#10 - entrapment (1999)
Ah the millennium. The perfect backdrop for this week’s biconic heist movie and, coincidentally, the age gap between its two stars, Sean Connery and HRH Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Yes, Jon Amiel’s 1999 film Entrapment features that scene, spawning an entire generation of bisexuals with an unrealistic expectation of:
Their own flexibility
The manners of older men
Their natural ability to play both sides of the field
Your hosts debate mismatched outfits, justice for geriatric asexuals and just what we thought would happen when Y2K hit.
Bi-panic energies (BPEs) of the week include Saorsie’s sofa stun, hot halloween homages and majestic music(als).
Harry is back in the hot seat with his bi-panic wild card, which left us asking the question: did Mad World ruin Christmas in your home country?
Listen to full episode :
Episode Transcript
[Please note that transcripts are automatically generated so may not be 100% accurate]
Welcome to The Bi-Panic Room, a bi-monthly podcast exploring the films and television series that trigger bisexual panic, aka Bi-Panic.
Hello, my lovelies.
”Welcome to thish weeksh episode of The Bi-Panic Room.”
I would just like to preface this, but I'm not trying to do Scottish, because I don't think Sean Connery's got anything to do with the Scottish accent at the point of this film.
So I think this was actually wildly accurate.
How Sean was reincarnated there.
Right?
I think so.
He's in the room.
That was quite unnerving.
Wasn't I fantastic as James Bond?
My favorite Bond.
Absolutely no way, Pierce Brosnan.
No, only because you're here, I'm saying that.
Okay, thank you.
If I weren't here, you'd be, I reckon you're like, no, you are a Piers Brosnan girl, aren't you?
Well, he was there for some formative years.
Exactly, I couldn't agree more.
I mean, stay tuned for more on that at some point in the near future.
Sean, what time do you go to the dentist tomorrow?
Tooth-thirsy.
She told me this joke last week and I still forgot it there.
But, tooth-hershy.
My teeth hurt.
I don't know why I'm being...
Has he recently relocated to Ireland?
I'll leave it to the pro.
Carry on, Sean.
No, absolutely not.
Let's move on.
Anyway, guys, please join me and my co-hosts, Grace, Harry and Tessa, this week, as we seductively body roll our way through a laser labyrinth, while we discuss our newest edition, the 1999 heist film Entrapment.
A film, I think, like, known for quite a lot of things, including the iconic poster.
But also because it is cited as the ultimate example of Hollywood sexism, because our two leads, who are meant to have romantic tension between them, also have 39 years between them.
That's so much longer than I remember it being.
That's why there's a police siren in the background.
Alert to the authorities.
That's older than me, and that's a difference in their age.
That is insane.
It is so crazy, isn't it?
I remember looking up and asking in our group, like, what's the age difference?
And then I did the math and I was like, surely I must be wrong by at least two decades.
It is not possible that they thought that this was allowed.
At least Catherine Zeta-Jones, though, was 30 years old.
I thought she was younger.
I thought she was like mid-20s.
Yeah, at least she got across that threshold.
I did think that Sean Connery was maximum 60 when he filmed this.
Good on him for being 69 and doing all this work.
Doing all those scenes.
Yeah, it comes up obviously later, but I think the problem with him being 69 in this film also is the fact that I don't think they do.
He's still a handsome man.
He's 69.
But they really don't even try to make him look sexy or suave.
He mainly dresses like an old man.
The tourist version of his character.
There is more material to work with.
I think it makes sense when he's actively trying to be invisible on the street of like, I'm going to dress like an old pensioner.
Sure, but he always does.
He's in sensible sweaters and vests the whole time.
It wasn't very difficult for him to look like an old pensioner tourist.
Absolutely not.
What was going on there?
I can see why he can't ever for so long.
Also, the fact that he wasn't like, no, this is not why I signed up for it.
You know, give me a suit.
No, nothing.
No, no.
So, he old.
He old.
But yes, so-
It's still a bi-panic film, we promise.
It kind of is, yeah.
I mean, because I think especially like, if we sort of dive into how the film opens, I think it's like quite a classic 90s style openings.
Kind of like a Missing Impostable, Impostable?
Impostable.
Stylized.
We've got like a high-tech break-in into New York skyscraper.
And I think so far all of this very much tracks the time.
Gadgets are fab.
Gadgets galore.
And we just see this, you know, person committing this break-in to steal a Rembrandt painting from the wall of an office.
And then they, you know, in a kind of an unexpected turn of events, they post it from the building so they don't actually leave the building with it.
But we don't see who this person is.
Like the face is always covered.
So, you know, we're kind of asking like, who is this person?
And even throughout the film, we're like wondering who was the ultimate thief of this painting.
But even when you watch that opening, having in your mind that you kind of already know that, you know, the plot is that Sean Connery plays Mack, this Scottish billionaire who lives in a castle who is also ostensibly or allegedly an art thief, but nothing's ever been proven.
So you kind of know it has to be related to him.
But watching this thief commit some crazy stunts is kind of insane because you kind of think, I'm sorry, are we meant to believe that 69-year-old Sean Connery can like Pocahontas style swan dive off a roof like that without throwing his back out?
Like even the fact that we're meant to think that maybe that was him's kind of-
With all the right gadgets and he just like abseil for a little while.
I mean, the wind really picked up that night as well.
It's risking life and limb.
Honestly.
Did you notice that the security code in that scene was 1007 as well?
I mean, what a shout out when you have to.
Yeah.
So yeah, so this painting gets stolen and then we find out who was stolen for, which is a man in Kuala Lumpur.
And we kind of through a phone call find out that this was meant as payment in exchange for-
I think he talks about high tech goggles and some plans.
And then he says that the RAM brand doesn't cover his expenses.
And I was like, excuse me.
Like that painting is probably worth like tens of millions of pounds.
And that doesn't cover some high tech goggles.
What's your day rate?
I don't know.
It's the early time of the technology being available.
Oh, crazy.
Ramped up the prices.
Basically the Apple vision pro.
Exactly.
And like not everything about this man is already sussed.
Like we don't like him from the get go, but it looks like, you know, somehow this man might turn out to be a whore.
What, the creepy rich man who has a flair for Asian twinks?
That is correct.
Very very questionable character.
Anyway, after that, we pivot back to America and are introduced to our other lead, Catherine Zeta-Jones, the hottest woman to ever walk the earth.
Her face.
Exactly.
Not even the 90s eyebrows can change it.
And hers definitely aren't Evie Carnahan level severe anyway, but my God, is she beautiful?
The bone structure, the hair.
The hair.
Just like Wales should just be...
How Wales didn't conquer the world, I don't know.
Her finest export.
How is her face not on the national flag?
Wales should be renamed Zeta-Jones.
So she plays a character called Gin Baker because of course she is.
Which is Virginia, the most unattractive one.
But also, of course we need to shorten it to Gin because she's like a 90s style cool girl written by a man.
She's sort of like a pseudo-feminist ball buster, the only woman in the entire office.
Maxim hot, but can also obviously be one of the guys.
So she needs to have a name that can shorten to quite a masculine.
To a martini ingredient, yes.
Exactly.
So she's an insurance investigator and she's obsessed with Mac.
At this point, she's really just a very rich geriatric who's suspected of maybe being a long time art thief.
It's kind of giving way inside into her, but daddy issues going on.
I mean, hold that thought.
Tip of the iceberg.
So she's basically saying she's convinced that he's the person who stole the Rembrand and after being a little sexually harassed from her boss, as you do in the 90s.
That boss would do very well in 2024 gay circles.
He's got the mustache ready.
He still had the hair.
I don't think he has that now.
No, that's not true.
RIP.
So she basically forces him to give her the green light to go and investigate Mac to find out if he stole this Rembrandt painting on behalf of the insurance agency.
And that's already when our meet cute happens.
She follows him, tracks him down in London.
And in the middle of the night, he just turns up in her hotel room, steals her gun.
Not creepy at all.
And not creepy at all because she's got her tits out.
Because we all know that sleeping in the buff in a hotel room is a wise decision, you know?
Especially when you make a quick getaway.
It's so crazy because she's like, my luggage was stolen, so I had no clothes to sleep in.
Hun, you were wearing a full outfit earlier.
Surely you could have kept your knickers on.
Or licked your shirt.
It's something.
I know.
It's the kind of like 90s titillation that I think nowadays, like, you could not really get away with quite as easily.
No, you march on down to reception and say, oh, I don't suppose I could borrow some lost property or something.
Is there an M&S nearby?
Also, though, according to IMDb trivia, she was fully Starkers under the covers.
I don't know who specified as a method actor that that should happen, but in the scene where she's talking to Sean Connery, she is fully Starkers.
This is such a 90s movie.
Yeah.
What was the tea with Sean Connery?
Was there not a bit of bad commentary about him?
So I think that he had a relationship with a woman who later wrote an autobiography, and she alleged that there had been some emotional and some physical abuse from him.
He's always denied this, and there's two instances, I think, where both Vanity Fair and not Penthouse and Playboy, I think, printed quotes from him, that he also denies that are him minimizing domestic abuse.
He's absolutely denied this, and in 2006, I think he's categorically said that all of that is not true, and he's against it.
But I think there's always been stuff in the background where people are like, there's always been murmurings about stuff.
Not that it affects the scene, but...
No, no, but it...
This one was probably a directorial choice.
Yes, it's true.
Well, I mean, maybe he was like, he was probably okay with it, as we all are in a certain way.
But I wonder how on board Catherine was with it.
I was wondering if I have big breaks, wasn't it?
Was she established at this time?
Yeah, was this pre-Zorro or...
Pre-Zorro.
It would have been around the time of Zorro.
I think Zorro is like maybe 98.
And then the other one is 2001 or something.
Yeah, so it was around the same time.
And Chicago is 2002.
And to be fair, she gets the pups out in Zorro as well.
I mean, they're covered by hair, but...
Oh yeah.
One of the most seminal moments of my entire life.
Close your eyes and think of it at any given time.
Antoine Banderas, I think my hair style now is that.
Coming soon on the podcast.
Absolutely.
That would be my episode.
So, anyway, so this is how our two characters, Mac and Gin, meet.
And it's basically they're kind of trying to feel each other out.
And her pitch to him is basically she pretends now to be a thief in her own right.
And she actually wants to team up with him to steal this, like, very expensive famous Chinese mask that's worth a lot of money.
Just gorgeous mask, by the way.
It's pretty nice.
I mean, you put that on your wall.
Lovely, lovely mantelpiece options.
Did I break into Bedford slash Berenham Palace first?
Berenham Palace, yeah.
So he's kind of unsure about this.
He doesn't trust her and he kind of wants to find out whether, you know, she's full of shit or whether she actually, you know, has any ability.
So in trying to test out whether she's lying, he sets her up to steal something else.
And also so he can basically blackmail her into coming with him to his, like, thievery lair, which is like this fuck-off massive castle in Scotland.
But I have to say, so basically, they then get on a, get on a helicopter to go there.
There's a helicopter, yeah.
And it takes them to this massive castle, which I guess must be somewhere near Inverness, because later on, they've got a car that says it's from Inverness.
It must be in that general area.
Or Eagle Eye.
Thank you all.
But I think what's kind of incredible, they then go into the castle and obviously there's no other person around.
And the sets from the inside are so shitty.
Every brick is clearly painted on.
It's kind of incredible.
You can't find a single castle to actually shoot a location.
It looks so cheap, guys.
I didn't notice this.
I need to look back.
It looked pretty drafty from the outside.
I wonder if it was just a ruin.
I need to re-watch now just to see the terrible set design.
I was too busy focusing on her saying that she didn't have any outfit because the luggage was stolen, but only had this bright purple trench coat and an orange scarf.
Was that your flying outfit?
Stole it off an air stewardess.
Isn't it like a royal blue ensemble where she's got a turtleneck and the trench coat to go with it?
And nothing can make that woman look ugly, but I feel like they tried.
I feel like that is not how you bring out the best in Kat.
Give that girl her luggage back.
Exactly.
Absolutely.
Also, at this point, so they basically arrived at the castle now, and it's all about coming up with a plan to steal this mask and kind of like training to see what they have to do in order to break in and steal it.
And pretty early on, Connery calls her a good girl.
Oh, rotten.
We both like audibly cringed, we're like, oh.
Which is so hilarious because I do think like we have such a different sensibility about that now than maybe society as a whole had back then.
I don't like how I said whole.
Well, I think the thing is that like in theory, all the elements for that particular fetish are also there, you know, like you've got like the master student sort of dynamic, you've got the age difference, a bit of bratiness from her side, but it's completely lacking the vibe.
Like there's no follow through on any of this.
So you're kind of like, can you just cut that line?
Yeah.
But that is not the first time that it's said either.
No, you said something else as well, doesn't he?
Yeah.
Oh, that energy is continued.
But I mean, she's asking for it.
She's doing yoga on some beams.
I mean, it is also very much like she is clearly trying to seduce him in lots of ways.
And he's actually the one who makes clear, like those who thieve together don't sleep together.
So he basically tells her to keep it in her pants while they plan to carry out the heist.
And it's kind of wearing any.
She's got any.
It's kind of, I think, incredible because like he says that, but she keeps like badgering him.
And then there's a scene where he basically tells her to keep her dirty mitts off his junk while he's wearing like this olive sensible sweater vest.
And I was like, I cannot believe that somebody is buying this.
This is absolutely incredible.
And yet we all did.
We did.
I've been for something that otherwise wouldn't have any sexual tension.
I think it is definitely just the attractiveness of Catherine Zeta-Jones just amplifies it.
She is carrying that on her shoulders.
I think if that she wasn't so attractive, if we would actually be like, oh, this is kind of query safe guaranteeing that I'm not a piece of elders.
You're not wrong.
I think it's better because you know, deep down as well, Sean Connery also has a game.
And you know, he's also being like, he isn't being this very innocent man either.
Oh, yeah.
He didn't get that castle just from playing.
No.
And then when he makes her like, when he tells her to go swim out in the lock and like, it's just swimming all day training.
It's like for Catherine, like she might die, you know.
Well, I think it's quite interesting as well, though, is that because I think in general, like obviously we've got those two scenes, there's two scenes where Catherine Zeta-Jones is in the buff, in a bed.
But other than that, I do kind of feel like, you know, when she goes swimming in the lock, and I understand it's Scotland, but like she's wearing like a full sensible wetsuit.
You know what I mean?
We're not getting Halle Berry type coming out of the waters.
Or even when we later on have a scene where they get ready to break in because obviously they need to steal a mask while the masquerade ball is going on.
And again, like a very nice dress, but not one that is like outrageously sexy.
So I actually feel like in general, like she's not as over sexualized in this film as I thought she was.
I mean, there was obviously the scene and we will get to it.
But other than that, I was like kind of surprised that it was quite tame.
Yeah, she's not really showing cleavage, flushing out the leg.
Yeah, the dress was like a very on brand for the museum event.
You hated that horrible.
I also was not into it because I was like, where is the body corn lace version with the thigh high slit?
You know, like, where is, where is it?
Where is the banger?
I'm not sure going to the world is not enough.
Exactly, exactly.
The way that they describe sizing women's clothes, oh, I think it would just be good in a four.
That was not a forgiving fabric either.
You can't just like stretch around that.
Imagine her trying to like, you know, bend over anything, she's like, nothing's going to happen.
Burst out of a sausage case.
That dress was, I had a few choice.
I agree.
It was not the vibe I wanted.
Because she says no one's ever bought me a dress.
And it kind of shows, isn't it?
It's like, this man is 70.
And he's also never bought anyone a dress.
And that also shows.
So it goes into Catherine Zeta-Jones, why her character clearly, what issues does she have?
We never get, we never get into anything.
Like she's not real.
Neither of them are real people with like a whole lot of backstory that we get provided with.
No, we only see a snapshot of their life really.
Yeah.
And it's just work.
Yeah.
It's just work.
Very busy people.
Yeah.
It's robbing people all the time.
Yeah.
Love a heist.
And I don't think we find out that much about Mac either.
And I don't like neither of them are really surrounded by lots of people.
Like the only person that Mac has contact with outside of, if Gin at that point is Tibbadoe, his like, I guess, friend played by Ving Rhames, who randomly drops by the castle and supplies them with like all of their tech stuff for the heist.
So he's kind of aware.
He's someone exactly.
And he's someone who Mac has worked with before.
And they share this sort of code where like thieves have to be able to trust each other in order to work together, which also means you never talk about personal stuff.
You have no personal relationship outside of the heist.
And he's kind of wary of Gin because I think he senses the potential that this is just the most beautiful woman ever.
And how could any man, you know, be able to ignore that for very long?
I think they were very afraid that she might beguile, manipulate or seduce, which is such a strong words for just she's really hot.
But they're nicer, aren't they?
It's like, oh, yes, that's what you want in your life.
Yes, I'm a beguiling.
Yeah, I'm sure so many men have conversations about how beguiling they find women.
And I mean, that is kind of what happens as they kind of, you know, we get a nice little montage of them training and preparing for the heist, you know, and they pick her and she's just effortlessly sexy and he's sort of undressing her with his eyes.
And sometimes he's not and you don't really know what's going on.
What are any of these people thinking?
I do love I do love that prep scene because they're fully like, I like it.
There is a bit of tension in the way they argue with each other.
They've got like bickering going on.
And at some points, he's like, oh, he's just like he said, he's just kind of like, oh, for fuck's sake, who is this child?
Yeah.
And at other points, he's like, hello, hot child, challenge me again, bitch.
Yeah.
See what happens.
Keep it taut.
Taut.
And she's, although the thing is as well, like, I will say, there are points where if I was Mac, I'd be like, oh, for fuck's sake.
Because she's like, I opened it fully with the gas or whatever.
And she's like, no.
Well, clearly not.
Also, calm down.
This is like a trial run.
But yeah, I think it's that thing of like, and then sometimes we think like, well, this is all kinds of wrong.
And sometimes we think like, oh, is this maybe kind of hot?
Because especially when we get to the iconic scene, which is, I think the one image, every single person who was alive in the 90s remembers of this movie, which is that they've, so in order to then get to the later on, when they steal the mask for real, they're going to have to like, she's going to have to make her way through this laser labyrinth.
And in order to train for that, they set up basically a dummy version with red thread, and she kind of blindfolded, and he guides her with only his voice.
She's going to have to like, acrobat, dance her way through this.
The only way to get through these lasers.
You could have done what they did in Mission Impossible, which is put that, whatever that thing was that Tom Cruise put in, it deflects the light.
Just hold up a mirror.
Yeah, and just walk through it.
No, but instead, this is what they do.
And she does the most outrageous slow motion body roll as she gyrates against the floor.
And he watches her, like, honestly, I think kind of the bizarre thing though is like, obviously the way that it's shot for us is like incredibly sexual.
But when you then show him, I feel like I can't decide whether he wants her or whether he's giving like a grandfathers pat on the head.
Like, are you just proud of her in a very platonic way?
Or are you like, this makes me feel funny in my tummy?
I think careful too much excitement might kill him.
This is true.
Had this kind of visitor in his castle for a very long time.
And there she is, like her ass, the thing she can do with her spine.
Grace was like, Oh, look at her ass.
I get so hot.
Well, whatever you said, I said, it was beguiling it was.
And then you're like, my ass is looking like that.
And I was like, Oh, it does, dear.
And you're like, stop.
Do not lie to me.
Fair enough.
None of our asses.
I feel like, and they never have.
No, that is, that is, that is a whole childhood of dance and just genes that most of us will never.
Those Welsh hills.
I was just going to say, yes, because none of us are Welsh.
None of us are Welsh.
All from the valleys.
Now at this point in the story, obviously, we as the audience are kind of unsure whether she's actually like, you know, who is she?
Who is she lying to?
What kind of con is, is Gin actually pulling?
Because is she lying to Mac and as she's, you know, actually like an insurance investigator who's trying to, you know, catch him or is she an actual thief who's like two-timing the insurance agency?
Because at this point, she also reveals that she was actually the person who stole the Rembrandt.
I know.
So we kind of find out that no, she must be like a legitimate thief.
Well, she was really enjoying the thought of being a thief too well for an insurance investigator.
The fact of her being a thief makes it ten times harder as well.
She's like committing the crime and she's canning everyone.
I love it.
But then she does go off to the random red phone box just at the very bottom of the hill, dials up the old insurance company and Sean from his little cupboard, for some reason, he has bugged the entire coastline, tapped the one phone available on this Scottish island.
And here's her kind of talking to, what is his name?
The guy.
The mustache man.
I just call him the boss.
The boss.
Yeah.
Harvey?
Yeah.
Is it Harvey?
No, no.
Doesn't he have, no.
I think he has like a, does he have a Latin name?
Maybe even one that was quite weird.
Plato.
He looks like a Plato.
Like a Play-Doh.
Play-Doh.
And yeah.
And at that point, I remember being like really confused.
I remember thinking, oh, so she, so she does work for the insurance company.
And they, yep, they did this whole thing throughout it and they were, you're kind of.
She's just a double agent.
She's so convincing that I'm convinced every time she says it.
Exactly.
So even we have known, so at this point Sean Connery, after he's overheard this chat with her boss, where she assures the boss that she will be able to catch Mac.
Obviously, so Mac now believes that, you know, she is actually trying to frame him, but she doesn't know that he knows.
So, you know, that's just ongoing.
Oh, and then he would, she returns home with a gift for him, which, what was the gift in the end?
Cause she said she went into.
No, we never see the gift.
We never see the fucking gift.
Okay, here's a question.
Okay.
So he gives her, he gives her a dress, a stunning, the aforementioned dress.
But they say, he says Merry Christmas, right?
Oh yes.
And the last heist is during the millennium.
But then she goes for a fucking bike ride on this Scottish Island to the phone box and it is sun shining.
The cows are out.
There's no snow anywhere.
It looks like fucking summer.
And I was like, did I just misunderstand that?
But it has to be because we jumped to the millennium.
Christmas Day in Highlands.
In the 90s.
In Northern Scotland.
All she needs is one little jacket and she can make her way.
It is the West Coast of Scotland, the warmer part.
It's very windy.
Doesn't he have a line as well when he gives her the dress though?
She puts it on and she's all like, oh, I love it.
Such a good actress.
Really, Catherine Jones being so hot.
Is there a reason for this movie?
It's almost like foretelling he knows that she's a double agent, that he says something like, oh, we all have two sides or we all have, or something.
He does say something on those lines.
It's quite unnerving when he says it because you're like, oh, I think that was a moment for me and I was like, okay, fair enough.
He knows and she doesn't know that he knows.
It's like a friend's moment.
I did like the scene on the roof.
Yeah.
I remember getting a bit of panic of that scene on the roof.
When he throws the glass off.
You think that, is she going to get pushed over?
There's this tension there because he obviously knows.
At this point, she doesn't know that he knows.
It's a small space.
And he's kind of saying, I never come up here without throwing something off, or whatever he says, a Dumbledore.
And then he just chucks off a whiskey glass in the end, which looked very expensive, and just shows how much money he has to waste.
Also littering outside of her own place.
Who's going to clean that up?
Who's going to step on that the next day and be very annoyed?
When she goes for her swim in the loch.
He'll get an infection and die very quickly with that.
Well, you can't get access to a hospital in that location.
I should have thought this one through, shouldn't you, Sean?
There's quite a bit of tension in that scene.
There's a lot of tension there and also obviously we don't know what's actually going to happen, who's going to confront whom and what's the actual truth.
So the things come to a head then when they go through with a planned heist.
So they go to this ball and she's in her pretty unsexy dress.
It's got sleeves and it's floor length.
Like what's going on?
I feel like from a feminist perspective, I should be like all for this, but I feel like the bisexual legend.
It's like, this is what I have to work with.
This is like outrageous.
Where is the body?
Where is the body?
Honestly, can we have that as a merch?
Where is the body?
So they managed to break in and steal the mask.
And she does her whole interpretive dance through the laser and actually gets away with it.
They got the mask.
She's like riding the high of the heist, and then Matt confronts her and starts drowning her.
Can I just point out one thing that we did before the drowning, because that's a bit of a scene.
These guys are very experienced thieves.
And what she uses to her high tech pressurization technique is to put the chewing gum that has been in her mouth for the last like five minutes onto the switch.
And you can already see it retract by the way, you're like, that's not going to hold.
We had DNA in 1999.
I know.
It was not that long ago, in the 80s.
Interesting point, actually.
I had not even thought about it.
Are these two very sophisticated thieves leaving their DNA behind?
I never thought about that.
I mean, either.
I mean, massive plot hole.
Should we even go on with this episode?
And this was such a big bit of gum as well.
Yeah, it wasn't like a tiny extra.
Like, get shit out of her mouth.
That was a gumball.
Also, I don't know, how did she have that in her mouth while dancing through the lasers?
Just inadvertently choking upside down through these lasers.
It just flops out of her mouth.
Exactly.
It did make me want a piece of big chewing gum, though, I feel like those flavor chewing gum.
But like, lose their flavor after 10 seconds.
All the ones with the juice in the middle, do you remember those?
Yeah.
Do you remember, I used to always swallow them as well, it was really bad.
Oh, Tessa.
So, no guys.
Honestly, I know.
Never ever.
Anyway, so she just leaves a shit ton of DNA all over the crime scene.
I mean, she got real swagger.
Yeah.
I mean, the security there was pretty rubbish.
They probably wouldn't even put that straight in the bin.
I guess here's the question though.
Maybe if she, let's say that she actually is an insurance investigator, maybe she's saying like, it doesn't matter because I am trying to catch this other thief, so this is all for the greater good.
And it's actually leaving a clue behind.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
Why don't we go with that for the sake of the film?
Also, quick shout out to that being filmed in Blenheim Palace, which is hashtag local.
Beautiful shot.
Yeah.
That's where I go for my runs.
It's gorgeous.
And it is one of those things you're like, any time you look at one of them...
Sounds like you could just go and shit.
Any time.
I've got a dicky tummy.
Straight to the palace.
Just like golden toilet.
I did steal the golden toilet.
Okay.
Google that if you have no idea what the fuck we're talking about.
Golden toilet.
Team trip to Blenheim Palace.
Yeah, for Christmas.
Exactly.
Oh, precious.
That would be so good.
That would be lovely.
I'll wear my yoga pants especially.
Someone can wear that.
I'll be red and gold dress.
No, thank you.
Harry.
We're only in a four, please.
So yeah, so they managed to steal the mask and then basically they came in on a boat and instead of helping her, Mack starts to drown her because...
Kind of a heart moment.
It's weirdly hot.
And I started to...
We watch this as children.
Questionable.
I would just like to say that I don't force this statement because I don't know if I agree.
It just weirdly is.
It's the fact that it's the whole death, you know, like the thrill of death.
It's a control as well.
I was going to say, it's being controlled by an older man.
Is that what we're into here?
I'm post-seeming a bit of art.
I am holding the mirror back to you.
No, but ultimately the end, it's that thing of like, it is a bit...
Dangerous.
But then she pulls out a knife and holds it to his neck.
It's this kind of like back and forward, like as much as she's giving, she can't be controlled.
That's what we're into.
But I think she's giving as good as he's giving.
Yeah, she packs a knife just because she knows something might be up.
Or if he tries to attack her in the middle of the night, like she's ready.
Yeah.
Well, it's also, I guess, the thing that, you know, that kind of tension and also the like back and forth keeps, keeps heightening because she then under duress, it tells him that, you know, the insurance job is a cover and even the mask is a job because she, she's a real thief and she's got like a way bigger job lined up.
I want to say this big, elaborate last minute job, which is high stakes.
And it's like stealing eight billion in, from a bank in Kuala Lumpur.
Yeah, but in like a few days' time.
It's all those bank holidays.
How do you even book flights that quickly in the 90s?
And he's like, oh, this is going to take us several months to do.
And she was like, no, it has to be tomorrow.
And you're like, what the f***?
How do you even fly that quickly in the 90s?
You can't go over the jet lag.
It's an old man.
This is true.
He would be, speaking of Dicky Tummy, like, Oh, yeah, get him to the palace.
I was thinking of the jet lag.
I was like, absolutely not.
You know, I need a month to climatise.
Can't pull off a heist?
Absolutely not.
And I might get it up to date with the tech and the computers, because it's all a tech heist, isn't it?
Yeah.
I have to.
Ginny's prepared.
I've got to admit, this is where I mentally checked out of the film.
I was like, I don't care about it.
She explains it all for us.
She's stolen time from the Atomic Clock at the World Bank based in wherever that was.
And then they're doing a big shutdown because of hashtag Y2K.
And she's stolen some seconds off it, something about jamming the signal.
And that means that...
Something, something and something else.
Before we know it, they're hanging off the fake time.
They can download $8 billion on to an Enya CD.
Yeah, essentially.
Sail away.
Sail away.
Before we know it, they're hanging in between those two towers.
Now, before, before, before there's some different tower hanging, I think it's worth like pointing out that we get another, we get another like scene of a cat, it's like Gin asleep in bed once again, fully in the nude, even though at this point they're like sharing a room.
So why is she naked?
And the humidity in that room would not make her hair look like that.
Exactly.
The her accommodation in Malaysia is awful.
It is, yeah.
This is because they had to spend all that money on the last minute flight.
There was nothing left.
And so she basically, she like very artfully draped on the bed and the sheet is like just, just covers the crack basically.
What the contract would allow.
Exactly.
And so he stands over her and sort of, again, I can't tell like, are you attracted?
I think like he can't tell am I attracted to this or is this indecent and I need to remove myself from the situation.
And then he like very gently like pulls the, pulls the sheet back over to cover her.
And I'll be honest, I found that surprisingly sexy.
Oh, very demure.
Very demure.
Respect.
Because in his day it was all about respect.
Older man pulls sheet back over at that moment.
Look, that is where the bar is.
I can't tell if she looks disappointed as well.
Yeah.
I think it's one of those things because she's constantly like, like she's never, she's never taking no for an answer from him.
You know, she's constantly trying to basically push him into something.
You know, which is not cool.
It's not cool for her.
It's kind of a reverse of Rose as well in terms of not to be stereotyping men and women, but she's the aggressor.
Yeah.
And she's pushing him constantly.
And he's like, no, hun, I'm too old for that.
Obviously written by a man living out fantasy.
But I will say, get me slippers.
What's interesting about this movie is that we've, when we all talked about Entrapment before this, we were all 100% this is a bi-panic movie.
We all had these moments.
And I think that's what this movie does really well, even though we're kind of ripping it to shreds.
We're ripping Sean Connery to shreds and how he looks good.
He does look good.
But it has, it kind of has, you know, invoked something in all of us that has made us want this couple to be a thing, which is still shipping.
We think about why, because we're clearly ripping shreds.
But I think that's what I think we need to...
I think it is because he is so gentle.
Yeah.
He isn't like he, like you said, he doesn't play it leery, lechie.
He actually almost plays it like he's annoyed with her half the time.
And she and it's like this weird, they do have this weird like thieves bond.
And there is an element of chemistry there.
So I think, yeah, definitely.
So much chemistry and he like just wants the best and tries to get out of her.
And yeah, you're right.
He's not like this pervy old man.
Most of the time.
He's just quite warm.
The weird thing is they don't have a sex scene, do they?
Nope.
No, they just kind of roll around the floor.
He is just too tired.
He gives it like a little kiss back.
But generally speaking, he's just like, oh my God.
I've been travelling.
The floor rolling, both of them horizontal is as outrageous as it gets.
Yeah, a kiss that she instigates, but.
Yeah, also, you barely see it, right?
Yeah, yeah, and but in in the Iron to Be Trivia, it was voted one of the worst sex scenes, like in cinematic history, and I thought it isn't one.
No, it's like we didn't miss something there, did we?
There was no sex there.
Unless he was just that old.
It was that quick.
Maybe it was cut out posthumously and we just like can't get a version.
Maybe they just cut it out because it was so mad.
But if anything, he is just like, oh, I just can't, I'm just too old.
Yeah.
Well, it's kind of interesting.
Who cares about plot?
So they end up seeing money.
It does lose its way a bit towards the millennium.
She says things like patch into the main frames.
I don't know.
Why even pretend?
25 years later, it still doesn't make sense.
And the scene, like the heist goes on for so long.
I was like, guys, we want to go back to the castle.
When it was just you talk.
Where are the lasers?
Where are the lasers?
They could have had another whole laser scene.
Yeah, because she's a prominent actress.
And this whole thing of the door closing and them getting out the door and getting smashed by the door.
It just was a mess.
And they also just get so much money.
Oh my God.
For two of them.
Eight billion.
In 1999.
And that's why I was saying, when they were then trying to escape the building, I was like, why are they trying to escape?
Just go bribe some people.
They have enough money.
They could literally go buy a government and off they go.
Just buy a whole country.
Her rationale behind it is like, why do you need so much money?
She's like, I just want to live alone.
Yeah, I think because I literally was going to write down, who needs that much money, especially at that time.
And I think she does say it also to him.
Like she kind of wants, she just wants to be the best.
Like she wants to be the best thief by herself.
She wants the record, doesn't she?
She has the best ego, doesn't she?
Yeah.
I think that's also the thing is like that until the end also creates this tension of, we just don't know who's going to backstab whom.
And that's also what turns out happens in the end, because it turns out that Mac actually set her up the entire time.
He made a deal with the FBI to catch her, and the FBI had been after her for quite a while.
And he was setting her up to be caught in order to get out of a finicky situation with the government himself.
So at the end, they're all at a train station and she gets arrested and she's like genuinely seems like feels betrayed by him because she did not see this coming.
And then he has just has this moment where like you can just tell like he can't go through with it because at this point like she's gotten under her skin and she he gives her an opportunity to like get her hands on a gun and kind of take him hostage and that means that she then manages to jump on the next train and sort of escape and he can pretend that like oh I mean I I did my job so you know.
Slippery little fish that one.
Exactly and like what my record clean and I think this was a movie where there were lots of different endings and lots of alternates but the one that I reckon we all saw is that he then just sits down at the train station like an old man who's got lots of time and then all of a sudden she just reappears on the platform and everybody else apparently has already left.
All the police.
The FBI who have been chasing this woman for years didn't bother to send more than one person and just sent everybody off to the next station.
Success.
Exactly.
They're basically reunited and they gear up for another job.
I'll be honest, I felt like especially the reunion, it felt really platonic to me.
I think overall in the film, I know there was meant to be all this sexual romantic tension, but it feels more platonic, almost paternal.
They're just like thieving soulmates.
It's like there doesn't need to be a romantic match.
Exactly.
Yeah.
But in a non-romantic way.
I don't know though.
I think then he's potentially giving up his own freedom so she can be free.
I think he fell for her.
Oh, a hundred percent.
That is what we're going for in the film.
No man is ever going to give up their own freedom for a platonic friendship.
No offense.
No, do it for Pussy.
I mean, she did finally get her hand on his gun.
So he was like, Oh yeah, just reach into my pocket and you'll find my pocket.
That one's called stitching still.
But the thing is the betrayal that she seems to get from him does see, it does seem like that is on an extra level.
She's devastated by him as well.
She seems very excited when she's back to be, there is a definite level of romantic-ness there.
Not necessarily sexual, but it does feel like they definitely got, it's almost like they are the only two people that would ever understand each other.
Yeah.
And that kind of works.
I think the sexual element almost feels removed.
It's much more about, I am almost so good at something that has completely isolated me, and now I have found someone worthy of me who sees me.
They are poster children for an asexual romantic relationship.
Absolutely.
I completely agree.
They skip off to be career criminals.
That gave us bi-panic.
Yeah.
I mean, it's a different life than I lead, so I can romanticize that a little bit.
And I think as a culture, especially when it comes to film, we do.
And I think the nice thing is obviously also because this is a kind of, this is the kind of criminal world where, like, in theory, nobody gets hurt because it's about money and art, you know?
It's not about violence committed upon a person.
And art heist is probably the sexiest thing.
So hot.
So hot.
Blenheim Palace.
I just can't wait until it's finally fair.
It just made me think about that when we were watching it.
It's so hot.
Which is kind of, it's interesting because I think those are two movies sort of about the same thing, like an insurance adjuster and a art criminal sort of coming together.
I think they came out within like five years of each other or something.
But there's much more coming together in the Thomas Crown effect.
I cannot wait.
But despite us saying that, you know, it was them just having a nice friendship at the end, the film is still packed full of bi-panic moments.
Go on.
Well, I think apart from the lasers, obviously that just takes the crown.
Obviously.
There's a bit when she comes into the hotel when she's in London, and she's just had a busy day.
She's been driving her little rental Vauxhall Corsa around.
Love the Corsa.
Yeah.
And she's just tucking into a pizza straight out of the box, and she's walking into a hotel room with her hair just like falling apart out of this updo.
And she looks incredible.
She looks so wonderful.
And like the lighting is low.
She had the kind of trench coat on.
Yeah.
And it's just open.
It's a sex scene in itself, her having this few bites of pizza.
So yeah, that's all she had.
That's all she had.
Yeah.
That's how she has an ass like that.
The tiniest slice of pizza, the half of which ends up on the floor, I think.
So I quite enjoy the vase scene at the very beginning.
And she's trying to be all like almost damsel of, oh, oh, maybe I got the wrong one.
Then she's like, bitch, it's my vase.
I'm taking it.
Oh, she smashes it over.
She completely smashes it and like robs it outwards.
Why don't even, what was the map?
Was it of the?
Oh, it was the microfilm of the map.
Of the, yeah, the plans.
Of Blenner Palace.
And then the kerosene straight after and he was like, what have you done?
And then all of a sudden they're being chased by these random mafia guys.
And yeah, that I was like, oh, this.
And she's like, yeah, I gotta see you later.
Do you know what I really like about this film that I've realised is missing from so many films now is the twinkle in the eyes.
I don't know if it's the lighting of old Hollywood films, but you know how like all the like lead actors had this just glisten in their eye.
Definitely a lighting thing.
It's a lighting thing.
Where has that gone?
Because my god, every time those two are on screen and they've got that old Hollywood like soft kind of like her face is so soft.
Yeah.
And they're like and they just like they look like old Hollywood stars.
And I know he is kind of old.
He was an old Hollywood man.
He is an old Hollywood man.
But you know, like it is that kind of it has that captures that vibe that I feel like is really missing now from particularly like two leads.
You just don't get that anymore where you just because this isn't a romance film, but they have that glisten.
I think that adds to the romance because they look as if they're just looking so longingly into each other at all times because of that glisten.
You're right.
It's just been shot in the whole time.
Is it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What are you waiting for me to say it?
One weird thing, though, because I was thinking about how attractive he was and I was trying to figure out because he's nearly 70 at this point, you know, he's very gray.
There's not a hint of Botox anywhere.
But he has got dark eyebrows and I was trying to figure out if it was the dark eyebrows and like the salt and pepper hair, more salt and pepper, making him look good.
And I tried to figure out at some points what his facial expressions were reminding me of.
And I came to a very unnerving realization.
It was Kevin from Coronation Street.
Oh my God.
I'm very glad I don't get this.
He has the big thick eyebrows and the wrinkly face.
Thank God, because I don't want Sean Connery ruined for me.
The contrast between the eyebrows.
The contrast between the eyebrows and the hair.
And then just the heavy wrinkles.
Or Kevin, in the face.
Does Kevin look as good as Sean Connery?
No, it depends what age you're looking at.
Actually, when he's younger, Kevin Webster.
But anyway, and that was quite an unnerving realization for me and I had to sit with it for a while.
But God let that sink in.
If anybody else made that realization too, please share.
So yes, on the whole, we obviously already decided, I think quite unanimously, that this was going to be a contender that would make it into The Bi-Panic Room.
So there are, even though we're kind of talking about how this, we don't want these people to fuck, there is still a lot of, don't we?
Well, I don't know, it creeped me out a bit.
I think the big thing is that, they don't, but I think that this is the thing, I don't think that they really like, heighten the romance, they don't focus on that.
And the way that sometimes they will just like, keep the camera on his face when he reacts to her.
And I think it's like almost, I can't tell if he's being, you know, if he's sort of falling for her, or if it genuinely feels almost more paternal.
And so because they're not leaning into it, and they also, again, don't make a very good job of making him look as hot as they ought to.
I just feel like, yeah, there's a tiny bit missing.
I think they should have pushed that up a little bit.
I do want to think in the night in, obviously, when this was filmed, it was very much clear that it was going to be a very platonic relationship.
And then our interpretation, and as we've gotten older, is, oh, they're subtle looks, and we're putting in this relationship rather than actually ever being there.
But then what's that saying about us as a society?
She does say at the beginning, though, that she's like, she's going to use, she makes it very clear, she's going to use the fact that she's a woman to try and earn his trust, to try and...
Gonna show how strong man he is to resist her advances.
I think there's heavy flirting, which is, enjoy watching that.
But I do feel like we've then, we've all watched it and we've interpreted it as, because let's be real, the nineties were not subtle about sex scenes and about relationships.
So I think I do wonder they go in with the intention of it just being completely apatonic, with a bit of flirting.
And then we've added this relationship.
Well, his final comment to her was like, I was prepared for everything except for you, which I guess you can choose your own adventure with that.
Yeah.
That is giving.
But also hot.
But also, yeah.
I mean, imagine being that, Tom said that to you.
When you've just earned eight billion together.
I'm like, fat inheritance is coming soon.
That changed my will.
But the thing is, I think that maybe that makes it hotter.
Because we probably a bit like when they start to kiss and we all instantly instinctively went, oh, you know, it isn't nice to see.
Not shaming people of an age.
No, but when there's a 40 year age gap, we were kind of a bit like, oh, that's a bit gross.
But there's something about the fact that they don't do that.
I mean, the fact that Charlotte finds Sean Connery covering her up really hot.
I think that shows just how effective it is that they do tease it and they don't go into it.
Because then all those other moments become so much, almost their restraint becomes the hot bit.
Yeah, because you would lose the tension otherwise if you followed through.
Yeah, that's true.
That's when they played it well.
Just my memory of the film is very different as well.
So I hadn't seen this in years and years.
So I was thinking about it going, this film is absolute smut.
Get ready for some debauchery.
Exactly.
I was watching it going, this is quite wholesome really.
What stress.
I think we were like six when this came out.
This was a film all about the millennia.
Harry wrote fan fiction back in the day.
I was a big fan of Y2K.
Which I do think though, it brings me back to when we all thought the world was ending in Ireland, and Ireland was a big deal that we weren't able to cope with the digital age.
I'll turn you in to the 0000s as a country.
I can remember my grandmother just being like, I mean, whatever happens will happen.
I remember like, okay, cool.
Like, what's going to happen at midnight?
I don't know, the world is just about to end.
My parents were just having a party, being drunk.
I'm much a bit concerned, guys.
The world is ending.
Where was Jay Sean in 2012?
Interesting fact as well.
Do you know who was originally chosen for the role of Jen Baker?
No.
I think at this point she is, even though I don't think she's actually been in a film that we've covered before, but I think she's a Bi-Panic Room MVP.
So she's come up before in kind of a similar type of conversation, someone who was chosen for a role and then didn't end up playing it.
Nicole Kidman.
That's right, Bailey.
What?
It would have been awful.
I mean, I think for her height alone, it would have ruled her out of the laser scene.
She couldn't do that.
Limbs everywhere.
Doesn't matter how great the ass is, the hair as well.
She's a bit stiff.
It would have involved Sean Connery using her as a javelin.
Those hands, like the gun thing, the happy moment from the Oscars.
Her trying to weave her way through the laser.
I mean, she would have been the same age at that point, right?
She also would have been 30.
So I think, you know, the hands were still moving at that point.
But, yeah, I know this was the role for Catherine Zeta-Jones.
100%.
And I think because you do have to say, like regardless of how you choose to read the energy between them, they do have real chemistry between them.
Well, I think this relationship that she had with Sean Connery probably inspired her to say, yeah, why not to Michael Douglas?
Because that's when...
Don't limit yourself, girl.
Because I think it was just before she came to the UK to film Entrapment.
That's when they met and he was sending her gifts to the UK.
And she was like, all right, well, it works in this film.
Yeah.
I'm going to go back and work in real life.
And have a first date with Michael Douglas.
Michael Douglas is still a bit of a babe.
Excuse me?
Sorry.
Well, I'm forcing myself.
I watched the Ant-Man-Contomania thing of the day.
I'm sorry.
They gave him a good hairstyle.
They gave him and him and Michelle Pfeiffer.
Oh, yeah.
They deserve their own film, like just hot couple.
This is true.
Sorry, they are vibe.
But a young Michael Douglas as well in Wall Street fame.
I completely disagree.
I think a young Michael Douglas, I was like, why was this man a sex symbol?
He never ever did it for me.
And I can actually remember the comments when she got with him at the time.
And it was like, he was already older at that point.
I thought he was looking better.
Fair play to Catherine.
Like they obviously must really love each other.
They're still together.
That's very true.
I'm really happy they're still together.
Yeah, they're the ones that make me feel good.
Love is still alive in Hollywood because of them.
Do you remember when he had some kind of throat cancer and oh my God, he said it was because he ate too much pussy when he was younger.
Yeah.
Did he actually say that?
Oh, I was going to say that this was a really weird topic to have for the podcast.
And then you made it very Charlotte.
Straight into Conner Lingus.
Anyway, great movie.
Recommend.
Definitely making it into The Panic Room.
Yeah, fat one.
Yeah.
Love it for the lasers alone, but and to patch into the mainframe, steal 10 seconds from the atomic clock.
Who can do that?
Only Catherine Zeta-Jones.
All right.
Next, we will get into our BPEs of the week.
Just a moment in our lives or in culture that gave us BPE.
Anyone volunteer as tribute?
I'll go first.
All right, Tessa.
So mine is from, we've just had Halloween here in the UK and everywhere in the world.
And in calendars all around.
Ireland is also celebrating Halloween, unlike Y2K.
And obviously the costumes and dress up was, I'm sure we've all been talking about it.
My BPE of the week is coming from a TV series called Scandal.
Has anyone watched it?
Kerry Washington, Tony Goldwyn.
And Scott Foley.
And so if anyone hasn't seen, obviously you guys have, you can remember, do you?
Basically where Olivia Pope, Kerry Washington has an affair with the super hot Republican president, Tony Goldwyn.
And anyway, she ends up breaking up with him.
He goes to war for her.
Very over the top story.
In the meantime, though, she hooks up with hot Scott Foley.
Shout out to Scream.
And he's also a super hot assassin.
And there's basically tension between the three of them throughout the whole series and in the last...
And they're basically playing off each other.
You know, like, oh, I'm...
She's like, you're president, you're married.
You can't go to war for me.
And then Scott Foley is like, oh, I'm just going to kill some of you, Olivia.
Like, whatever.
So anyway, they have remained, though, really good friends for the last 10 years since the show finished.
And there's been this ongoing joke then in the media about, oh, God, like the spouse of Tony Goldwyn and Scott Foley, like have got to be made of steel because of the tension that Kerry Washington has with both of them.
Like, it's insane.
So their costume, though, for Halloween this year, which I thought was really funny, was they dressed up as challengers.
So Zendaya.
Oh, that's really fun.
Once again, I hope the spouses were OK with it.
Tony Goldwyn is obviously Mike Feast and then Josh Conner is with Scott Foley.
So, oh, it's just so good.
I saw it and I was like, this is just brilliant.
I'm going to have to look this up.
Yeah, it's really, really good.
Now, obviously they have aged a bit, but still, I think Tony Goldwyn, he is happy.
He's up there with Pierce Brosnan at this moment in time.
He's very handsome.
Probably ultimate Nepo baby because Tony Goldwyn as an MGM Goldwyn.
Wait, what?
Oh, really?
Oh, is it the big lion?
Yep.
I did not know that, but he seems so wholesome.
His family are precious.
He's the Simba of MGM.
He is the Simba of MGM.
But he is such an attractive man.
He just, and Scott Fordy as well, but...
And his voice is so attractive.
I always talk about voices, but he was the voice of Tarzan, which is, you know, a moment.
Hello.
So yeah, that's my BP of the week.
That's a good one.
I mean, it really brings everything to the table that you need for a BP.
Literally.
Yeah, she's just in between the two of them like this.
Sad word.
That does remind me, you know, that meme going around like, I hate gay Halloween.
Oh, my God, so good.
And someone was the bull from Challengers.
Which I thought was fab.
All right, Harry, do you want to go next?
Sure.
My Bi-Panic moment of the week was from a recently released song called Cynical by one of my favorite artists, Joseph, that's J-O-E-S-E-F, who has released his first album about two years ago, and I went to see him live at the Roundhouse in Camden last year.
Gorgeous, gorgeous songs, all a bit depressed and sad and just resonate, and it's all very lovely.
But I've been following him for years since he released his first EPs and all the songs are just so gorgeous.
He's in the Heartstopper soundtrack, and he's just released a very positive upbeat song called Cynical because he's now in a relationship.
He's a bisexual icon himself.
Hello.
Shut up.
He's in a new relationship and he's super happy and they're very precious, the two of them.
He's released a song with really poignant, lovely lyrics about how he didn't think love was meant for him, and it should be so difficult.
That's how he always known it to be.
And he always thought love was cynical until he met this person.
And it's just a beautiful, beautiful song.
So he really, he preaches at the altar of Taylor Swift, where you jump the gun potentially and regret it later on.
And do I identify?
Sounds like our kind of girl.
Sounds fab.
Yeah.
Beautiful song.
And I was listening to it on repeat all weekend and it's just, you know, made me feel a little bit of hope for life.
How wonderful.
It's gorgeous.
Check that out.
He's really, really beautiful.
Wonderful.
Grace, something wholesome from your side as well.
Okay.
So I have been thinking about what my bi-panic energy of the week is going to be.
And I've decided just in the last five seconds that it's going to be Saoirse Ronan on The Graham Norton Show.
Wow.
This is a shock to her.
Because Saoirse Ronan is Grace's nemesis.
She says she doesn't go for women's rights.
In case she's listening, she's not my nemesis.
I just hate her as a performer.
No, the lovely bones just, I nearly died.
Anyway, that side, it's just the way that she was on.
I mean, it was a very hot sofa.
You've got Denzel Washington, Paul Mescal, Saoirse Ronan.
I'll take or leave Eddie Redmayne.
So not first.
But the first three winning.
And that's a new challenges set up right there.
And it was the moment where she just kind of stunned them all into silence by pointing out the fact that women are always having to worry about where their phone is and are they going to be attacked.
And the way she just waited her turn, she got kind of interrupted, but kind of let it happen.
Let it rush over her.
They were all kind of trying to get a joke out.
And she's went, well, it's like something we think about all the time, isn't it?
Am I right, ladies?
And just nobody knows what to do for a good second.
And it was the way that that woman in one sentence controlled an entire room, fucking by panic.
Like just great.
Watching that moment also makes me think like in that moment, especially like poor Mascow, who I think always gets like touted as like your ideal internet boyfriend.
But also, you know, I think to a certain degree, Eddie Redmayne was like, in that moment, like how quickly did their heart sink?
Because they must have known like, oh, I know how this is going to go now.
It's like, this does not make me look good.
I think he did it really graciously though.
Cause he was like, actually, yeah, fair enough.
He could see him nodding and he was like, I mean, what?
There's literally no other acceptable.
Yeah, but I think fair play.
Actually, sir, chef.
Actually, you're right.
But no, I think he was straight away.
He tried not being killed.
But I think he just straight away didn't even try another joke and just was very accepting of it, which I think was refreshing to see as well.
Yeah.
But yeah, like it did just show up the fact that it is not the first thought anytime for a guy.
Charlotte, what's your BPE of the week?
My BPE of the week.
This is going to be a seamless transition.
I of the weekend was in London and saw a new musical called Why Am I So Single, which is a new musical at the Garrick currently written by Toby Marlowe and Lucy Moss, who for people in, you know, where they have some interest in the musical world, are the creators of Six, the musical about the wives of Henry VIII, which is fucking fab.
So you're not be full of bangers then?
It truly, truly bangers.
And it's a really, it's kind of a meta musical where it's about these two friends who are tasked with writing a new musical and having trouble coming up with an idea for it, while they're also just trying to navigate their own lives, a lot of which is, you know, they're all on the apps and they're trying to figure out like, why is all of this so messy?
Why can't I find, you know, a person to be in a relationship with?
So it's super fun, sort of talks a lot about modern dating, but then the second act also veers more into the, you know, the beauty and also like, I think, the complexities of a friendship, especially, you know, sometimes within the context of being queer.
It's just so fucking funny.
It's beautiful.
I kept trying to imagine if any single person in that entire theatre in the audience was a straight man, because you would understand about 5% of what was happening.
It's truly, it's absolutely gorgeous.
I cried and there were so many people like openly sobbing in the theatre.
It's a really fun, magical experience and it's like quite a small production.
So it's out pretty new and it's wonderful and I can't recommend it enough.
Super, super queer from start to finish.
Oh, fab.
All right, so and last but not least, it is time for our wildcard segment.
And this week, the person in charge of presenting their pick is Harry.
Harry, what have you brought to us today?
I have bought, for your attention, the 2001 teen emo classic Donnie Darko.
Oh, spooky choice.
Spooky choice and one that I watched many times in my teen years.
So did everyone in my school year and pretended to understand it.
So I'll just give a quick rundown.
So it stars a young Jake Gyllenhaal early on in his career and has a little sibling moment as Sister Maggie, also plays his sister in the movie and marries with Donald as his mother.
Hero.
Love her and also have extras from Patrick Spasey and a very young Ashley Tisdale.
Makes a little cameo and Seth Rogen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So lots of familiar faces.
But it is notoriously quite a bizarre film.
I think it's one that everyone will say as soon as they watch it.
But you need to watch it again.
So I might just caveat with that.
So it starts with one of my favorite things on earth that we're given a beautiful sunrise.
We have Jake Gyllenhaal lying on the road next to his bike, next to some purple sky.
And then he realizes that he's been sleepwalking and starts cycling off back home.
And side note, his pajamas are going right up his arse.
These are the important details, important details that I noticed.
So Donnie sleepwalks and he meets a creepy bunny that tells him the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds.
Meanwhile, as he's sleepwalking, a jet engine falls from the sky and lands in his bedroom.
Luckily he is a somnambulist, so he was not in the scene at the time.
But no one knows where this jet engine came from.
Un mystère.
So Donnie continues to have these dreams and of seeing Frank wearing this bunny suit, which is, not a fluffy bunny.
It's quite a creepy bunny.
It's quite scary.
It is pretty scary.
Unnerving is a word.
It's like a six foot three, demented rabbit.
Yeah, you see all the teeth.
It's very skull based, which works for me because I like all that creepy stuff.
So during all these visions, Frank the bunny manipulates him into committing a series of crimes.
So at one point, Donny floods the school.
He burns down a local celebrity's house, which side note unearths a horrible dark secret about that person.
So the plot of this is quite complex.
So I won't go into it because I never really know if I understand it.
Every time I watch it, it's, I go down a different path, a different rabbit hole.
A different rabbit hole.
Yes, pun intended.
A fun fact of Seth Rogen and Jake Gyllenhaal both said that they didn't actually still understand the film.
Oh really?
Yeah, that was a crowd of the trivia when I looked it up.
But that tracks really, because I think you just star in it and go, that'll do.
I don't need to watch this again.
So I must start my defense of this movie by saying that in my eyes, Jake can do no wrong.
He could just simply stand there.
How can you say that?
How can you say he can do no wrong?
You know all too well exactly.
How dare you betray our sister like that?
I mean, if I was done wrong by Jake Gyllenhaal, I would write longer than a 10-minute version of something.
But he could just stand there and I will be swooning.
And I think just at the time that I was watching it, him just being a little mentally unwell and doing this weird creepy smirk and not blinking, just ticked every box that I had in my teenage years.
And he's such an unpleasant little shit.
He's a little bastard.
But he has his little moments of tenderness.
He's very nice to the other students and he isn't one of the school bullies like Seth Rogen is.
But there is just some scenes where he just looks so great.
When he just had a little jump out of the bus at the beginning and he just has this little smile and then he just talks about this really passionate monologue about Smurfette and he defends the Smurfs.
And it's just this adorable little thing, a little moment where you just open up into someone's character.
She was created by Gargamel.
They don't even have reproductive organs.
There's a scene where he's standing, giving a project in school with his arms above his head and he's just giving such pit confidence and he's just so handsome and his whole demeanor is one that I just will carry with me forever.
And obviously there is the iconic outfit in The Halloween Party where he is wearing a skeleton onesie and a grey hoodie.
Which inspired Phoebe Bridges for years to come.
Of course.
So obviously Jake stole the show for me when I was watching this.
But as I was rewatching this in my later years, his mum played by Mary McDonald.
Mary McDonald, thank you very much.
She is just fabulous in this.
So she is so glam.
So the first time we meet her, she is reading Stephen King, It Before Breakfast, just out on the porch.
In suburbia.
In suburbia.
She is constantly swilling a glass of red.
Dreamed to meet her.
There's just one moment where she's showing a neighbor all the renovations because the house got hit by a jet engine.
And she's swilling a glass of wine.
And she just does a spin of pride, look at my renovations.
And she just looks incredible.
And it's just that how she carries herself with such confidence and poise and is to think it's inspiring.
I think she's amazing.
Even at the very end of the film, like, you know, because I mean, we're not going to go into the whole plot, obviously, but at the end, you know, when, when they sort of, they redo time, you know, and this time the jet engine falls on the house and it actually kills Donny.
And so his entire family is outside the house, fire trucks everywhere and everyone is crying.
And she's just leaning against the tree and her pastel pink cardigan and having a fag and like not crying, just being like, I can't fucking believe this is my life.
It's glam.
Yeah.
We also have a familiar face to The Bi-Panic Room podcast, Drew Barrymore.
And they, who produced the film?
Yeah.
And she, her production company gave extra money to allow it to be put into cinemas because otherwise it was just going to be like a straight to DVD thing.
That's a by-moment in itself.
It is.
Yeah.
But sadly, it did not do well in the box office because films about aviation instance towards the tail end of 2001 were not well received.
So it wasn't until it had...
That was surely the only reason.
Otherwise, this would have been a smash.
Yeah.
So it wasn't until the DVD came out and it was just all the awkward teens at house parties watching it again and again and again.
It developed such a cult following.
And yeah, that's when we watched it numerous times in my youth.
So Drew Barrymore plays an absolutely amazing English teacher in this.
And I will say it's one of the one of the best she's ever looked in a film as well.
She just got a real vibe, such a vibe, just as a teacher as well.
She's just so cool.
But there's a bit when Jenna Malone, the new student in her class, comes in and she says, sit next to the boy you think is the cutest.
I think she should get fired for that.
Yeah, I just imagine being a teenager and you're already the freak because you're new and your teacher says that to you.
I would just turn.
What I would actually do is just to sit down and cry, but you should just like turn around and leave.
Straight to human resources.
But I just love she does it for the plot.
Just to mix it up.
She's a chaos agent.
Also having more bi-panic moments of Noah Weil of ER fame.
Oh my God, could not believe when he was, yeah.
And he is a massive vibe.
So a bit of a fantasy of having Noah Weil as a hot science teacher.
So his character is basically used to introduce and teach Donny all about time travel.
So Donny is fascinated.
There's this retired teacher that has become this bizarre recluse called Mrs.
Sparrow, which all the kids nicknamed Grandma Death.
And you see her just walking back and forth every day trying to check her mail.
And I just look at her and think, that's me in like six months.
So yeah, Donny becomes obsessed with time travel and obviously won't go into too much of the plot.
But after a dramatic showdown between Frank, who is in fact a real person, who is dressed up in a bunny outfit for the Halloween party, and between Frank, the school bullies, Gretchen and Donny, where there's some tragic events, we see a huge portal open over the town, which swallows up a plane, which then sends Donny back in time.
And so at this point, now, Donny is aware of what's going to happen to him.
And it's full of the knowledge of what's happened in recent weeks.
And he is just laughing to himself as he is aware that he's about to get struck by the jet engine.
And all the other characters kind of have their time now reset.
They wake up and none of the events of the film ever happened, really.
I can see why this didn't do well in 2001.
Yeah.
So it's bizarre.
You watch it several times and you pick up different parts of it that you like.
But one thing I love is the soundtrack, because it's set in the 80s and in October.
And my birthday is in October.
And one of the days it's set on my birthday.
So obviously I love that because I'm self-involved.
So obviously this movie was made for you.
Thank you very much.
Yes.
So you get massive hits from Echo and the Bunny Man, Tears for Fears and Joy Division, Love Will Tear Us Apart, which having that in this film kind of just resurged its interest and listened to it all the time.
And then the Mad World cover.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, there it is.
The song that made everyone depressed in Christmas 2003.
Yeah.
Oh, you wouldn't have been over here at that time.
Did you make it to Ireland?
It was just...
Oh, it made it to Germany.
Yeah.
It was depressing.
It became Christmas number one basically, and it was on repeat for about eight weeks.
It is so sad.
It's sad, but also kind of fab.
Oh, yeah.
And to have listened to it this week a lot whilst watching the film, just going through all these 80s bangers, including Notorious, because there's a dance troupe film, which is just very of the time.
That looks like TikTok dances, but before even TikTok.
So it's just for themselves, not for other people validation.
So yes, I watch this a lot in my formative years.
There's a lot going on in this movie.
There's all the team relationships, family dynamics, time travel, science fiction, and it fits the chaos of a teenage mind altogether quite well.
There's just some hilarious quotes, just Donny and Maggie having some funny interactions.
You are such a fuck-ass.
Why didn't you go suck a fuck?
Tell me Elizabeth, how does exactly one suck a fuck?
And you think this is just funny sibling rivalry moments and it's just really enjoyable.
So I enjoyed all of it.
It's a confusing film that teenagers and early noughties pretended to understand, which just gives Peak Bi-Panic to me.
Oh yeah, that's true.
So it's a worthy contender in my eyes, guys.
I think Sharon is ready.
Okay, yes, I will go first actually.
So I have to, I think I distinctly remember like buying this on DVD because that's like during an age where you're like, oh yeah, like if you care about love is you'll have to see donny.com.
And then I think I probably bought it and like never fucking watched it.
Oh wow.
And then did it at some point, but like also hadn't rewatched it in like maybe 10 years.
So I did now and I do have to say that like, I still don't get it.
Like as a film and I think the whole film is it's just giving massive recent film school graduate.
You know, which by the way, it also literally like was.
So I think it definitely like wasn't on my list of like formative things.
It's like two straight boys pseudo intellectual for me.
Which is obviously me.
Target audience.
But I do think, I think just by virtue of like all of these iconic people being in it, that you like associate absolutely with like a bi vibe or, you know, with the queer community, I think just by virtue of true Barrymore being in it and like having produced a film, I think already like kind of automatically makes a bit of a shoe in.
And I can see like how all of these people being in it and, you know, the high school setting and just the hormonal chaos that we witnessed throughout would like, you know, make this a part of your personal journey.
So I think this is one of those, because I think everybody has like one of these.
And I think, Grace, for you, it was, she's the man.
And I think, and I think, I don't have that as my intellectual choice.
No, no, no, not, not intellectual choice.
But I think like that thing, when you were a teenager, that like really, really connected with you and like, was a big thing.
The police are coming again.
Quite rightly.
And so I, yeah.
Cause they can see you for what you truly are.
And so I think even though this was not one for me, and I don't really like, I don't connect with it on that level.
I can absolutely see how this would have been like a formative experience for you.
And so for you, Harry, I will vote you.
Charlotte, yay.
Thank you.
I thought this would be a tough cookie to crack because you have to have watched it 20 years ago, 18 times a day.
See, I'm torn about this as well because I remember watching it and again being like, what the fuck is happening?
And trying to tell myself that I did understand and that of course it makes sense.
And of course, like, if you really read into the subtext and look at all the easter eggs, then you would absolutely understand it.
It's art, you know?
And then I think ultimately thinking actually, I never watched it again and then thought, well, that was just a bit of a tosser who made that.
And the creepy rabbit man, I definitely creeped me out.
And that kind of definitely like it's included some Bi-Panic there.
But he wasn't the character that gave me Bi-Panic.
No, this is true.
Could have made you a disturbed furry.
Again, not another thing I need to be scared to be.
If anyone has ever watched the Donnie Darko porn, let us know.
Oh my god, I didn't even think to Google that one.
There are some things that are meant to be unseen.
I feel the police will be calling Girodor.
My algorithms will be just all over the place.
Jenna Malone for me is, I think, she is big Bi-Panic energy.
In everything she's in, it doesn't matter.
Even if it's the fucking Hunger Games, her performance, if you just supercut her performance in the Hunger Games, it is a Bi-Panic film.
Like you just can't argue with it.
So I do think the presence of Jenna Malone is an important part of this film.
Like you said, Drew Barrymore, almost like events around the film, as in, not 9-11, as in, just pointing that out, as in, I mean, the production of the film, the fact that Drew Barrymore agreed to produce it, enabled it to become what it's become today.
Big, I mean, Sundance hit, takes all the indie, like, bi boxes of...
See, I was going to...
I'm actually kind of annoyed because Charlotte went first now, because I was going to go down the route.
That's why I didn't want to go first.
I was going to kind of go down the route of like, oh, you know, Harry, it did it for you.
And if we really look at it, then actually, the whole dual timeline thing is a metaphor for bisexuality.
And he's actually seeing his life playing out in both ways.
And I was going to go down that route and be like, I'm going to throw you a bone and say it's in.
And then hope that the other two said no.
So I'm in a bit of a predicament.
Do you want me to go next to make your life easier?
No, but if I said yes, if one of us said yes, it's in.
If you say yes, it doesn't matter.
If you wanted to say yes, Grace, that's a sign.
If you want to say yes, you say yes.
You still do what you're hard to do.
Think of that cast, Grace.
I am not a massive Jake Gyllenhaal fan.
I think this is the downfall for me.
I think there are a lot of fab women in the film.
You've got Jenna Malone, you've got Jubair Amor, you've got the mum, who is a bit of a vibe.
That's Bi-Panic in itself, though.
That is gay panic.
You're answering your own question here.
Do you know what?
I like an underdog.
And this film is a strange little film for strange little people.
And we are those strange little people.
Yes.
And do you know what, Harry?
I feel like we've killed Bill.
And have you had another Bi-Panic film in the Wildcard yet?
You can't Donnie Darko as well.
We've Donnie Darko.
Fuck it.
It's a yes from me.
Yay.
Oh, that's great.
That's a win for all the weird little emo's everywhere.
And the music.
I think you sold me on the music as well.
You reminded me of the music.
The soundtrack is so good.
The soundtrack is the bi-vibe.
Moody bisexuals listening on repeat.
It's the killing time.
This doesn't suppose to be at all the evil that it is actually.
I feel attacked, personally and judged.
And just because Ireland didn't have Mad World.
Don't take it out on us.
This was a moody, this was a particular time in our shared, apparently in Germany as well, cultural history that I think just is subliminal messaging that has made us this way.
So unfortunately, that's it.
I think on the whole theme of Ireland didn't have it.
I don't think we had this movie either, because I had never heard of it or watched it when I was growing up.
This will not cross our borders.
Yeah, it was absolutely no way.
The demon rabbit.
We only have Demolition Man and the whole slice to the bone.
So I'll be really honest, I watched it and I didn't get it at all.
I was like, am I just this dumb?
I don't think any of us did, we just pretended to.
You just pretend, that's the point, you pretend to get the film.
So yeah, I'll definitely take a board and think what everyone has said.
And maybe I'll re-watch it with a new, and a lot also with Listen to That Song, but maybe I'll re-watch it with new eyes, looking for the bi-energies.
I do recommend a re-watch and just take yourself back to me being a emo, a be-fringed black hair.
I can see why, I can imagine the scene in the therapist's office really did something to you.
Oh, the little hit no wank scene.
So like, I can definitely see why you voted in, Harry and definitely Grace.
I'm sure I'm surprised by you voting in.
He agreed.
I agree, but I was basically like Grace, I tactically didn't want to go first because I didn't.
So if you had your time back, what would you vote?
Yes, everyone votes yes.
But here's the thing, because the way that Harry was defending it, I think when you can tell that someone genuinely had a huge impression on you.
You didn't get that from me with demolition, right?
Jake Trump's slice of the loan.
I am Team Taylor, so I am refraining from commenting on that particular one.
But yeah, Tessa, I feel like you've not actually...
I'm just going to, just for fun, because we can't be resenting yes, because that would be the only one that's had three yeses.
So I'm going to say no, but I will rewatch, and I will take it on board that it is in The Bi-Panic Room.
So I will...
Oh, thank you for not absolutely ripping it to shreds, Tessa.
No, I will commit to rewatching it again.
Oh, thank you.
Yay.
What an exciting turn of events.
My little emo heart is so happy.
Oh, lovely.
If anything, Dolly Darko has walked into The Bi-Panic Room and said all around me are familiar faces.
Worn out faces.
So, Harry, Dolly Darko has made it into The Bi-Panic Room.
I'm so happy and also surprised that Kill Bill didn't still, but you know.
You know what?
That is shocking.
I mean, Independence Day got in.
I think we need to bring that up again.
No.
Stop the count.
I mean, I do think it's interesting that, you know, two episodes in a row, Wildcard Choices have made it in.
Yes, the defense must be getting better and better on our side of things.
The room was getting lonely.
Oh, I'm very happy.
Thanks, team.
I do think there's going to be a lot of other people that will resonate with that film as well.
I would think so.
I think there's going to be a lot in fairness as much as I love She's the Man, and it was a seminal moment for me.
I do understand how something like Donnie D'Arco is probably more aligned with the Bi audience.
To each their own.
They're all formative in their own ways.
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