#9 - Scream (1996)

What's your favourite bi-panic movie?

You just know a film is biconic when it spawns several franchises and an entire porn sub-category. 

Wes Craven’s 1996 meta-horror-spoof Scream is the perfect way to celebrate our second Halloween special - on Halloween no less! - and reminisce about the days when a hot teenage boy with shark eyes could sex shame his recently bereaved girlfriend and tube TVs were a valid murder weapon. 

The gang thirsts after the (imagined) chemistry between Neve Campbell and Courtney Cox and wonders what the Irish version of Ghostface would have sounded like. 

This week’s bi-panic energies (BPEs) veer alarmingly straight, but luckily Harry pulls it back with a glorious misunderstanding. 

Tessa’s wildcard pick sticks with the spooky theme and makes it obvious that no one knows how to pronounce "Wayans" properly. Take it, Brendan!

Listen to full episode :

Episode Transcript

[Please note that transcripts are automatically generated so may not be 100% accurate]

Welcome to The Bi-Panic Room, a bi-monthly podcast exploring the films and television series that trigger bisexual panic, aka bi-panic.

Welcome to The Bi-Panic Room, or correct me, the Boo panic room, as we are still in spooky season.

And today we will be discussing the 1996 Wes Craven slasher Scream, which reinvigorated everybody's interest in the genre after it kind of disappeared for a while.

So I will just go through a quick IMDb profile for the movie, in case nobody is aware of what this fabulous movie is about.

A year after the murder of her mother, a teenage girl is terrorized by a masked killer who targets her and her friends using scary movies as part of a deadly game.

So game being a pivotal part because these murderers like to torment their victims by playing games with them and asking them questions about movie trivia because in the Scream metaverse, other horror movies exist.

I'm so sorry.

Can you just imagine if Tess was Ghostface?

Trivia.

Everyone would be dead.

It would be like, which classic Sandra Bullock film from the 1990s or whatever it was.

1993.

Just to say, Mellow Greetings.

Mellow Greetings.

In what movie did Sylvester Stallone look his very best?

There is one answer.

In what movie did Sally Featham set fire?

A trench coat plays a pivotal role in which sexual awakening?

I think everyone is dead.

So thank our lucky stars, Tessa is not Ghostface.

I think I'd be as chaotic though as Ghostface.

Well, Ghostface is notoriously clumsy.

If you were a serial killer, you'd be tripping over left and right.

I would be literally cursing, everyone knows me.

There she goes.

That red hair.

To be fair, even on the phone, I also feel like the accents potentially would give it away.

Definitely.

What's your favorite scary film?

Tessa, that you heard?

Oh, God, give us a webby right now.

So we are greeted with our first character, who is the most famous star of the entire movie.

We get Drew Barrymore.

That's a big name, guys.

Pretty big name.

Pretty big name considering the rest of the cast, unheard of really.

So we have Neve Campbell and David Arquette and Courtney Cox.

Was David Arquette, was he famous before Scream?

Was he part of the Arquette family?

I think by association, but I think this was a big franchise name on the poster.

Everyone's going to know his name now.

So we've got some names, but no one is as big as Drew Barrymore.

So in the production and the marketing of Scream, we think Drew Barrymore is going to be our star.

How old is she when she's in this movie?

I must say late teens, early twenties.

Yeah, because obviously paying a 16-year-old.

She could be 18, she could be 32.

She could be either.

Yeah.

I mean, it's a very cruel haircut.

She's not the only one.

It's giving like a Karen Bob.

Yeah, very much.

Way ahead of her time.

So progressive.

Real trailblazer.

So she answered the phone.

And one of the first things she is asked, do you like scary movies?

And that's why we get into the whole universe of other horror movies.

We get mentions of Nightmare on Elm Street.

We get Friday the 13th.

So before films kind of were independent from other movies, but this one, everybody is supposed to be aware of all the other movies.

So the whole background of the movie was that it was supposed to be a spoof.

It was actually meant to be called a scary movie.

A scary movie, yeah, pin in that.

But because they thought it was going to be really funny, just taking the mick out of previous slasher movies by going through all the usual tropes.

But then they accidentally made it too scary.

And I think the initial scene with Drew Barrymore is the scariest part of the movie.

Because it is literally your worst nightmare, being home alone at night in the dark.

All your windows open, all your drapes open.

She goes around locking so many doors and windows.

Why would they open in the first place?

Yeah.

I'm currently looking at Charlotte, looking at her window, would a drape wide open?

The window is shut.

Window is shut, yeah.

It's double glazed.

You have to work at it.

I mean, what would we...

If someone just stood in the window now, Grace, sorry.

I mean, I would be a little less scared because there's four of us.

This is true.

Although we all just shit ourselves because of lightbulb.

I mean, that was scary.

I mean, that was fucking scary.

Welcome to spooky season.

What if I am Ghostface?

Okay.

Dun, dun, dun.

Do you know why it's so bizarre?

Because I rewatched this movie again, I think, last week.

And even at the beginning of that conversation where Drew Barrymore's home alone, she's like settling in for the night.

She's making popcorn to watch a movie.

And that's when she gets the call.

And she hangs up on the guy a couple of times, but he's got the perviest voice from the get-go.

And she is a little into it at some point.

Oh, she's flooded so quickly.

I know.

She's like, girl, like that was skeezy from the get-go.

Like, where were the alarm bells?

If he was going to kill her, he was going to do bad things either way.

Either way, not good.

I mean, she would 100% have bought PPI.

Oh, yeah.

Any telemarketer, she's like, you rang?

Here's my money.

But she loves the voice, though, and I would be dead like Drew Barrymore because I think it's quite a sexy voice at the start.

Oh, Harry.

Well, maybe I just don't talk on the phone as much as I used to, but it's a good telephone voice.

Fun fact about the voice, none of the cast met the voice of Roger Jackson.

And yeah, didn't every single time he actually rang, they weren't aware of what he was, well, they roughly knew what he was going to say.

And then it was their first time reacting to what he was saying on the phone.

Yeah, they wanted to like genuine fear reactions, especially for when things go from the mild flirtation, for maybe just for me, but it goes, I want to know who I'm looking at.

And then the music changes, Drew Barrymore gets some fear in her eyes.

She starts locking her numerous doors.

Let's not close a curtain though.

Oh no, I want to be in, or turn the lights down at all.

I want them to know my every move.

Every move through this open plan house.

No doors.

I think that then sets up the format for the movie though, is that there is almost like a format that the serial killer is following, which is he's going to call them, he's going to ask them a quiz.

He's then basically setting up that everyone has a choice, but they don't really, because they're all going to die the second the phone rings.

It's a bit like the ring.

It's like, you know, you've seven days to die or live in the ring.

You've got seven minutes to live probably, but you're on the phone.

If you answer that phone, it's not going to look good for you.

No.

So she does answer one question correctly, but that is the practice question.

But then she answers one incorrectly, because I didn't know this in the first Friday, the 13th, Jason was not the killer.

I didn't know that.

I didn't think I've seen it.

Well, you'll be dead.

I guess the biggest thing with Scream was the fact that the opening scene you're introduced to, what you think is going to be the lead character, and boom, she's dead.

She gets really murdered.

In the most horrendous way.

It was dragged out.

Actually, how long was that opening scene?

It was a good, nearly 10 minutes of her just being absolutely bludgeoned.

But there's some real horrible moments, and they really drag it out when the parents are on the phone listening to her being stabbed.

They're so close, and then they get home, and she's basically in the background being murdered.

It was so close.

Brutal, brutal, and she's just there being hung by her childhood swing, completely eviscerated.

That's when you think, God, this isn't a spoof.

I don't quite know why they tried to market it.

It's so graphic.

Yeah, funny.

So we don't get Drew Barrymore as our main character, which is very sad because we love Drew.

RIP.

In comes Neve Campbell.

I know.

That's attention gets peaked.

By energy.

Massive.

Massive of it.

She's so beautiful.

Yeah.

She's there just in her frumpy nightie, but with the most chiseled jawline that you ever see.

She's got gorgeous freckles.

Got fringe.

That's definitely been teased into oblivion.

Yeah.

That's not just her at home.

That's taken a full team.

Oh yeah.

And then some more like a teen movie tropes come in.

So the boyfriend climbs up through the window.

Who is super hot?

He is.

Yeah.

We were like, who is this guy?

Like, is he even alive still?

Like, but like Patrick Bateman hot, you know, like from the get-go, you're like, those eyes look sus.

They've seen trauma.

But we were kind of like, this guy is so hot.

Like he's giving, I'm sorry to use his name because gross now, Johnny Depp.

Johnny Depp, young days.

Completely.

He had that vibe.

Very similar face.

The like soft, the white t-shirt.

Jawline.

Yeah.

The cheekbones.

And then, yeah, we just assumed that maybe he died, but no.

He did something really problematic and was kicked out of Hollywood.

But no, he just decided not to act anymore, really.

Good for him.

Yeah, well done.

Yeah, he was in screen.

But that look with the like 90s curtains, that was so off the time and just made everybody swoon.

It made us swoon to the day when we watched it.

It was quite a timeless look then.

They talk about their relationship, how it used to be so hot and heavy.

They're like 16.

Yeah, exactly.

How old are they?

But like two years ago, he used to be hot and heavy.

We were like, what?

Awful.

You were still in school anyway.

So we eventually learned that Neve Campbell's character, Sidney Prescott, her mother tragically was murdered.

So she is our main girl.

She was an absolute slag as per everyone in the cast.

I think at least in the first one, I think the whole story is like she was sexually assaulted and then murdered and her very empathetic boyfriend is like, why aren't we shagging more after this dramatic experience with your mom?

You should be over that.

It's been like a year.

And my mom also left.

Oh yeah, I'm the problem.

I feel like it's possibly the most realistic part of the film, to be fair.

It actually is.

Well, idiotic.

And also how she was portrayed, the mother, as being, because they kept saying it throughout the movie that she was like this girl around town sleeping with everyone, pretty much a slag, slash whore.

Do you know what I find interesting though?

She was assaulted and killed.

Exactly.

But I think what's also interesting is the fact that maybe we don't really find this out until Scream 2, but I think it's quite a trope as well where the main character's parent would get maligned in that way, and then at the end it would turn out, no, they were actually like this paragon of society, and they never put a foot wrong.

This was just like terrible rumors or something.

But I think in the end, we do find out like, yeah, she maybe was being unfaithful to the dad for whatever reason.

There was a kernel of truth in that.

I was like, yeah, that's fine because just a human being, and it's not quite as, I think, cookie cutter as they often tend to be in these kinds of movies.

No, and does not have to result in Ghostface murder.

Exactly.

That doesn't mean to be punished by a murder.

Maybe Miss Prescott was hot to trot.

Mr.

Prescott was not.

No.

He also was not.

He seemed a bit of a pill.

He seemed boring.

And like, Liev Schreiber.

I mean, hello.

It's such a shame how brief we get to see him.

If I would be into any voice on the phone trying to murder me, it would be that.

Yeah, I would be giving my address.

Come over.

I'll throw all the doors wide open.

I love scary films.

So Liev Schreiber is the convicted killer of Sidney's mother.

And we don't get to see much of him because he's such a handsome man.

A handsome man with a hideous name.

Hideous name?

In the movie.

In the movie.

Oh, yeah.

What's wrong with Liev?

I just wanted to say it more.

Is it Cotton?

Cotton Weary.

Yeah, Cotton Weary.

Sounds like a childhood cartoon character.

Yeah, and it's Carton.

Carton.

You accused Carton of murdering your mother a year ago.

Why, when you sleep with me?

So yeah, the film analogies continue throughout the movie because Billy is saying that, you know, they were so hot and heavy and we had some R-rated moments.

And she said, no, I couldn't possibly right now.

You're not even old enough to watch an R-rated film.

No.

Who talks like this?

Stop using these metaphors.

Except for us.

Yeah, exactly.

So she closes the metaphor with, how would you settle for a PG-13 version?

It's the worst line.

Oh, cringe.

Then she flashes, which I guess is a lovely person.

Oh, it's on par.

I mean, they are kind of on par.

So, no sex ability.

He descends from the bedroom window and we get to meet all her friends, which in a slasher movie, he was, who's going to get murdered next?

Well, yeah, then doesn't Ghostface come into her house at that stage?

After school.

After school.

He's got to be at school.

It's an evening activity.

Midterms are coming up, Tessa.

It must be dark.

They're still teenagers.

So school is a pandemonium because of the murder students and we get to meet the news reporters, which is the most exciting part.

So another familiar face, we get Courtney Cox.

That's Gail Weathers.

Gail, stupid fucking name.

I was just going to say.

Do you think they were having like a lot of fun with these names when they're, let's just call them this for the fun.

I mean, his name is Cotton Weary.

I think the answer is yes.

I think they just got a dictionary and like bingo, bow.

So Gail is having her brat summer.

She's there in her brat green mosquito suit, announcing the deaths of the students.

And we learn that there's a bit of a history between her and Sydney.

Not the one you'd hope.

Not the one that you imagined clearly.

There is tension.

There is a lot of bad tension.

BPE tension.

BPE.

Oh, just a moment for the styling of the whole film, actually.

So the brief apparently for the costume designer was to make it timeless.

And I think they absolutely nailed the brief because...

It is interesting because it's like you're saying, like, brat summer, that something is happening right now in 2024.

And yet, you know, Gail Weather's outfit, therefore, feels actually timeless.

It tracks.

It's still modern.

Yeah, she could be wearing that to the sweat tour right now.

Exactly.

Gail Weather's an invented brat.

I want to see evidence against it.

And just most of the characters are just wearing very...

like, casual, could wear to any genre.

So you look at the outfits and think, yeah.

We could wear the outfits today.

I feel like there's a lot of hipster people wearing them.

Especially the guys.

We're currently back in peak 90s fashion, and so therefore, it is fully on brand.

Yeah, a full circle moment.

I feel like everyone's dressed like Billie.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Billie.

A special shout out for best friend Tatum, played by Rose McGowan.

MVP of the whole fucking film.

Absolutely brilliant character in it.

So considering she plays the best friend, she stands her own, she gets some excellent lines, and actually wore her own clothes to set someday as a little rebel.

Yeah.

Hero.

And she's like, throughout the movie, a really genuinely good friend to Sydney, she always protects her from her own idiot boyfriend or from Gail Weathers, and doesn't really coddle her, but definitely tries to support her in an honest way.

And I think so often in these kinds of films, the best friend character is almost irrelevant or just useless.

And in this, she's actually until the very end, like a really solid person.

Doesn't she bring up the mom as well?

She brings up Sydney's mom and she was like, who cares if she was sleeping around town?

It's her choice at the end of the day.

And that was a very progressive moment of feminism in one way.

Yeah, fucking hell, the whole film should have been about her instead.

Yeah, it's by need.

But yeah, she was very much like, please no.

Don't listen to Tessa.

Grace has got posters up already.

It's on the merch.

But yeah, I saw that was a really good point because she was just a very modern gal in the late 90s.

And she's like, who fucking cares if your mom was sleeping, right?

She deserved to get killed over it.

Like no one does ever.

Yeah.

And also when, so because Sydney does turn down her boyfriend because shocker, she doesn't want to get it on after her mom was murdered.

And she talks about it with Rose and like feels bad about it.

And she's like, well, that did happen to your mom.

And so you don't want to go to bed with him.

Like he needs to fucking get over it.

I was like, yes, that's a good best friend.

Yeah.

She's like the most rounded and like grown up of all the characters.

Yeah, she really is.

I do quite like her.

She just hates Dewey as well.

Oh, yes.

The sibling rivalry between another character that we meet, Dewey.

Again, stupid name.

Yeah.

The name kind of describes the character.

He is aptly named.

He looks like he got a permanent sweat on.

Yeah.

So he's the deputy of the police played by David Arquette.

I mean, I'm not surprised there are so many murders in this town if he's a deputy.

No.

Oblivious to everything.

Yeah.

They're like, oh well.

And so easily manipulated because Gail Weathers, who's hanging around in town and is really hungry to get a scoop on the whole story, realizes that, especially with Sydney there, who doesn't want to have anything to do with her, like she needs an in into the investigation and she zeros in on him like in a second.

Oh, she clocked him immediately.

And all she has to do is like, oh yeah, you're so fit.

Like, is that a requirement for the police force?

And he's like, oh no, it's just so I get taken more seriously.

And you're like, my god, this man is such a moron.

One of those things, I really want this to be a bi-panic moment, but David Icair is not ticking my boxes.

How he married her is a mystery to us all.

And we understand that he was playing a character, but there's a reason why he got typecasts.

Surely, how?

She is genuinely like one of the most beautiful women to ever grace this earth and just like, how?

I mean, genuinely the question is how, because he needs to teach us his ways.

Yeah, how would you lock down a beauty like her?

Oh my god.

I do think, like you said, it was really hard to get the bi-panic from those two, especially when she said, you don't look a day over 12 to him.

That is a risky chat up line.

Why was the angle?

In a school.

So many questions.

To a police officer.

Plot twist, Gail.

They're all focusing on murderers and they're not looking at her for anything else.

I know, she goes to school with a shopping list.

But love Courtney Cox.

So different to how we see her as Monika and friends.

And she really fought for that part.

She was like, you want to see me as a bitch?

I will be the bitch for you.

And it was so good.

So there's a real good catfight moment between previous enemies of Sydney and Gail at the police station.

That box is a big BP moment.

It's really good.

Neve's punching in the face.

The anger comes up.

She's being interviewed.

And they're talking about the book that Gail has written about Sydney's mother, a techie subject.

It's called Slaag About Town.

Yeah.

She was a slag and I'm going to write about it.

She deserved it by Gail Weathers.

And then I will be surprised when her daughter wants to punch me in the face.

And it's such a good punch.

She goes flying and then goes home to stay with Tatum afterwards because she's the best friend who has twin beds in her bedroom ready for sleepovers at the drop of a hat.

I love that for her.

So cute.

Love Tatum.

Also shows a wealthy family.

It was sort of, exactly, because meanwhile, her father has just completely dropped off the face of the earth already, hasn't he?

Yeah.

Around what was nearly the first anniversary of her mother's murder, but he must go to Vegas on a business trip.

To call me at the Hilton.

By the airport.

By the airport.

He's definitely having an affair with someone.

He's got a new girl in town.

I wonder if she went off with someone else.

Which I do think in a weird way, you almost at the time of watching, don't really clock that as an issue because Neve Campbell, almost everyone in this film is 26 and looks 26.

So you're just like, oh, this is just the parent of an adult going away.

And so that therefore it is not, you know, you don't have to question it.

It's true.

Yeah.

I think it's worth as well at this stage in the movie when me and Grace were watching it, both of us had only ever seen scary movie and we'd seen the ending of scary movie.

So we presumed Ghostface to be someone who it isn't.

So when we were watching it, we were like, oh, that makes so much sense.

Like this is obviously him who's Ghostface, i.e.

Dewey.

And then we were like, obviously no spoilers by anyone who's watched it will know it isn't him.

But we tried the whole movie, then we thought it was him.

It was so well done.

I think that's what's so well done about the movies.

You don't actually know really who the killer is.

Even each movie we've watched, we've tried to guess it from the beginning, and we've got it wrong pretty much every time.

I think it was once we got it right.

I got it right on the third one, I think.

But otherwise, I've not been able to guess or why.

What's the reasoning?

Oh, yeah, we've seen the trend.

We know how to make it work it out.

But no, but it's quite a feat, isn't it?

Because there are also quite a high body count.

So lots of the people that you do suspect start dropping flies.

So clearly, it can't be them, so who else is even there?

And I guess you do have quite a big cast of characters.

Or they've been killed and it's them.

Exactly.

But yeah, so I think you're completely right that they do a really good job, actually, of misdirecting.

Yeah, the classic whodunit.

So I think the character that they do kind of funnel everyone's interest in is the friend, Randy, who works at the video store, and he's a big buff, and he knows all the rules about the slasher movies.

So he's like our gateway into the classic beta.

Yeah, definitely.

So he's clearly enough with Sydney as well.

Exactly.

He would have a podcast.

He would.

2024, Randy definitely has a podcast.

Possibly one about movies.

Scary films out there.

This would definitely come up.

So he seems to know every like the sequence of events.

So this is probably why they tried to sell it as a spoof, because they've got him basically telling the audience what is happening and that it's happened in so many films before and it's happening right now.

It's really clever.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it does create like a bit of a metaverse.

I love it.

So yeah, if you haven't seen Scream recently, I really recommend you go watch it because I'm surprised how good it was.

So good.

And so there's a bit of a bit in the middle where there's no murders, but you're just getting so much character development.

So it's when people do eventually end up getting like bludgeoned, or otherwise, you feel like they're emotionally invested.

Or back or neck broken by a garage door.

Oh God.

The most iconic death, I think, in our TV is horrific.

But we're referring to Tatum at this point.

And what's great about her is they are all aware that there is a killer on the loose, and she thinks somebody is just fucking around in the basement.

And she literally says like, Oh, please, Mr.

Ghost, whatever she calls him.

I can't remember what she calls him.

I want to be in the sequel.

And so in the face of actual literal death, she is still sassy and she's still like, Yeah, it's great.

Hero until the end.

To the end.

While we're on the topic of the most iconic death in the whole movie, I think, and it will create a fear of cat flaps, I think.

And garage doors.

I think that just moves that garbage up.

I was looking at my sister's garage door, she has a door like it at home.

And I was wondering, so why do I have this weird thing of like that's standing underneath it?

Yeah, I want to be nowhere near this door.

And I think it was from that movie.

Now I've realized it.

Yeah, so next time I go back, I'm going to get away from the doors, guys.

Don't trust it.

So after she realizes that maybe the Ghostface does want to kill her and she might not make the sequel, she decides to bolt it through a teeny tiny little cat flap in a garage door and inevitably gets stuck.

But this is where I think just Tessa and I have a similar thread because I would just do the same thing.

I would see like a glimmer of light and think, I'm so tiny, I can fit through there.

Surely I'm the same size as Jigglypuff.

I can fit in through this tiny little door meant for a tiny cat.

So she gets, you know, shoulders through, she does well.

But meanwhile, Ghostface is just staring going, what the fuck?

Yeah, you dumb bitch.

And just flicks the switch and up goes, I mean, how did you imagine that this death, like, whoever wrote this film to think that's garage door is possibility for murder.

So this crunch when her head actually hits the top of the garage door, it's visceral.

And obviously never been done before in a movie.

I can't imagine a death like it before, but iconic and very suitable for a character who stole our hearts.

And I think one of her favorite lines, my favorite lines of hers is when she, they're talking about rumors of who could be the killer.

And she says, well, you can only hear that Richard Gere story a few times before you have to believe it.

What was the Richard Gere story?

Can he pay for something or?

Yeah, they're there.

Charlotte knows it.

Big tabloid news of the 90s was that Richard Gere, allegedly, I must caveat before his lawyers inevitably come on to me.

Yes, they'll be listening.

Thank you.

So he liked to de-claw gerbils and put them up his back passage.

That was it.

I couldn't remember.

That's a very strange rumor to make up.

A different kind of BPE.

A different BPE, yes.

So if anyone has tried it and, you know...

Let us know.

Keep it to yourself.

Don't share it.

I mean, let us know that because we...

Okay, Grace, you're very interested in that.

Stay away from the pet stop.

I mean, you have questions.

You just have so many questions, like...

Logistically.

Logistically.

I just want to know if the guinea...

Please tell me.

I'm assuming they're killing the guinea pigs at this stage.

Is it that you're getting out of it, you know?

Yeah, because surely they're going to just suffocate and die in there, and the person's going to have to pull out a dead guinea pig.

Well, yeah, you wouldn't want to thrive in there.

You don't want it to be this huge, evacuous space that you've got.

I think guinea pig waking up in a situation with clawing its way out.

Imagine, like, maybe a naked mole rat could manage, because they-

But you don't want to just, like, live up here forever.

No.

They're quite big, though, aren't they?

No, it's a gerbil, I think it was.

A gerbil's just a little big.

Can you imagine trying to force a guinea pig up your rake?

That's what I was confused by.

Oh, that's the problem.

Now that you know it's a gerbil, there's no more questions.

Absolutely pedestrian.

Richard Guinea Pig.

Oh, that's why you thought it was a guinea pig.

So there's just a really funny bit in the movie where I think they were selling it as a comedy where Wes Craven himself plays a little extra.

Did you know this?

This rings a bell.

Who does he play?

So he plays Fred the janitor.

Yes, he does.

Who's causing a bit of a ruckus in the corridor.

And so the principal who inevitably gets murdered as well.

Sticks his head out.

Henry Winkler?

And then, yes, random little cameo there.

The Fonz getting the chop.

So he goes, oh, it's just you, Fred.

And it's Wes Craven who invented the character, Freddy Krueger, in like full Freddy Krueger dress up.

It's just a really random little scene that I thought, oh, yeah, that will sell as a comedy, minus Drew Barrymore's intestines.

So I think the big climax of the film is approaching.

It's the house party, which teenagers obviously have when there's a curfew and a murder on the loose.

So in preparation for it, they go to get some movies, a Randy's video store.

Get some beer.

Get some beer, plenty of beer.

And the best BP moment of the entire movie happens where we have Billy and Stu, and they have an interaction with Randy.

So gay.

Oh yeah, in the video store.

It's so gay.

So Randy's talking about movies out of nowhere.

Stu comes up from behind, but his big spoon starts like playing with his earlobe, talking about movies.

And then Billy, they're talking about who's being accused of murder.

They all just point the finger at everyone.

And then Billy gives a little slap on Randy's cheek and calls him a good boy or something.

We should have seen it coming.

Yeah.

And it is this bizarre thing where like, this is both really creepy, but also like clearly trying to be sort of seductive.

And you're just sitting there going like, I don't know what's happening right now.

No, are they like intimidating or trying to fuck him?

Exactly.

Exactly.

Is this a bizarre indirect way of inviting him to be their third?

Like what's happening?

It's like almost an Eiffel Tower moment happening in this video store.

I think Randy looks uncomfortable kind of as well.

He's a bit like...

He's thinking to himself, am I just a hole to you two?

Randy's having bi-panic in the video store.

I'm just understandable.

Yes, in the house party, we get a few tick boxes that we love in all our BP movies.

We get the music.

There's an amazing song called Drop Dead Gorgeous, which is played when Tatum and Sydney come into the house.

And just the best reaction, like, I just want to walk into a house party the way Tatum does.

She's got her beer.

She's like sashing her hair around.

She's calling everyone kids.

She's like, hey, kids, mama's here.

So she's just a great energy.

It's a shame that she met her grisly demise.

She knows she's a bird to die.

And again, real estate.

This murder house is huge.

Whose house is it?

It's a real.

Oh, I thought you meant in real life.

Who's the owner?

Well, no, but it is a real house that they bought because I think it was someone who died in it and the family wanted to quick sale.

How long was escrow?

Kid, no scudo.

Kid, no murders.

Sadly, no panic room in the house.

But yes, they actually bought the property off these random owners who wanted to quick sale.

And it's become obviously iconic.

And the most recent scream, spoiler alert, it's back.

But the real house, they didn't no longer own.

So they had to build the whole thing in a sound stage.

And you can tell.

It's good.

It's no when it's good.

It's not the same, no.

No, because they have a fake sunset and everything.

Oh yeah, yeah.

It doesn't hit the same, but it's just actual facts.

Or this house is fab.

It's just a house, yeah.

It's decorated really gaudily.

Yeah, it's got stained glass window for some reason in this house, but.

And a speed boat.

Oh yeah.

Also, it's sort of out in the middle of nowhere again, right?

Just surrounded by like corn fields and shit.

I feel like it really is like definitely not the place to have a party while there's a murderer on the loose.

No.

So it's set up, I'm guessing a fictional place called Woodsboro in California.

Yeah, Woodsboro, babes.

So yeah, they also have a speed boat, which comes in handy because Sydney just falls upon it when she jumps out of a bedroom window while she's on the run from Ghostface.

So have we seen a large body of water at this point?

Like, what was the speed boat for?

There is no water nearby, is there?

I think we're in the Midwest and I hadn't seen a lake.

Where's the speed boat going to come in?

No, it's useless.

Just strategically placed.

It's probably just left from the owner of the actual house.

I thought we'll make use of it.

Sydney can fall from the fourth floor story after that.

She'll be miraculously fine.

So The Bi-Panic continues in the party when we actually get a sex scene, which also comes from another, There Are Three Things quote from Sydney, when again, the film metaphor continues.

They're talking about life is just a movie.

And then how she phrased it is just so disgusting.

She's like, this is a movie or even a good porno.

Yeah, again, they're teenagers at this point.

And I don't want to have sex after someone says that.

Also, they're not teenagers of like the late 2000s with like access to constant internet porn.

Like we're talking 90s, you know, what is she talking about?

That'd be like VHS porn.

Exactly, how much of that has she seen?

Her dad, her mom probably had a lot.

Her dad possibly made a lot, you know.

We're pro Sydney's mom here.

Yeah, we're pro Sydney's mom.

Prescott's Pawn Shop.

What's your favorite porno film?

Go on.

Down Under with Sydney.

Yeah, so after a horrible sex scene.

With Billy and Sydney.

Yeah, not with Richard Gere and of Guinea Pig.

So Billy Postcoital gets greeted with Ghostface, much to Sydney's horror.

From behind?

From behind.

I mean, knowing what we know, that's even more homoerotic than we thought.

But also, yeah, something to mention as well, throughout this movie, Billy was highly suspected of being Ghostface because he had appeared straight after Ghostface tried to kill Sydney the first time in her bedroom.

And she actually accused him basically.

And she was like, it's you.

And he was like, it's not me.

Did he drop his phone?

Or is that in the phone?

Oh, he had a phone.

And no one had a phone.

Cellular phone.

And they were like, how do you have a phone?

Who owns the phone?

He's like, it's my phone.

Everyone has one.

You're being arrested, Sunshine.

Yeah.

And they were like, okay, he's not him.

So he was highly suspected for a good bit.

And then eventually Sydney gives in, sleeps with him.

And then this is where we are.

Ghostface has shot him, or stabs him.

Stabs him, yeah.

Stabs him like a few times.

Oh, it's also when Sydney accused Billy of being Ghostface earlier on in the movie, where it just comes from a really good quote from Ghostface over the phone, where he says, you've fingered the wrong guy again.

Referencing Cotton Weary, who she accused of killing her mother.

She didn't finger him.

I mean, she might have done.

I mean, how else are you going to get the gerbil out there?

Do you know what's funny though as well is, this is our second recording of this episode.

And the other day, I found a piece of paper on the table, and I opened it up and it just said, you fingered the wrong guy.

And I was like, what?

I was like, this isn't my handwriting, this isn't Tessa's.

It's Ghostface here.

That is slightly alarming.

It was Harry's nose.

I'm just going to start leaving that around your house.

And if someone said that to me over the phone in a creepy voice, I don't think I'd be scared.

I'll just 100% giggle.

It breaks all tensions.

Yeah, I think Ghostface will probably just get really pissed off with you.

I know, I'll just be giggling the whole time.

Just text me.

Complete the VM.

Quick VM there, please.

Back to Billy's untimely demise, there are air quotes.

Wink, wink.

So Sydney runs away, leaving Billy for what she thinks is for dead, gets chased by Ghostface herself, ready for a big kitchen showdown, because everything happens in the kitchen.

She gets chased by Ghostface hysterically, and they're so funny going up and down the stairs, throwing every single possible object at him.

He's like a cartoon bending every single time that he gets and he's like, oh well, out of my way, I'm still gonna come kill you.

Ghostface is so clumsy.

And she's like still not able to outrun him.

Not a chance.

Even though he's in like full floor length gown.

Yeah, that would make you clumsy, right?

Cause you get a fee caught that and that immediately while you're trying to chase someone down to kill them.

Oh, I probably slip on it myself.

And I guess the peripheral vision of the mask isn't great either.

How are you breathing in that as well?

Yeah, and I mean like your knife is 100% getting caught in the sleeves.

It's just like, you maybe just invest in some ties.

Better murder gear.

Yeah, yeah, something a bit more skin tight.

Or a black suit.

Yeah, something a bit more fitting.

Yeah, a bit more aerodynamic.

Yeah.

Shows us who the killer is.

Yeah, something see-through, a little bit of sheer.

Is that red hair through the mask?

Just do it in the nude, you know, that'll really like, that'll stop you from seeing the tie down.

That'll throw off any victims.

In the Ghostface porn.

I'm so intrigued by this Ghostface porn.

Well, it's a quick Google away.

That'll be an activity for us on Halloween.

That's a group bonding session.

I didn't think we were going to have.

Look, I feel like the way the podcast is going, we'll get there at some point, so we might as well get it over with sooner or later.

So the big showdown of the reveal of who could possibly be the murderer must be coming now, and we get to another excellent character, who we've not talked about much is Stu, played by Matthew Lillard.

Absolutely unhinged.

So wild, but he just looks pretty hot.

He does.

He's wearing-

I disagree.

Yeah, I actually disagree as well.

I think he's just a bit of an idiot.

I mean, he's an idiot, but he ends up being a bit drooly.

There's a bit of spittle.

There's something-

It's like the oversized jumper.

The ridge.

I know he has a bit of a house.

The house.

The boat.

The money.

I feel like the most attractive thing about him is the fact that he somehow managed to get Tatum to date him.

That's true.

That is it.

I might have been the house, the ridge, the money.

Yeah, just before.

So Billy emerges from the stairs.

He's alive just in time to take a gun out of Sydney's hand and shoot Randy, who's been an innocent bystander in all of this.

Yeah, but it doesn't...

And Billy have the iconic scene of when he closes the door and he turns around, slow motion, eyes glaring.

What does he say?

I don't know what I'm forgetting.

It was a quote from Psycho, isn't it?

We all go a little mad sometimes.

So good.

So that was I think peak BP energy in this moment, in this whole thing.

He is so crazy.

Them shark eyes.

It's just like, he has dead shark eyes.

It's kind of the kind of heart though.

Yeah, when he turns around and does that, you're like, oh no.

With a smoking gun in his hand.

Oh no, I'm not a victim too.

Don't chase me, Mr.

Killer.

I want to be in the sequel.

I'll run backwards so I can stay with your shark eyes.

So, Sydney looks at Billy and goes, oh, I just fucked a murderer.

Is that what she actually says?

Does she say that?

Well, she should have said that.

She fingered the right guy.

Finally, her fingering is put to good action.

And then it slowly reveals that it's Billy.

And then Matthew Lillard as Stu comes in with the voice changer, surprise Sydney.

Yeah.

He's so mental.

And then it comes out the reason for going out to Sydney is so, is basically he's got big mommy issues, Billy.

His dad had a legitimate affair with Sydney's mom.

So she wasn't sleeping around town.

She was just sleeping with him.

And cotton weary.

And cotton weary.

Oh, maybe she was actually sleeping around town.

A little piece on the side.

That made his mom leave.

So he then was being raised by his father and it broke up the family.

And he was just highly unstable and decided to turn to Ghostface.

And he then reveals that it was him and Stu who raped and killed Sidney's mom.

Now, that's not going to give anyone rage.

I don't know what will.

I mean, that's quite a lot of information to take in from the person you just had sex with.

Yeah.

And you're like, fuck, I did finger the wrong guy.

Excuse my language.

So as she's absorbing all of this, another plan of our murderers is revealed where they are going to stab each other, kill Sidney and her dad, whose side note been locked up in a cupboard the whole time.

Not at the Hilton by the airport.

Was he ever at the Hilton?

I don't think he ever made it to the Hilton.

Yeah.

But was he actually going or was that just so all-applied?

He was obviously.

Oh no, I think he was going.

Yeah.

He was still about a man.

Yeah.

Probably for his affair, obviously.

Yeah.

So this is where the plan by two teens who are drunk on murder, try to just stab each other just a little bit, just so that they survive.

And this is where top tip you get from Billy to the side and not too deep.

Hello.

I think we've all heard that one before.

They definitely practiced.

Definitely practiced.

They clearly didn't practice because he fucks it up.

Definitely fucks it up.

So they just viciously stab each other.

They go to the center and too deep.

I think Billy just loses it again.

He's like, I'm just going to kill you.

See you later.

He enjoys it.

Yeah.

After being accused of, you've watched too many movies.

Movies don't create psychos.

Movies make psychos more creative.

I think, God, she should have really known this about him as they were together for a long time, but never well.

Sidney's not the best judge of character.

No.

Maybe it just goes to show you that she is also just an average teenage girl and the boy was hot and that's all that she saw and needed.

Exactly.

It's a ticked a box for her.

Exactly.

No questions asked.

Yeah.

You have your little movie night with Stu again.

Do boy things.

I wonder though, like if I ask the question, had she at the beginning not gone PG-13 on him, would the whole thing have been prevented?

Now, would he have murdered her earlier?

I don't know.

Are you just thinking that the moral of the story is to just get the ride?

It's put out.

Put out.

Figure the right guy immediately.

Just put out.

Say it again, Tessa.

Put out.

Put out.

On this podcast, we promote consent.

We're very sex positive.

Sex positive.

And whenever you're ready, you know, just not with a serial killer.

It helps.

Or a gerbil.

And just make sure that, you know, your mom hasn't had an affair with his dad, which has caused his mom to leave.

Do your due diligence.

Hire a private investigator.

Just a quick reference check.

Just stay single.

Yeah.

So, it leads to Sydney calling Billy a pansy-ass mama's boy.

Oh my god.

Because they're so distracted stabbing each other.

Sydney's like, fuck this.

I'm going to steal the Ghostface uniform.

The uniform like it's a job.

And the voice.

The phone and the voice changer.

And she calls the phone and Stu answers.

And he's there just bleeding away, feeling a little woozy.

And he just blames it on peer pressure.

He just ad-libs and goes mad in that final scene, doesn't he?

Yeah, I don't think it was scripted.

No, because she's like, he's like, have you called the police?

And she says, of course I have you asshole or something like that.

And he's like, my parents are going to be so mad at me.

It's a fantastic line.

Also, you can tell he genuinely believes that.

Yeah.

You know, like he is so, he is so insane, but those child, like those teenage instincts are also still there.

He has like, you've done something really bad.

Like you've not crashed the carousel, you've killed loads of people.

Your parents' house, it's covered in blood.

Tatum is stuck in the fucking carousel door.

Oh my God.

And to be fair, like he also, you know, after his girlfriend, he has the most iconic death, which is that he gets electrocuted and crushed by a television.

Yeah.

As Halloween is playing and Jamie Lee Curtis' face is just like crushed onto his head.

What a way to go.

I mean it.

And we're not talking like, you know, 2020s flat screen TV.

We're talking like big fat pig back on it.

Cathode ray gases.

You had to have two people lift it, like even move it somewhere in your living room.

That would have caused an almighty thud.

Oh my God.

Awful.

Oh yeah.

A flat screen today, that would have just bounced off your nose.

Exactly.

Nice try.

So yeah, that's the end of our first killer, Stu, which is sad.

I mean, but necessary, necessary, necessary evil, which leaves Billy, our main event, who has been stabbed pretty almost to death, but has enough energy to steal the gun and start chasing around.

So he's strangling Sydney, but just to be saved by, da da da da da da da da.

Yeah.

Gail comes back.

Gail's back, shoots him in the chest, goes flying.

I think you think he's duped.

Gets an iconic line, which is like, had the safety off this time, asshole.

Saves the day.

And then she just gets another shot for good measure.

Yeah, because they always come back.

Yeah.

You got to make sure.

Unless it's a headshot, they always come back.

Got to shoot him in the head, kids.

Wait, can you cut that?

That's going at the end of the podcast.

Like, very problematic themes we have going on here today.

Movies don't make killers in this film.

Podcasts don't make killers.

They make them more creative.

So we learn our killers.

Everyone has a good lesson for the day.

The sun is rising and Gail gets a scoop and a half.

So you just know her career is going to take off.

So get it, Gail.

And she's also with Dewey now at this stage too.

Oh my God, lose him, girl.

Honestly.

If anything, her and Sydney should just bond over this moment.

They really should.

They missed a big boat there.

Do you know what?

It is so insane if you think about this.

Okay.

And then, you know, at the end, Sydney survives, blah, blah, blah.

This is a girl who's a teenage girl whose mother was sexually assaulted and brutally murdered by her psychopath boyfriend and his.

You know, maybe boyfriend.

Yeah, we can go and they killed, you know, her, her best friend and lots of other people.

And she somehow manages not to die.

But like, there isn't enough therapy in the world.

Not at all.

How do you move on from this?

I know.

And then you also, she like basically helps kill the psychopathic boyfriend.

Like you can't, you can't recover her.

Also forgetting to mention that she weaponized an umbrella as well.

True.

Yeah.

Creative.

Very creative.

I do, I do wonder, because obviously Scream has six movies out now.

They're filming seven at the moment.

Will they ever go into that it's going to be Neve Campbell?

Will she ever become Ghostface?

I think, I think towards the end, they'll have to do that as her, because they've enjoyed with it, haven't they?

They've thought about it.

Because they're thinking about Courtney Cox potentially doing it.

It would make sense, because nobody can survive this amount of trauma and get away.

And just do it herself.

It's my turn.

Like a rite of passage.

Clearly, I've been chosen.

Like the universe has tried to tell me something.

Because they've kind of done that a bit with the new kind of format, haven't they?

That the new Neve Campbell, like that who replaces her, is kind of has psychopathic tendencies, because you want to be a spoiler alert, but she has a relation to Billy.

They were setting up that way.

Yeah, they set up.

Is she going to be the crazy one?

But she's been actually written out with her movie, because they're steering away from that entire cast now and going back to Sydney.

Go back to the originals because of media drama.

Yeah.

But it's going to be her daughter now, I think is going to be the protagonist.

Boring.

Make it Neve Campbell.

I know.

Really?

Oh, I thought Neve is going to steal the show.

She's going to be back in it, but I think it's going to be centered around her daughter, who will probably be a teenager by this time or whatever.

Okay.

I think McKenna Grace is in talks to do it.

Okay.

Oh, and maybe Patrick Dempsey reprising his role on Scream 3.

I really want him to come back.

I really want him to be the husband that will be.

Yeah.

Talk about the queer coding of our murderers.

They're actually based off some real life.

Oh, really?

I didn't know that.

It's really scary.

Yeah.

So there were in like 1920s America, two students of the University of Chicago, Leopold and Leob were their surnames.

So they were lovers and they thought they were better than everyone else.

They thought they were so intelligent that they could get away with murder.

So they planned and executed this murder of a young child, I think.

And then just for a little while got away with it and were just insufferable.

I think they eventually just like gave it away because they were just so proud of themselves.

That's horrible.

Yeah, dark, very dark.

And I bet you just know they were the most insufferable couple.

They were the mean gays of the 1920s.

Yeah, like, oh, they're here.

They could have picked like they could have been vigilante about it.

I would have maybe rooted for them if they went, oh, we're going to pick someone who's like really bad and he's, you know, he's escaped justice and we're going to go murder.

Gay crusaders.

Yeah, I know, but instead of murder a child.

Yeah.

I know what we've all said about Jurassic Park, but I don't think in reality.

Charlotte's very upset about this.

So that is Scream, everybody.

If you haven't watched it, really, really do recommend.

It's actually quite scary.

So many hot people.

Timeless, timeless slasher.

Great one-liners.

It's very funny.

It's very funny.

Yeah, it's very, it's surprisingly scary.

It's very like, it tells you exactly what's going to happen, but you still don't know.

And you're still shitting yourself, even though the killer is really fucking clumsy.

And it makes you laugh, but also that's what's unnerving about it.

I think the fact that it's got this like this humorous moment.

So you kind of, you're caught off guard and you're like, ha ha ha.

And then you're shitting yourself the next minute.

It's great.

Yeah.

Full 10 out of 10 horror.

Love it.

Yeah.

It's probably my favorite horror movie.

I only watched it the first time recently.

It was fab.

And it's starting to interest in the whole franchise, which is they're all so different in their own way.

So watch them all.

Watch all six of them.

And just as different is Courtney Cox's haircut in each one.

Stick with it.

Stick with it.

They just keep getting better and better.

It's just hate crime.

You haven't seen a fringe until you've seen number three.

Okay.

Moving on.

We will be discussing our BPEs of the week, which I guess can still be boo panic.

Boo panic of the week.

Boo panic of the week.

That's what made us afraid.

Being biased, being afraid.

Who would like to go first?

I've got my eye on Grace.

Okay.

Well, I can kick us off.

With my bi-panic of the week is Tessa is going to judge me for this, but is the return of Strictly Come Dancing.

Oh, good.

Do you know what?

I was going to be like, I'll go first because I think I probably have the straightest BPE, but I don't actually.

You beat me.

That does out straight most things.

I'm sorry.

Strictly Come Dancing, Sequin's Music, Dancers.

You're calling that straight.

I mean, I get what you're saying, and yet it also feels like the straightest TV program.

It's so middle-age English.

Okay.

Anyway, I will say, I'll give you Nikita is super hot in it.

Exactly.

Thank you.

I was specifically talking about, I was watching an episode of The Day, and Wildest Dreams came on.

It was a fire to be fair.

It's basically, I just think Nikita is really hot, and Karen is really hot, and those two were dancing together to Wildest Dreams.

The effects were a bit naff.

I'll give you that, that's a bit middle-age.

People going, ooh, how did they do that?

But actual hot dancers doing hot dancing to a great song, BP of the Week.

I will say, for someone who's been made watch it with her every Sunday and Saturday.

You watched it once.

Every Sunday, it's taken over your life.

You turned to me and you were like, Nikita's ass is incredible, and I was like, yeah.

His ass is, he hears something dancing.

No, I'll say, it actually is quite good, and it's good when they actually have proper dancing numbers.

When they have like the kind of naff ones, I am a bit bordering it, but the actual dancing is quite good when they're dancing properly.

You hit it here first, folks.

So Tessa, will you keep dancing with Grace?

I always keep dancing with Grace.

Which leads us into Tessa's BP of the week.

My BP of the week is I have absolutely no idea where they were going, what they were going to see, but it was Tom Holland and Zendaya in their matching maroon outfits, both of them.

They were just so hot and then the way Tom Holland just maneuvers Zendaya through the crowd, goes back for her, like through the paparazzi.

It's something, it's like something out of a movie.

A hundred percent.

Yeah.

It's almost like they're both movie stars.

Maybe, yes.

But even just that their outfits, like both of those outfits are outfits I feel like, I kind of, I think I said-

Wasn't it like a burgundy?

Burgundy on your t-shirt.

Kind of like fitted t-shirt with kind of a collar.

Yeah.

And then it had-

He looked fab.

And obviously, Zendaya in her dress at home.

They are such a modern couple.

Yeah.

I love the fact that she wears heels and he didn't give it like, obviously he shouldn't give a shit.

But like, it's that thing of, he's so secure in himself.

He's that Tom Cruise about it.

Yeah.

Look at her.

Of course she can wear whatever she wants.

It sounds so bizarre and, you know, vaguely embarrassing, or maybe not even vaguely, but that is genuinely, I feel like a celebrity couple where if they do, should they actually ever end up splitting, you'd genuinely be upset about it.

It's like if anyone can make you believe in love, it would be them.

Yeah.

I do like champion them.

They've got to see it through.

They've got to.

They've got this like amazing balance of like being super low-key and private about their relationship, but that you also see them together, but they don't like talk about it constantly.

It's like, Taylor, take notes.

I agree.

This is how you do it.

You feel like they could be on the cover of Vogue and they can go to all these glitzy things, but you feel like they would bump into people in the pub and just have a drink, change it theme, be really chilled.

And you can see them actually just having a cozy night in, watching Scream.

Yeah, watch Scream, Wes.

Yeah, listen to our podcast, Wes.

It'll be like the Royal, I think, when they get married, it'll be like the Royal Wedding.

Fucking can't wait for the Vogue spread for that one.

My God, bridal Zendaya, you kidding me?

My God.

What would he wear?

Spider-Man outfit.

That's my other week.

I thought it was pretty basic.

But a fab one.

Solid choice.

They looked incredible.

They did.

Charlotte.

I would actually follow very closely in Grace's footsteps in the context of dancing shoes, if you will.

Well, exactly.

Straight shoes almost.

And I will say my BP is Ina Garton's autobiography.

Oh, I've seen little clips of this.

So do you guys know Beth Kentessa?

No.

Oh, God.

But you do, Harry, right?

I thought you were taking another language.

OK, yes.

So I knew I could rely on you.

So she's she's she's mainly been on the Food Network.

She's an American chef, and she has like definitely lots of and she's got like this really iconic show that was based on a on a food shop that she ran in the Hamptons called Barefoot Contessa.

And she's like has this beautiful, gorgeous house with a humongous garden in the Hamptons.

And she like cooks in her own kitchen.

And like a whole episode is basically she tells you like what she's feeling and she's going to throw a dinner party tonight.

So we're all going to go to the shop to get everything you need.

And she has this iconic sentence, store a part is fine.

So you don't have to make everything from scratch.

It's like it's not it's really not frilly.

Like food making is just like homey and like comfort food.

And then you make the food with her at home.

Her iconic husband, Jeffrey, will be loitering somewhere in the background, being like very good natured.

And then she like throw a full feast and genuinely will have invited all of her gay friends over who live in the Hamptons to like have a dinner party.

She's like an icon of American like food network.

And she's just released her autobiography.

And before she did any of that, she also helped write the nuclear budget for the White House.

Like she's got like a whole other life.

I know it's like a super fascinating story.

And she's like this incredible, like kind, warm woman, like Taylor Swift, the humongous fan, the women's national soccer team from America is a massive fan.

Like she's just an incredible icon who drinks a lot of cocktails.

So I think she'd be right up our street.

And she's got a great movie back.

Yeah.

And yeah, she's just fabulous.

And like her style is incredible.

And so I think it does kind of, it is kind of BPE because I think we all know that like good taste is a privilege of the queer community.

So I feel like we claim her a little bit.

So yeah, that's it for me.

Oh, how wholesome she is.

Such a sweetheart.

Incredible.

Love her.

Yeah.

We could look her up.

She sounds like she's in social circles.

I'll never ever be.

100 percent.

A lot of the books about how she bought a beautiful, gorgeous rooftop apartment in Paris and then spent two years doing it up.

Relatable.

Exactly.

Aspirational.

All right.

Moving on, Harry.

My VP of the week, I'm focusing more on the panic really.

I was cycling recently and I was on my own.

I was looking at a gorgeous view and a gentleman walked past and just looked at me and said, nice ride.

So in my shocked state of actually having an interaction with a stranger, I just assumed that he was just talking about my ass.

Naturally, that's where your compliments don't come in as thick and fast as they used to.

So I just take what I can get.

So I kind of just gave my best.

Oh, thank you very much.

Flirtatious nod.

Not thinking that he was hoping for brevity to be on his side, just to say, instead of have a nice ride, he wasn't just going nice ride, wink, wink.

So unless maybe he was, and he was being very forward.

I think there's room for doubt there.

Yeah, I wouldn't, you know, yeah.

You could have also been saying like nice bike.

Yeah, again, that was secret option C.

I realized when I pedaled away as quickly as I could, that he was either complimenting my bike or just hoping I have a nice day.

But here's the thing, Harry, because you don't know the answer.

You also don't really have to doubt yourself.

And Biggleshey here is your friend.

Thank you.

Was he Northern Irish?

Exactly.

No, he was not.

Why would that help me?

Deride.

Deride.

Deride.

So I pedaled off into the distance, hoping that he was talking about my ass in Lycra.

I mean, if he's Irish, he probably is.

I mean, I don't know.

I was feeling myself that day.

I mean, my legs aren't nice, but.

I quite enjoy the fact that you pedal off as well.

You're like, check this out.

Give more of what you're looking for.

Yeah.

I don't want to just stand next to him.

That would have been a win.

If you just have a nice ride and I just like stand eerily near him.

So that was me panicking off Upper Hill as fast as I could.

Heart rate went up to its maximum.

And maybe he was giving me a compliment.

Maybe he just wished me a nice day.

Do you know, Harry, I think you should claim this as a win either way, because even if you didn't mean it that way, you were feeling yourself.

And so you were just putting that energy out there.

And I think good for you.

Yeah, body pause.

Body pause moment for me.

And Shane is saying nice things.

I know more of that, please.

To a cyclist.

To a cyclist.

I wasn't in the way.

So that was something.

Was he walking or cycling walking?

He was walking.

OK, yeah, that is really nice.

Unusual of someone saying that.

A man walking.

I know, was he Ghostface?

You're ready.

So lovely BPEs, guys.

Full spectrum of them, I feel.

I always feel like we might be missing one.

Like, anyone have any dreams this week?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, I'm not telling Tessa anything ever again.

Yeah, so I had a sex dream about someone that I see regularly.

And I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Was it good?

Just that.

Excellent.

Was it in a Ghostface context?

No, but I feel that my next dream will because I've merged too many worlds.

Could be interesting.

Could mean you get more creative.

I can't wait to hear about the dream tomorrow night.

I'm not telling you anything ever again.

Right now, we are thoroughly panicking.

We should carry that energy into our wild card.

And at this episode, it will be brought to you by Tessa.

So over to you.

My wild card of the week is, falling off the screen, a very obvious choice of scary movie, which I think everyone pretty much knows at this stage.

What?

I really wish now that it would be called scary film.

Scary film.

It's a scary film.

So scary movie is a spoof made of scream, which people could argue scream itself was a spoof, as you were saying, Harry, but they made it too scary.

But I won't go too much into plot detail about scary movie because it literally follows pretty much nearly to the script.

Scream.

Yeah, like of scream.

So the opening scene we have obviously in Scream is Drew Barrymore.

In scary movie, we have Carmel Lettra.

She's walking around the house.

She's being a very stereotypical, like 90s blonde, like playboy girl, wearing very little clothes, like nothing, like little to the imagination.

It's like a good porno.

Yeah, it's a big porno.

Is it good or is it maybe a bad or what?

Bad.

So she's making some popcorn on the stove, which is something that is barely picked up on in Scream.

Because Drew Rarrow was also making it.

And anyway, I just think it's just so funny how with the tension building in the movie with obviously Ghostface is now rang her at this stage.

And he's all like, do you have a boyfriend?

And she's all like, no.

And then he's like, do you like scary movies, slash scary films?

And she's like, yeah, no, like whatever.

I want to hang up the phone.

I'm making my popcorn.

And the popcorn anyway is just building and building.

It's bigger and bigger.

And it's just there's so many parallels to it.

It ends up breaking, bursting, exploding at the point of tension of the plot of Cameron Letcher getting murdered by Ghostface.

So that's the beginning scene.

And, you know, as she's being chased by Ghostface, we then see her parents coming in and, you know, in Scream in the main movie, it's her very respectful, like middle aged parents driving up this big, huge drive in the movie, in Scream, the main movie, and her father basically getting a blowjob from the mother.

And he's just like, yeah, like, it's fine.

Next thing, Cameron Letcher in the meantime is running through the fields, after getting stabbed by Ghostface with no clothes.

Her clothes all came off, by the way, in the fight with Ghostface while she's running through some sprinklers.

So it's really adding to just, you know, the hotness of Cameron Letcher.

And it's just so funny because it's just, yeah.

And she actually gets knocked down by her dad, who's getting the low job, doesn't notice.

And then she basically gets stabbed by Ghostface one last time and dies.

And then that's the opening scene of the movie.

So we kind of know scary movie is going to be all about Scream pretty much.

I just thought her name is Drew in the film.

Hello, Drew.

Like they just go straight into it.

Like it's not even like, let's not even bother.

Yeah, just keep the script copy.

We then go into finding the main group of friends, which is very similar to Scream.

Anna Ferris is playing Sidney Scott.

What's her original name in it?

I feel like I should know.

Cindy.

Cindy.

Cindy.

So we have then the Merlin or the Wayan brothers.

They've kind of created their own character, but they have who is meant to be the Stu of the movie.

He's very obviously straight, but he's actually really gay.

He's then going out with probably the best character in the whole thing, which is Brenda, Brenda, which is played by Regina Hall.

Yes, thanks for that.

And she's just so funny throughout the movie because she keeps kind of predicting what's going to happen to her.

I think it's probably one of my favorite scenes as well in anything is the cinema scene, which is actually from Scream 2.

So I think, yeah, watching Scream, a scary movie, you know, you need to have watched Scream 1 and Scream 2.

Anyway, so then the other characters we have Gail Hale Storm.

Which, yeah, it's just so funny.

She just really doubles down on the sexual flirtation with the police officer.

She literally has like, I'm just going to give you blood up.

Gail Swallows.

Officer Doofy?

Is his name Doofy?

His name is Doofy, yeah.

This film could not have been made today.

No, 100% no.

It actually couldn't, but it's a shame.

It's so funny.

It's so funny.

And then we have also just mentioning Anna Faris as Sydney, one of her-

Is there a name called Billy in it?

Bobby.

Bobby, yes, Bobby.

But I think what makes this movie, because I know people are wondering, where is the bi-panic energy coming from?

But I think it is just the sheer hilarity of the writing of it.

It's just so stupid, but so funny.

And obviously, I think the characters themselves are quite hard to think like the Wayan brothers, I've always had a crush on them.

Even from White Chicks.

I think they're just like, they're gonna get a terrible movie, but-

Interesting.

They are super hot in that, when they obviously playing themselves, not the White Chicks.

I think the way Tessa just said that, that was an essential component.

When they're dressed up.

A niche crush.

We've all got them.

And then, sorry, my other point out, our scene I've got to point out, that which is quite one of my favorite ones is, played by Shanna Elizabeth, who is playing Buffy Gilmore.

She is at a pageant scene, and she's basically doing this dramatic reading.

That is a really fucking good scene.

It is very well played.

She's doing a dramatic reading of, basically, what's happening is her boyfriend is getting absolutely slashed to death up on the back stage.

And basically, the audience are all looking at her, and she's like, oh my God, stop, stop killing him.

And she's breaking down the stage, because her boyfriend's getting bludgeoned to death.

And he ends up getting killed, obviously, by Ghostface.

And then at the end, she's like, I'm so sad.

And then they're like, oh, but you won.

And she's like, oh, I did win.

And she's just like, it's just, yeah, anyway.

And she's wearing a sash that says Miss Felatio.

So I will say, I do feel like I'm doing a very good job of convincing everyone that it's going into The Bi-Panic Room of Fame.

But for me, it was probably one of the first few moves I would have watched growing up, that I probably shouldn't have been watching at such a young age, giving bearing mind to how inappropriate it is in some parts of it.

But yeah, and then actually after watching Scream, though, you know, really, I think just maybe it made a lot more funny.

The last part actually, sorry, is to mention Dewey slash Officer Doofy.

So what I, because we had, I mentioned this already, we actually watched it, the first one thinking that it was going to be David Arquette was Ghostface the whole time.

And it turns out that it was actually not, it was the blood, you know, Stu and Billy.

But in Scary Movie, they changed it, it actually was Officer Doofy and that he is transformed into this super hot character, like jumps into his character at the end.

And he's all like, yeah, bye guys.

With Gail Haimstone.

With Gail Haimstone.

Like that would have been such a good plot twist in Scream if they did it.

Maybe they'll do it in the future movies.

Maybe that was going to be like Scream 3 and the producers were like, oh fuck, they've done that.

They've done it in Scary Movie.

I have to rewrite, which is why Scream 3 was so shit.

Yeah, actually, good point.

Heard it here first?

Anything else to add?

I feel like I've done a very bad job of trying to convince.

I mean, it was a quick run through, but to be fair, Scary Movie is like for like pretty much.

With the peppering.

You don't really have to recap a plot, right?

You don't have to read it before you've done it, essentially.

I know what you did last summer as well with the mysterious what happened.

I know what you did last Halloween.

And my favorite line up, I can be played by Jennifer Hugetits.

What are you waiting for?

I mean, we've got to shout out to Anna Faris because she, I think she and Regina Hall carried those films.

And yeah, actually, I just see, I do think the cast were really good, like really good fun.

And I don't think it would have worked if they didn't all just know, they didn't commit to the bit and just go, so this is ridiculous.

We're going to just go for it.

And it is, joke, joke, joke, funny, funny, funny.

Even with Carmen Electra running away, she follows a sign, she's got options of some deep death, and just runs to death, picking up a banana on the way.

Or a gun or a knife, it's a banana.

It's just making fun of the halls, like scary movie universe.

And it's definitely a teenager film.

We were all probably way too young when we watched it, and it is that, these silly little jokes that kind of like, you go, hee hee hee hee.

And it also did, was a salve to my fear of scream, that listening to scary movie just made me go, okay, maybe I'll be okay.

So I feel like I'm going to be heavy voted out here, judging by the faces on everyone.

I mean, I'll go first, maybe.

It's going to be a hard note.

Which has nothing to do with your defense of it.

I think this is just one of those things where I have never in my entire life found any of scary movie funny.

And it's one of those things where I was like, I remember being like viscerally being a teenager and being forced to go see these films, like in a theater and just sitting there being like, what's wrong with me that I'm not, like I'm missing this particular funny bone, but I really am like nothing about any of this is funny.

Like when you say, you know, Jennifer, huge tits, I'm just like, no.

Which surprises me, cause Charlotte is the one who is always full of filth.

I feel like those things would have really, really got to her.

Like, I know, but like it still has to be good, you know?

And I think this is like, this is that particular brand of like teenage boy humor.

Well, I'm just like, nah, pass.

So I think I definitely agree with like, I think, I think Anna Faris and Regina Hall like carry, carry this franchise on their fucking shoulders.

No doubt about it.

But other than that, I'm just like, look, if Van Helsing isn't allowed in The Panic Room, get over it.

This will also not besmirch the horse.

Scary Movie is better than Van Helsing.

I think we can all vote on that.

That's actually might be my vote, rather than be in The Bi-Panic Room.

Shots fired, shots fired.

Did it give you any bi-panic though?

Not at all, in any way.

There is so much like fart and like, you know, just like, scatological humor in those that that would have put you right off.

Like there's no room for any sort of BPE.

Charlotte needs to feel to be intellectual.

Exactly, exactly.

I wear glasses.

Come on, you know this about me.

So yeah, I'm sorry, Tess.

This makes demolition man look good to me.

I think I'm more sore with the fact demolition man still doesn't get in.

Bear in mind, we're still referencing it in our everyday conversations.

But I mean, it's touched us in so many ways.

Mellow greetings.

Mellow greetings.

That's fine.

I accept it.

Thank you.

Oh, Grace, please take the floor.

I was just going to say, I'm in two minds about it because I watched this film.

I must have watched it in early teens.

And I think I'm obviously a bit different.

Carmen Electra did nothing for me.

Like that whole opening scene was just a big nope.

I probably would have been like, I'm not gay.

Not in offence to Carmen Electra, but I do think these films were like that kind of, they're pushing, they're the things you're watching when you're too young to watch them, that are like, they're sexual and they are, even that was slightly scary to me, I think those films.

And they were, I just enjoyed the silliness and how they embraced it and how they were telling you a bit like Scream, which is ultimately great anyway, what is coming.

And I do think there are some really solid scenes in the film, like the scene where she's doing her little acting bit and like Brenda in the cinema, which to me is just like, it's so quotable.

And I think we, I think like our whole generation of like school people, like school children, we went around like quoting, I know it wasn't aimed at us, but we went around quoting those scenes for years to come.

And weirdly, I thought I couldn't get judged for this, but I do think there are a few scenes of Bi-Panic in there that are like pretty good, which is the, what's the taller Wayans brother called?

Sean.

Sean Wayans.

Sean Wayans.

Wayans?

Wayans.

I've said it too many times.

Wayans.

I'm sorry, I call him Wayans.

Yeah, it's Wayans.

He is, he's ridiculously hot.

And I think it's the scene of him and Regina Hall.

When he's like making her dress up in football.

And I do think that was a little bit, like that was a little bit hot.

They were a hot couple and, and that was anyway.

He was like, say what he calls her.

Yeah, what does he call her again?

Take it, Brendan.

That actually was such a good scene.

Who?

Brenda, Brenda.

Like, I think the scenes, they weren't like overtly sexual scenes.

Like the overtly sexual scenes, I found a bit gross.

And they were like very like boy humor, very gross.

And I actually found those scenes like a little bit more hot.

They were kind of sweet.

And then Doofy at the end, like he was real Sam Rockwell, plot twist in Charlie's Angel vibes for me at the end.

I know it was like a very, very small scene, but it had definite bi-panic energy.

So more of this, I mean, really, I'm really torn because out of nostalgia, I kind of feel like I feel like I need to vote in.

Okay.

But I think in the context of actual being something that gives you bi-panic energy, because I guess that's our common denominator for what we will vote in.

Yeah.

What I will say is, I didn't have scream growing up.

This was my scream.

So this to me obviously was like the plot of scream with the very similar characters, hot characters.

And so I think in lieu of having scream in my life as a teenager, scary movie was potentially that.

Because I did really enjoy watching it.

And I did.

They were definitely like, I was definitely attracted to half the cast.

So yeah, I think I agree with you, Grace.

I should.

No, but I yeah, because I was on the fence big time about it.

And then, yeah, yeah, because I kind of want to vote it in.

But in like a very like there are bits of it way.

And it's kind of no, no, no, if you're going to vote it in, you vote it in, Grace.

You're scaring me.

You've potentially got to get in to The Bi-Panic Room.

I mean, I'm going to vote it in.

Yeah.

Thank you, Grace.

For Regina Hall alone, I'm voting it in.

Yeah, I just her and yeah, her and the Wayan brother, I think.

The Wayan brother.

The one.

Just the one.

I did enjoy actually at the end when he's playing his like full stew mode and he's like stabbing and he's like they're talking about TV series and how TV series getting canceled or something like can mess with your mind because their series have been canceled.

So he gets that little dig in at the end.

Yeah.

Okay.

Just to bring in the scenes.

I didn't bring this up a lot.

They basically they're trying to be Stu and Billy was the Wayan brother, Wayan brother.

I really need to learn his name in it.

Sean.

Sean.

I think you have to learn.

Yeah, I think I need to learn.

And how he is just basically trying to be attracted to all of the men in it.

And they're like, no, it was like a very good nod to scream because it was, yeah, you can cut that out.

And the plot twist is that he's not gay at the end.

Yeah, he's like, I'm straight.

What are you talking about?

Yeah.

But you took me to San Francisco.

I wanted to go shopping.

You know this entire film off my heart.

I have watched this movie more times than any other, I think.

I think we know which way you're going to vote.

Well, I was really thinking about it, because I do love it.

And as Grace said, it is so quotable.

Every time I met up with one of my friends, we would say like, this is my new favorite quote.

We just like run down the whole movie basically.

And I love it.

Like that stupid boy humor, I think I watched it just at that right time where I would just have giggled at anything that was like a little bit naughty, a little bit slightly sexual.

So yeah, watching it again, I'm like, is it giving bi-panic?

But Anna Faris in it is so good.

She can just laugh me into bed.

She's hilarious in it, like just threw out.

She does, as she said, just completely carries it.

And then, yeah, Sean Wayans, he's ripped.

Yeah, in the sheriff scenes.

Those, yeah, don't let Uncle Ray catch you.

Catch me if you can.

He's built like a god.

So ripped.

And when he's got that t-shirt scene and he's just done that, like, does this shirt make me look gay?

Have at now.

And he just does that little thing that we all did with the vest and turn it inside out.

And he just becomes like a little crop top boob tube number.

So I kind of want to do it now, just for reference.

Pack tube.

Yeah.

So I just think that that character, just as a little repressed sexuality teen watching it, seeing him just go through all the things, you're like, uh-huh, uh-huh, and then what?

And then what do I do?

So yeah, my coming out was basically guided by this character, right?

And but luckily, I just wasn't as murderous as he was.

Lucky us.

Lucky us.

Although it didn't actually kill anyone because they just tried to copycat someone who had already existed.

So very technically innocent in it.

And just like the final scenes where they do get killed and he lands on top of Bobby's ass.

Charlotte's face is like, no.

I actually was like, oh, that's just so clever.

It's so funny.

It's such a cerebral humour that you don't get.

I think if anything, like, we just have, you know, it's just a, you just didn't get it, Charlotte.

But I genuinely, like, I genuinely think that because everybody fucking loves them.

So I feel like surely, surely I am the problem and not everybody else.

Well, no, they are, they are really, like, they are really stupid humor.

Like, I wouldn't be writing it highly.

No, yeah.

Like, I think even the scenes at the beginning of, like, when Ghostface is hiding behind the curtain, like, can you see me now?

It's so funny.

But, you know, we watch Scream and you're like, this is literally how, like, dumb Scream is nearly at times.

Like, when he's there hiding and they're like, where is he gone?

It's like, oh, has he just gone upstairs?

And he tries to get under the rug.

I can, I can see your feet.

So, yes, is it Bi-Panic?

There are characters, yes, like Buffy just whipping off her clothes as soon as her dad leaves when she gets to school.

And she's absolutely smoking.

Yeah.

And Ray, of course, and even Bobby's got a bit of a smolder.

Yeah, he does.

And even the other guy, what's his name?

He's like the Jack.

Oh, he's too all American for me.

He's but yeah, he's still in the sheriff scene again.

I was like, OK.

Hope you're not totally worried about the scene.

With the micro penis attached to it.

Steroids.

So with a lot of reflection of thinking, I can't just put it in just because it made me laugh.

The characters are just really good looking and it does stand.

This movie absolutely slaps.

And it's because it's a bi-panic movie, scary movie is going in.

I think it did.

I think that's what it was though.

It did genuinely confuse me watching it.

I know.

I think that's what this is all about.

It's that watching movies that like necessarily the quality of them, they said you have to be some way good, but ish.

But there are standout scenes that I think we like all the movie, all the scenes that you both said, I've been seen, I've been for me as well.

I've been like, yeah, actually.

I can see Charlotte about to say that we ripped into Van Helsing, but can I just say that scary movie had three sequels?

No, I just mean that in the sense because I re-listened to it, like I re-listened to you guys eviscerating me like five times in a row.

I would just like to point out that I think it was literally you, Tessa, who said to me when I was like, I know it's not a good movie, but that's not what this is about.

You were like, well, it kind of does have to be a good movie in order to make it into The Panic Room, and you just like said it didn't have to.

Yeah, but no, a scary movie follows Scream, which is a fantastic movie.

So the plot is there.

The Van Helsing plot is just useless.

Van Helsing, Van Helsing gone.

I actually genuinely think that it's good that this got into The Bi-Panic Room because clearly like the doors are now open.

It was like, well, yeah, actually, yes, I do think so.

But I think it's like, because it clearly was like a massive thing for you guys.

And I also think we have some like, I mean, they're called wild card picks for a reason.

And it's not just for shits and giggles.

Like some of them will have to make it in in the end.

So I think it's, this is how we keep it interesting, you know?

Definitely watching Ray's like sexuality journey in the movie as a teenager for me, it caused bi-panic for me.

That is amazing.

Yeah.

And let us know if that happened to any of you.

Anybody else.

Literally anybody else let us know.

Also, if anybody else agrees with me, that nothing about any of this is funny, please also let me know so I know I'm not alone.

So there we have it.

Who'd have thought scary movie joins.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a bit shook.

Well, this is like we're keeping true to the scream theme, which is that you did not see what was going to happen at the end.

No.

That's very true.

Yeah.

Charlotte didn't shoot it in the head, so it came back.

If you enjoyed this episode of The Bi-Panic Room, please rate us and subscribe and leave us a review so we can reach all the other wonderful bi-cons out there.

Follow us on Instagram at @bipanicroom or email us your own bi-panic experiences and suggestions at hello@bipanicroom.com.

[Outro music]

Are you still taking Vivi Ghostface?

I can't believe I got to do that.

I do apologize.

Should we just get a mask for her to wear for the occasion?

I know what I'm wearing on Thursday.

[Sting music]