

But then we wouldn't have had Sandy be in.

It's so odd.

And that's really what matters because they have to like Rube Goldberg their way off the bus on this like tiny maintenance hatch and she's straddling him, sparks fly, literally.

And then, you know, they just managed to get off and we want them to hook up right there in an airport surrounded by pylons.

I thought that was the end of the movie.

I was like, oh great.

I think we, I did until we rewatched it recently.

I think that's the thing you think is over now.

Like we've been going, like adrenaline's been so high.

Surely this is the end.

But then Hopper does realize that he's been watching a video on loop and is so enraged and he realizes something has to be done.

Also to comment on, you know, how they were so worried about what the bus could potentially crash into.

Like I had no absolute f's about this bus plowing into a humongous plane and just exploding.

And like, there could have been anyone on that plane.

There could have been like 400 passengers on that plane.

It's basically a mushroom cloud at LAX.

And they go, Oh, thank God we saved the day.

What was on that freight plane?

Yeah.

There was at least a pilot in that plane.

Don't we see the pilot, though, like jumping on to that person that's driving away with the...

I think there's a scene of it looks like he's gotten off.

How fast could he get on there realistically?

Do they have front doors planes?

I don't know.

Can we go through the window?

They could have been in a nuclear bomb and they're just like, oh well, we're safe in the grass over here.

We've saved the day.

It could have been pet transport.

So Hopper's realised that he's been duped and he is shaking his fists at the heavens.

Meanwhile, Sandy and Keeanu go back to LA and just hanging out in the same vicinity, which I think makes absolutely no sense.

And for some reason in different locations.

This is the biggest plot hole of the film.

She is not being looked after at all.

She's just in the street.

She's not being trauma council.

She's just pottering around sightseeing by the sounds of it.

She's like, she's waiting to catch another bus.

Lovely first date.

She's not even called in sick yet.

Yeah, it's like 10am.

They've been on the bus for an hour.

So Keanu's sort of like taken it upon himself.

Like they've dropped off the ransom in this trash can that Hopper talked about.

And Keeanu goes to basically figure out what's happened and he realises the ransom money is gone.

And then it turns out that it's because there's a hole underneath the trash can and the money's just fallen through where you're like, the police didn't think to like...

LA's greatest minds.

Exactly.

So now he's got a real problem because the money's gone.

And then all of a sudden Sandy has vanished.

And then he thinks he sees Hopper in the crowd and he races after him.

And then when he thinks he's finally got him cornered, it turns out that actually it's Sandy and she has all the C4 strapped to her.

And Hopper has now taken her as a hostage once again.

Can't get a break.

It really can't, can it?

She's having the worst morning.

Just a thought.

We can cut this again.

What are you going to reveal to us now?

I was just thinking.

He must have taken quite...

this man, the man with the bombs.

Is one handed, right?

Or he's just missing one thumb.

He's one thumbless on one hand.

And he's retired, he's aging.

How the fuck has he managed to dig a hole underneath a trash can?

And also in reality, when they go down underneath the trash can, would it not be litter everywhere?

Because he must have done that weeks ago.

The bin was just emptied.

Yeah, but if the bin was just emptied, how the fuck...

How?

How was the bin emptied?

Because there's a hole at the bottom.

People are all day putting rubbish in.

Yeah, putting rubbish in.

Well, there's a bin bag.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

So you don't use bin bags?

Use bin bags, but the bin bag went in with the money in, didn't it?

And went straight to the hole.

I definitely spent half an hour discussing this.

This is just a genuine thing I want to think about.

I'll know to cut this at this point when I start discussing bin bags.

But in reality, because they've put the bin bag of money in and it's gone straight to the hole.

So in theory, the bin bags have gone in with rubbish in and that should have all just gone straight to the hole.

There was no brand of bags here, huh?

So there should have been rubbish everywhere.

Good discovery.

He would have had to go through with one thumb all of that stuff.

To be fair, I think it's probably all right because I think the bag with the money would be literally on top because it's the last thing that would have been chucked in.

I know, but you know, it depends how much rubbish is accumulated.

It's LA.

I'm guessing the hole in the floor was premeditated because it was a very specific bin.

That's what I mean.

It's premeditated.

How long has it been there for?

This man has not just gone and cut that in the middle of the street.

He's had to plan this.

Anyway, that's my literal plot hole.

These are the important questions.

You'll get your headphones off.

I'm done now.

I've decided that I can't actually discuss this film anymore.

I'm sick of it.

We're almost at the end, but this is where we draw the line.

This is where I draw the line.

Nothing bisexual about our villain, we must say.

Oh, God.

No.

Nothing.

No offense to Dennis Hopper.

No.

Yes, offense to Dennis Hopper.

Agonizingly hetero in this.

I also think that that man was not a nice person, so I think we can work on that.

Oh, great.

Okay, we can do that.

He looks like the sort of person who would blow you up, you know?

Yeah.

You know, you see those people.

I'm now looking at the bin out the window and I'm like, I mean, he's taken Sandy hostage.

That's unforgivable.

You know, so he now has a hostage and now Jeff Daniels.

Exactly.

Now we've moved on to another form of transportation and that is a subway train and I didn't think it actually existed in LA.

I remember watching this years ago thinking this was not a thing that happened.

And then I met Grace and she was like, I love the subway in LA.

And I was like, okay, this is not a real thing.

Why does everyone drive in LA then?

Because everyone uses it, it's great.

It was empty, to be fair.

There were like three people on the subway.

Empty.

Thanks for that.

Just like the fucking bin.

I think the cameraman in these last final action scenes has really been doing God's work because he's the focus on Keanu's forearms as he's prizing open these subway doors to get to Sandy B.

On Sandy's bicep because there's a hopper that puts her on the subway and he cuffs her to one of the poles.

Her arms are just above her head and that girl's bicep, that woman has been here in the gym.

Fab.

She looks incredible.

No wonder she could drive the bus.

Yeah.

That big right turn.

Dem arms.

Thankfully.

Dem arms indeed.

He's cuffs Sandy to a pole and the train starts going.

Because Hopper is completely deranged once he realizes that Keeanu is obviously on top of the train trying to find a way in.

He just like shoots everywhere, kills the driver and completely messes up the control module.

So there's no way for him to like stop the train or really do anything.

It just keeps going.

Yeah.

There's a running theme in this.

The thing's just running out of control.

Out of control and a constant construction.

A running theme of speed.

Oh, and meanwhile, after all that bin talk, the money just gets completely destroyed after he starts thumbing through it with one thumb.

Yeah, because he doesn't have a thumb to spare.

He sets off the die pack and so he realizes like now he's got nothing left to lose because he can't, the money's like useless to him now.

And now all Hopper wants is revenge on Keeanu.

So this old man climbs to the top of the subway.

And getting out.

How does he get out on the train?

That's what I want to know.

There's no hatch.

Incredible upper body strength for a geriatric.

Really strong thumb.

So they roll around on the top of this moving train.

Classic action movie train.

Absolutely dead within a second.

Have a fun little cuddle up there.

And then Hopper, as you do, gets decapitated by the red light.

Again, shockingly graphic.

Very graphic.

I love the leading to that, Charlotte.

Just like no explanation.

They're cuddling and then he gets decapitated.

But that's literally what I mean it is.

By the red light.

Yeah, just the forearms are just being pushing our villain into this red light.

Yeah, all you see is arms, white t-shirt, muscle and headgun.

I mean, what way to go?

The last thing you see is those arms pushing you towards the ceiling.

If anything will bring about your death, let it be Keanu's arms.

And an ironic twist, when he gets decapitated, Keeanu loses one of his thumbs.

The circle of light.

And then he goes on to become a villain because he loses his police pretension and so on.

And that's the speed too.

I wish it was.

It's not really.

Any trivia, Grace?

About the subway scene?

Yeah.

No, I didn't scroll that far.

It honours, to be fair, the IMDB trivia section for this movie is fucking massive.

Oh, I do have subway trivia.

I have subway trivia.

I have subway trivia.

Get ready to get bored.

So, fun fact, they were basically told the script was going to be too boring because it was set on a bus when it was pitched to Paramount.

So they wrote in the subway scene and pitched it to 20th Century Fox, who were like, yeah, go for it.

Great.

Two forms of transport.

Put LA on the map.

They ran out of money.

Yeah.

So they finished the film up into the point where they have the little skit.

And then it was just storyboards.

When they showed it to the audience and then the audience were like, whoa, this film is great.

So they then had the money to go and film the rest of it.

There's your subway trivia.

I have no idea how films are financed.

Storyboards, guys.

Nobody does.

That's the problem.

So, okay, to get back to it.

So now Hopper is dead and we think like, great Keeanu saved the day.

He climbs back into the train.

He caught the detonator for the C4 that is still wrapped around Sandy.

So he gets that offer, all good, but they realize they can't stop the train, but he also can't help Sandy to get out because she's still handcuffed to the pole and he doesn't have a key.

And they try so hard.

As much as they have the arm muscles between them, they just can't.

I just can't do it.

These LA trains are built.

They are built differently.

And this is, I think, really where Keeanu truly shines.

He doesn't leave her, even when she tells him to.

I think it's shockingly emotional and moving that moment.

He speeds the train up so that it will jump the tracks.

And then he just hugs her close.

And they both just waiting for the impact and they don't know what's going to happen, but they hold on to each other.

And they didn't know each other before this, but that moment is genuinely very moving.

It's really tender.

And their embrace is like for their lives.

And yeah, they've known each other for like an hour and a half.

That's all they need.

That's true.

Lesbians.

That's the speed of lesbians.

And the next form of transport is a U-Haul truck.

Moving in.

The organic progression of any relationship.

So the subway tears right out to the surface of downtown LA.

They both survive without a scratch on them, adrenaline gushing.

They're immediately horny.

That's not the only thing that's actually happening.

Well, yeah, because they basically start grinding it out right there in the middle of traffic, just like we want them to.

They recreate the quote that Grace so beautifully said for us earlier, that relationships based on intense situations do not last.

Well, we better try it with sex then.

And sex ensues.

They kiss immediately.

And go for it.

She is DTF.

She is already handcuffed.

They are alfresco.

There are voyeurs aplenty.

She is DTF.

And so are we.

100%.

And that's what you missed on Glee.

Now, let's talk about a bit like why, I mean, I think we've kind of covered a lot of it already, but like what makes this a bi film?

And I think Sandy obviously is just like a woman who has, I think, massive bi energy.

But I think it's really Keeanu who sells it because he plays a straight guy.

He's like a SWAT cop.

He's an action hero, but his vibe and his look, like they feel so fluid.

And it's almost like crushing on a man and a woman in the same body.

And Yander Bont, who's the director, actually said something that I think is, you know, too black and white, but it's also quite interesting where he says Keanu's perfect because he is not bulky enough to be threatening to men, but at the same time also be attractive to women.

You know, I think he does have this incredible quality of, yeah, almost switching back and forth.

Yeah, his, the balance of his clean shaven face and looking all quite innocent and youthful, but still able to be the hero, save the day, rippling muscles galore.

But then he's wearing like this pink plaid over shirt to grab his coffee and muffin.

There's just this wonderful dichotomy of...

It's Keanu's bi world and we're just living in it.

I think the other thing that's obviously quite bi about this is that this is a movie about a bus full of strangers being forced to overcome obstacles and imminent death together and there is nothing more bi than trauma bonding.

Again, get the therapist out.

I hope they have a group chat after this.

Oh, 100 percent.

Oh, there's not really much scope for couples.

On the bus?

On the bus, no.

They're like the most uncombatable group of people ever.

Well, I don't know what Keeanu and Giganto get up to in their spare time.

I was going to say Giganto and Rock maybe.

Hello, Chris.

Show them that LA lifestyle.

I've already seen the airport.

He's going to see some other things.

I think what's also interesting, also a bit of trivia for you, is that the person who did uncredited rewrites on this was Joss Whedon.

Most of the dialogue on this is Whedon dialogue, and I think especially once you know that you can completely see it.

It's camped up, yeah.

It's camped up, but it's also what really I think makes the pacing great and what really makes this pop.

And there's a lot of things that can be said about this man, but I think a lot of the films that he's written have by energy, and I would reckon he probably has brought something to this film that really adds something to that energy.

That instant bonding, I think a lot of that is a dialogue.

The dialogue is really important for the bonding of the characters in the film.

And it's instant.

It's actually, yeah.

Yeah, as you said, the next mode of transport for them is the U-Haul.

The speed of their relationship is speed.

It's going fast.

I think we've touched on this as well, the clothing, the costumes, the character, the design of the characters, the heat, the colours of the film themselves.

Massive bi-energy, I think.

It's the 90s feel that just is like every bisexual person I see now.

Yes.

It's the inspiration for that.

A little dirty, a little manky, a little lived in, you know, in the best way.

Yeah.

Everything is possible.

It's a bit chaotic.

Very much so.

A bit fun.

And then, Keeanu Reeves is super serious.

Only when he's on the clock.

Not when he's on Sandy.

Oh no.

Strictly business.

I mean, he already looked post-coital when they were writing that toboggan.

The way he was looking over her.

Oh yeah, that scene.

It was like slo-mo.

Oh my God.

Have they just had sex?

A director's cut.

Do I just get the scene?

Go back.

Another comment I'm going to make is just the music at the beginning.

Very action 90s music.

And again, it just, yeah.

It reminds you of, as you were saying, denim on denim.

You know, it does take you there.

Yeah.

I think 90s thrillers had that vibe.

I think a lot of 90s thrillers have this bisexual energy.

Yes, because it's what all these bisexuals grew up on.

Exactly.

Oh yeah.

I mean, but I think thrillers in general, because you're kind of, there's that higher level of tension.

Yeah.

And higher level of tension is, you know, ripe for some relationships forming.

And then it's ripe for us to just be like, Oh God, which one of them do I want to be?

And which one of them do I want to be with?

I was watching that in my youth going, Oh, is this what life is?

Yeah.

Is this what is going to happen when I get the bus?

In LA.

Is this the American dream?

As soon as I went to secondary school after watching Speed, like, Mom, I'm going to get the bus.

Oh, yeah.

Any other thoughts about Speed?

I mean, to be honest with Speed, I feel like you can just say Keeanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, and that's pretty much it.

Yeah.

You know, you don't really have to explain much more.

A complete masterpiece.

Definitely a worthy addition to The Bi-Panic Room.

Yeah.

In a very central shelf as well.

A hundred percent.

Oh, again, the opening credits, just to go back to that.

The font.

The font.

Again, what's with the films that we talk about having this 3D interactive with the scenery font?

3D is bi-conic.

A lot of expense goes into these credits.

A lot of expense.

I spared no expense.

Yeah.

The descent through that lift shaft.

Which was a model, a rebuilt model.

So that's not CGI.

That is a model they have filmed and it looks great.

The money well spent.

Don't get that anymore.

You just don't.

We've got a lot of things in common with the films that have gone into the Bi-Panic Room.

Fonts, expensive opening scenes, lifts.

Yes.

Hey kid, no elevator.

I'm just going to say that.

Music.

I mean, lifts.

I mean, two of them have that in common because there were no lifts in Egyptian times, but still.

And I don't know about the parent job.

I can't remember.

Oh, there were no lifts.

Yeah.

In the hotel in San Francisco.

Okay.

Well, there you go.

And actually, what I will say about the mummy is that we have the equivalent of a lift in that she walks through a trapdoor.

Yeah.

You know, that's basically ancient Egyptian lift.

Their equivalent.

Yeah.

Exactly.

And then costumes as well.

Yeah.

The clothing's been-

The clothing.

Very important.

And again, I think that thing of the gender stereotypes and the kind of merging of those is an important kind of factor that we've had in all of our bi-panic films, because you've got the soft and the hot and the rugged Keeanu Reeves and you've got the, you know, strong, I don't give a fuck, I'm kind of like out there, but not manic pixie dream girl vibes either.

Not like real person vibes.

Real person vibes of Sandy B.

Who's like, yeah, fuck it, I'm not going to cry and let Keeanu drive the bus.

I'm going to drive the bus.

Biconically takes the helm of that bus.

No one asked her to.

Queen.

She saw trouble, she's going to fix it.

Yeah.

I fully believe she was on the Wildcats team.

She was quarterback.

I mean, yeah, she didn't even realize that that's what the team was called, but sure.

Don't ruin it, Charlotte.

Don't ruin it.

Wasn't there a thing as well about, was it Sandra Bullock or Keeanu Reeves?

One of them came out in the last 10 years and said that-

They fell in love.

Yeah, they did fall in love.

There was always a wrong time for them.

That's really upsetting that they're not together.

Wasn't he engaged and didn't the family die?

I think he loved her and she was with him a lot of the time, and then she broke up with someone and then he was with somebody, and there was this back and forward over the years where they just never, like their timing just never aligned.

It's like the Lake House.

Yeah, and they both got interviewed, I think on the 20th anniversary or something.

No, because that would be this year.

Well, on the anniversary of something, they both went on to a talk show and said, oh yeah, no, I was in love with her and she was like, oh, I was in love with him.

That was 30 years ago.

Oh no.

Shut your mouth.

So it was probably on the 20th then.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, we're old.

Moving on.

Moving on at the speed of 50 miles an hour.

Exactly.

Shall we get into our BPs?

Yeah.

That sounds like you were going to say, let's get into our jammies.

Yeah, ooh.

I mean, let's put on our pajamas and slip in something.

If you lend me some, I will.

BPE of the Week.

So this is the section of the podcast where we each bring something to the table that has given us bi-panic energy this week, and we can explain it or we can just put it out there, and sometimes it needs no explanation.

So Tessa, would you like to go first with your bi-panic energy of the week?

So my bi-panic energy of the week is I'm keeping this sporting theme going and since it's all on the TV at the moment, the Tour de France, looking at, well, in general, the Tour de France is bi-panic energy of the week, watching all those men on bikes.

Anyway.

So in particular, watching Wout van Aert, who is the Belgian cyclist, he's like a bit of a bad boy cycling, but he's also super hot with, he's got like these blonde tips, like black hair.

You can look him up.

Blonde tips are massive, Bi-P.

Yeah.

Sorry.

The actual moment was him getting a full body massage on the Netflix documentary, Unchained, also by the Tour de France last year.

So I'm double watching it.

I'm watching last year's season with this year's season.

Double Bi-P.

Yeah.

Double Wolf.

It literally, double whoot.

Whoot.

I heard wolf.

Yeah.

Give him a look.

Give him a look up.

Yeah.

He dishy.

Okay.

Putting the bi in bicycle.

Harry, what is your BPE energy?

Bi-Panic Energy of the Week, also known as BPE.

My BPE came from the iconic, Biconic Festival of Glastonbury, which unfortunately I was working all weekend, but I was glued to it in the little windows that I had.

Otherwise, you could have went.

Oh yeah.

I was this close to glamping away.

The headliners brought around a lot of bi-panic energy for me.

I was watching Dua Lipa in several different leather outfits.

Absolutely.

You were wearing them or she was wearing them?

I was wanting them.

Got it.

I was picturing myself wearing them.

Not that you don't have fabulous leather outfits.

This is true.

Oh, not in the summer anymore.

Oh, I made that mistake once.

Dua Lipa on stage, incredible, singing, hit after hit, physical, my lockdown anthem, it saved me.

And her performance was a wonderful thing to see.

And not only that, followed by a curve ball bi-panic energy for me of Chris Martin.

Okay, please elaborate.

I'm scared to, because it will realize that I want, you know, Gwyneth's cast offs, but he's a handsome man.

And I was so surprised watching it.

He's been obviously in our lives on TV, hear his music all the time.

I don't think I've actively wanted to listen to Coldplay for like eight years now.

But the songs came thick and fast.

Yeah.

His charisma.

So did you.

Oh, I'm regretting my use of adjectives.

He was performing at an adequate texture.

Sensible speed.

And it was a surprising energy from Chris Martin.

And that man is 47, and he's handsome.

And the way he wears a t-shirt that is like three times too small, that flashes like a bit of dealt and armpit hair.

Keeanu Reeves arms or?

No, no, no, no.

Well.

Musician arms.

Musician arms, yeah.

And yeah, so that was my panic.

Which one did I get more energy from?

Who knows?

Nice choices.

Nice.

Charlotte.

All right.

So this is why I knew that we weren't going to have the same one.

Because what gave me a BPE this week was myself.

Bear with.

I mean, that was one surprising.

Let me elaborate.

Okay.

So it's Sunday.

I'm like half dressed.

I've got, and this is not a euphemism, got some cookies in the oven.

And they get a message on the neighborhood WhatsApp group that someone is moving out and they're giving away house plants that they don't need.

And there's a photo with all of them lined up outside their house.

And there's this gorgeous Monstera plant out there.

And I'm like, I'm having that.

And so in that moment, I didn't give a fuck, like whether the cookies were going to turn to charcoal or was going to burn the house down.

I like power walk my ass down that street.

While I was in my dressing gown, I put on a bit of zit cream on my face and I got my grubby little mitts on that Monstera before anyone else could.

And I feel like risking it all to add another bit of shrubbery to your house plant collection is incredibly bisexual.

So that's my BP of the week.

Pray tell what happened to the cookies.

I did manage to save them.

Where are they?

I've eaten them all.

We got them for cash.

Yeah, we did.

Sadly, got a new baked good every time we record.

If anything, we shouldn't be shocked that someone gay is able to power walk up and down the road in the time that it takes to make some cookies, plant in hand.

Doing it all.

And where does the monstera live now?

In front of my television while I was watching Speed.

So it's all coming together.

I love.

And finally, my contribution to the Bi-Panic energy of the week was the announcement today that Gladiator 2 is going to be released on the same day as Wicked the Musicals.

So Bisexuals Unite, Head to the Cinemas, Double Bill, Double Bi-El.

And yeah, that will be we're going live 2025.

And Harry has coined the new Barbenheimer name and it will be revealed in 3, 2, 1.

What did I say?

What was your name?

Wikiator.

Wikiator.

I was like half an hour ago now.

So you heard it here first.

Wikiator 2025.

Be there.

It's this winter's Barbenheimer.

Oh, is it this year?

Yes, it's Thanksgiving.

It's Thanksgiving.

It's when it was actually coming out.

We thought it was released on the same day.

So I was like, 2025, here we go.

No, Thanksgiving.

Oh, and thanks will be given.

Jonathan Bailey and Paul Mascall in one weekend.

Oh my God, I forgot Jonathan Bailey was in it.

I'm sorry.

Have you seen the picture of Denzel in Gladiator?

Stop it.

He is like, I've only seen the Paul Mascall.

Daddy.

And oh, guys, wait.

We probably need to book that day.

Like, yeah, go.

Day off.

Oh, I have no more time left to take.

We tell our managers, we're really into Thanksgiving.

It's a national holiday.

It's wow.

Just showing a picture of Denzel from Gladiator.

Denzel needs to be bejeweled more.

Look at that.

Turn the phone.

Look at that, man.

Yeah.

This salt and pepper goatee.

Oh, there's a gold thrown involved for anybody who hasn't seen it.

Oh, my God.

I can't wait.

And that wraps up our BPE of the week.

OK, so that brings us to the moment in our podcast where we return to The Bi-Panic Room.

But this time it's shut and one of us has to contribute our wildcard pick of the week and us four guardians of The Bi-Panic Room will decide ultimately whether it deserves its place in The Bi-Panic Room or not.

And this week's wildcard pick comes from the one, the only, Harry.

Thank you very much for the stellar introduction.

Yes, my wildcard actually comes from my favourite film of all time.

I know, bold claim.

But I've never really considered a Bi-Panic film.

I also just wanted to talk about it because I love it so much.

Yeah, thank you.

I've never considered it to be a Bi-Panic film, but it's my pick.

Until now.

So Kill Bill, I will be only discussing Volume 1 for now.

So Kill Bill Volume 1 was released when I was about 17.

And before I had even seen it, it was my favourite film.

Interesting.

The poster of Uma Thurman in the yellow and black outfit.

I know it well.

Just embedded itself in my brain.

I think we lost Charlotte for a minute there.

When she said I know it well, I went somewhere else in my head.

She dug deep and it was there.

Did it keep you straight for an extra few months?

The consideration was honestly quite there.

That Japanese deal will do it.

So, yes, Uma Thurman is wearing leather in a poster.

It becomes my favourite film.

I finally get a chance to watch it, and thankfully it delivers in everything that I wanted it to be.

What's more iconic than wanting constant revenge?

So, the film opens and you get...

Actually, you just get Bi-Panic at the start from...

Wee!

Do-do-do-do-do-do!

And you get...

Say no more.

Thank you very much.

It's in.

It's going in.

It's going in.

That's what she said.

So, we go straight into a cat fight.

The denim and the tracksuit of Vivica A.

Fox shows off every cheek.

In wonderful detail and this fight is hilarious.

They're throwing everything that's in their house at each other and the sound effects of Uma's little legs just hopping over a dining table.

She's pulling weapons out of anything.

It's incredible.

Unfortunately, the fight is put on pause by Vivica A.

Fox's daughter arriving from school and they have to hide not only their fight, but the bride's identity.

Hello.

So instead of killing each other, you want some coffee and they just go for a little catch up instead.

And then a little bit trickery later, she tries to hide a gun in a box of cereal, but not for Uma.

She launches her trusty knife straight into the heart of Vivica A.

Fox.

The death would actually take a bit longer than it happened, but we'll bypass that.

And we have our first kill, straight into her mode of transport, a pussy wagon.

The pussy wagon.

The pussy wagon, later borrowed by Lady Gaga.

Do you know, I did once consider getting a keychain.

And what stopped you?

Because I think the origin of it in that movie is so fucking dark that I was like, even though this will be a classy addition to my keys, I'm going to refrain.

We know where to get Charlotte for Christmas.

Oh, yeah.

I will use it.

Yeah, I was wondering, was it used in the telephone video?

I said that yesterday.

Yeah, you did.

Yeah.

So she gets into her car, the pussy wagon, she strikes off a name of her Death List 5.

But the first name has already crossed out.

Quentin Tarantino.

We're in a timeline mishap all over the place.

So what happened to that first name?

We shall see.

And following scene, we get Daryl Hannah whistling through a hospital, wearing the most wonderful coat I've ever seen.

Looking so hot.

So insanely hot.

And not only is she wearing this animated seam coat with matching gloves, umbrella, boots, she's got an eye patch.

Apparently that's something I'm into.

Flip tables.

Okay, so we have Pussy Wagon key ring for Charlotte, eye patch for Harry.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Overalls and old men for Grace.

It has to be available within Kill Bill Volume 1, I'm afraid.

These are, this is the...

Well, you can have Bill then.

I want Bill.

You get Bill, sorry.

No, I don't want Bill.

No, thank you.

I'll have some Japanese steel.

That is a new theme song.

No, that does not...

Okay, I retract.

I retract.

I have Lucy Liu.

I will fight you for her.

No, she's mine.

Oh, absolutely not.

Well, let's bring out my samurai.

Silly Caucasian girls like to play with samurai swords.

So we learned that Daryl Hannah's character name is L.

Driver.

That is nothing more bisexual than the name L.

Driver.

Yeah, because somehow it's L.

Woods, but like an assassin.

Yeah, it's perfect.

She's illegally blonde.

Oh my God, that's the crossover film I need to see.

L.

Woods is the lawyer for L.

Driver.

Ah, got this story.

It just writes itself.

Legally Blonde 3.

Here we go.

And so I hear the critiques coming at me already that there is no masculine bisexual energy.

Because that was going to be my main question.

Where do we get the mask vibe from?

It starts, luckily, only in volume one do we get this, in the mysterious voice of Bill.

Oh, no.

It's a handsome voice.

No, because you know what he looks like.

But on first watch, you don't know what he looks like.

You see his old hand.

No, you look like a samurai.

I'm sorry.

Can we just differentiate Forrest Whittaker at the young age of like 40 to old men?

Grace, you like old men?

No, I don't.

So Grace loves old men.

I'm marrying you.

Yeah, I'm marrying you.

What does that say?

Hey, battle men.

Show us your hands, Tessa.

How is liking Forrest Whittaker any different?

He's the same age probably as Dennis Quaid in or Bill Pullman in those films.

They're not the same age as Bill.

Bill's old.

We don't know anything about Bill yet.

He's old.

He's got old hands.

He's got Jimmy Savile hands.

Okay.

We're going to retract that statement for legal reasons.

He's got old person hands.

He's got King Charles hands.

I actually haven't seen obviously who Bill is yet.

I have an idea of the actor, because I think I saw him crew in the Mines years and years ago.

He is an attractive enough man in that.

That was like some guessing.

Thank you.

And the voice doesn't change.

I think his voice.

Am I getting picked on for liking Forrest Whitaker?

No, but I think his voice is really like Peter Feili.

No, it's mysterious.

Again, these are not actual allegations.

Rest in peace, David Carradine.

I mean, he did die in a Stixi wank.

I need to look him up.

Iconic.

RIP.

I feel like we need to respectfully retract about the last five minutes.

It's comedy gone.

But yeah, his voice though, I do find his voice really creepy.

I can't wait for our parents to listen to this.

They'll be so proud.

So where were we?

The deep mysterious voice of Bill is one part of the masculine energy.

You're so angry about what you're doing.

Grace is outraged.

Sorry, I went from that here and I put it on the edge of the table instead.

Anything you'd like to add?

I don't know what you said.

What did you say?

His voice is part of the like, mask energy.

It gives options for those.

It is a masculine voice.

Let's just, how about we go with that?

Okay, so more options.

We can pull this apart and we go through it in a minute.

We ever let Harry finish?

Sorry, Harry.

If it comes back to Forest Whitaker one more time, I swear to God, I get it.

If you want a masculine, silky voice, I would recommend Forest Whitaker.

For all your masculine needs.

For all your masculine voice needs.

He'll tuck you in, he'll tell you a good night story, and you will sleep well.

All right, Burnham, go to bed.

Okay, so we've got Bill's voice.

We've got Bill's voice.

So pin in the masculine energy for a while.

It will come back to later.

Anyway, so the film does deliver on all fronts for what you are after.

For foot fetishes in the house, there is a strong focus on feet.

And while Uma Thurman is staring at her feet, we get a little anime backstory of the wonderful Lucy Liu character, Oreni Shi.

My favourite part of the whole film.

It is incredible.

It's such a surprise that they throw in this animated scene, and it goes on for longer than you think, and it gets really intense, and it's really deep.

And there's one part of it.

Again, is it because I wanted her or did I want to be her?

Where she says, by 20, she was one of the top female assassins in the world.

Oh my god, Harry, I literally was going to say, to me, the scene with the most BPE is exactly that.

When she has a sniper rifle, it's not even a real person in that moment, but you're like, this is what I'm about.

It's hot.

This is what I want.

So I was 17.

I thought, OK, I've got a few years.

This could be me still.

There was some fingers crossed, omnipotency in what I could become.

So anyway, Lucy Lee becomes an amazing assassin.

Yes.

And she takes over the Japanese vice in Tokyo, which is part of the Yakuza.

Hot.

I will say the way she just cuts off that man's head.

Oh, this scene.

If any of you have got a fucking problem with that.

That scene cements the sexual energy for me.

When she runs through that table, beheads a Yakuza boss and just delivers the most perfect monologue in Tarantino cinematic history.

It's gorgeous.

Wonderful.

I love it.

I love it.

And after that, we get the intense Flight of the Bumblebee music as the yellow leather tracksuit, not tracksuit yet, yet to be revealed.

The leather motorcycle wear with matching bike, of course, zooming through Tokyo.

Hashtag saves you first.

Always.

Yeah.

Got you.

Wear your leathers.

Which leads us to our final fight where there's a bit of backstory where she chops off the arm of Sophie Fetter.

In terms of I was sitting there watching this film yesterday, like this is definitely not a bi-panic film.

When they play that music, the dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun, and the crazy 88 walk in, in slow motion behind Oreneshi, that is the time when I caught a few of the 88 members and I was like, hot.

Thank you.

Yeah.

That was my pin.

A little snippet, a little snippet, a little slice of hotness in that slow motion.

Is the Kato mask wearing suit and booted samurai sword wielding henchmen.

And yeah, they've got this anime hair, like J-pop stars, and it's just gorgeous.

And it cements the bi-panic of the movie.

I think what then kills the bi-panic of the movie though, is in with her and then just literally slaughtering all of them so easily.

And she's just like, yeah, and?

That gets rid of your bi-panic energy?

Yeah.

Well, not for me, but getting rid of the men.

I'm just like, God, what actually does for the men?

So I'm like, God, you're useless.

There's like a billion of you and you're getting taken out by one person.

Yeah, that's because she's incredible.

And she's wearing trainers that fact fans there say, fuck you, underneath.

Did they?

Yeah, in that scene where she's walking over the glass, that says, fuck you on it.

Oh, is that why they shot on it or they didn't show the scene for twice?

Yeah, so on rewatch, please watch that.

So she kills, I imagine, 88 people.

It's great.

It involves a bit of break dancing with two swords chopping off everyone's limbs.

They had blood.

A lot of blood.

So they had to go black and white because it was a bit too bloody.

So it culminates to a very, very excellent quote.

Leave the limbs you've lost.

They belong to me now.

Again, not exactly bi-panic, but I just think it's an amazing quote.

Except for the hot French gal.

Except for the French.

Except you, Sophie.

You stay right where you are.

What are you going to do to her?

I know.

Well, she's got one arm.

I know you were upset with someone having only one thumb.

I'm sure Sophie can do a lot more with one arm than he can do with nine digits.

And our final fight scene between Oreni Shi and The Bride, where Lucy Liu comments, your instrument is quite impressive.

Oh, okay.

I see that has made a difference.

Imagine receiving that feedback.

You would have made it.

She would be like a sauna in those leathers at that point.

In many ways.

It's lucky it's snowing outside, because what a beautiful way to die.

And in the foreground, you see this little water feature just absolutely filling and gushing as she splays her impressive instrument.

She scalps Lucy Liu, first name off the death list, packing up men were going home.

Is Michael Madsen, he is already in the first one right at the end, right?

Because we see him talking to someone.

We see a glimpse of him as she's introducing the villains, but it pans to Lucy Liu instead.

So you see a very sultry, handsome face.

I think he says, we deserve to die.

Yes, exactly.

And he's got an iconic voice.

I think that is a voice that adds a little bit of that mask vibe as well.

I get that, yeah, more than Bill.

Yeah, but that is kind of just a clip of volume two.

So I'm glad it's there because it helps my case of Michael Madsen's deep brooding voice.

But yes, so the masculine energy comes from voices and Japanese henchmen.

I think it's a very interesting pick because I think it's definitely like, if you are any person who's, you know, in whatever way, shape or form inclined towards women, that would definitely be, I think, you know, an iconic film that made you that way.

But it is that mask vibe that I think was my main gut reaction was like, oh, I'm not sure it's got that.

We've got some voice acting, like we're saying, we get a few, you know, bits that support that.

I think, personally, for me, it was 100% Lucy Liu as Oh Ren-E-Shi, especially in that animated scene.

It was like, that's burnt into the back of my retinas.

It will never, never go away.

But I almost feel like the thing that is going to tip this, you know, over the edge for me is like he was saying at the beginning, what is more buy than petty revenge?

And so I vote yay.

Oh my god, thank you.

Excellent.

And just to say my bi-panic, it's because I didn't think I liked girls until Kill Bill Volume 1 happened.

And you've not liked girls since Kill Bill 2.

I haven't, but it made me question.

Tessa, the verdict please from you.

So, you know, enough that I'm thinking about last week and you voting no to my Mr.

Fire.

I know, this is coming.

He had two really good main lead characters.

I am lacking to find a male, any bit of male or mask energy in this.

I do find Bill's voice really unnerving, actually.

I don't find it attractive at all.

I feel like, oh my god, he's going to come in here and tie me up and kill me.

And not in a good way.

I was going to say, where's the problem with that?

But yeah, murder me.

I'm pretty sure I had a nightmare about it last night.

Whereas I will give you, Lucy Liu, I'll give you with Herman, I'll give you all of the femme energy.

And I think what Charlotte said is on point in that if you put any inclination towards women, it is that's going to make your decision really if you are going to go for them basically.

But for the reason of a real lack of men, again, even though the scene of the actual men coming in, they get killed, they actually get abritiated, which actually you could find attractive as well.

But it's going to be just a no for me.

Sorry.

I just don't think it's worthy of the Bi-Panic Room when you voted Pierce out last week.

Sorry, Sally Field doesn't do it for me anymore.

So just to recap, that is two votes for yes and one vote for no.

Oh, it's all down to Grace now.

So to reiterate my earlier terrible joke, I have thought long and hard about this.

Do you need Japanese steel?

I like Japanese steel.

And Kill Bill is one of my favorite films of all time.

It is the film that introduced me to Tarantino.

My friend gave me a box set of Tarantino for my birthday.

And I binged, but I started for some reason with Kill Bill Volume 1.

And love to the film is a fantastic film, fantastic acting, fantastic story, fantastic cinematography, fucking fantastic music.

There's no, I mean, that has bi-panic energy.

I'll give the soundtrack 100% bi-panic energy.

It certainly fits that I like the extra addition there just to sway my vote.

I think it's got one half of our kind of general energy, which is the subversion of stereotypes.

And we've got females absolutely leading this film.

And I think that is massive by energy on the femme side of things.

But I must agree that there is a very severe lack of the male representation in this film, which is a rare thing to say nowadays, which is a good thing in some ways.

But at the same time, watching that film, I do think I got by panic energy when from the guys when they walked in, in that iconic Crazy 88 scene.

But they were ultimately extras, you know?

And I would say that has a by, that is a by panic scene.

But alas, as much as it pains me to say it, because this is one of the best films, and if you haven't seen it, go and see it.

And if you are questioning about your love for women, this is the film to go and see.

But if you're questioning whether you like either side of the coin, if you also like Japanese steel, or any side of the dice, or however you want to look at it, then yeah, this is perhaps not the universal film of Bi-Panic energy.

And for that reason, I have to vote...

Nay.

Wow, wow, wow, wow.

So two for yay, two for nay, which unfortunately means that Kingel Bill will not be entering The Bi-Panic Room.

Harry, how are you feeling?

I'm very upset, but I understand your reasons.

And it is probably more bi-panic on a personal level than a universal one to share.

But it was an excellent opportunity to discuss my favourite film of all time.

Thanks for bringing it to the table.

I'm looking forward to the volume too.

Yeah.

And if I may, what I would like to propose is that The Bi-Panic Room is now guarded by Hattori Hanzo Steel.

Well, that's the kit you want.

Yeah.

All right, well, thank you very much for listening.

If you enjoyed this episode of The Bi-Panic Room, please rate us and subscribe and leave us a review so we can reach all the other wonderful bicons out there.

Follow us on Instagram at Bi-Panic Room, or email us your own bi-panic experiences and suggestions at hello at bipanicroom.com.

Pop quiz, hot shot.

You're on a bus.

The bus is driving.

You fuck Keeanu Reeves.

The bus.

There are two lanes that you can do a hard right or a hard left.

One of them takes you to Keeanu, one of them takes you to Sandy.

Which do you choose?

Hard left.

You got my answer.

I want to be in the middle.

I want to be in that sandwich.

Oh, Charlotte, you're just driving straight into air if you go that way.

You're driving straight into Dennis Hopper.

Do you know what?

Oh, God.

No, thank you.

Grace is going there.

I pick Keeanu.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'll fight you for him.

There's plenty of room for that toboggan for all of us.

It was a trick question.

This is The Bi-Panic Room.

You can and may have both.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

So when I said I would drive them down the middle, which basically meant that I want both of them in the sandwich, that was not acceptable?

No, you do a hard right, then you do a hard left.

Charlotte, this is how it works.

You do loops of LAX and pick them both up.

I feel like I'm getting very specific physical instructions right now.

Yeah.

What's the traffic like in LA at the moment?

How long does it take me to go from...

How stressed is Sandy?

Has she just gone past thinking she's killed a child?

Like, all these variables.

Does it matter to you?

Well, she might be stressed out.

The bus by turn or you're going to ease her stress.

Honestly.

Work it out of her.

Okay.

Sorry, I just really wanted to get that quote in there.

Understandable.

It's very essential.